This a question my DD asks me from time to time and is a question that any child can ask their parents. Not sure what everyone else tells their kids - obviously 4 years old is too early to give an accurate version of events.
Anyway in our case we always tell her that a special doctor took a bit of mummy and a bit of daddy and mixed them up in a dish and then put them back into mummys tummy. Not far from the truth really and one day we might tell her that she is a very special IVF baby ( as is the little boy I am pregnant with now ) but for now she is satisfied with that explaination. She also knows that the doctors had to take her out of my tummy as she didnt want to come out on her own. ( a long story from 5 years ago when I spent a very short 12 days in here by comparison with pre-eclampsia, long labour followed by an emergency c-section)
Between me & dh , getting pregnant and me actually giving birth normally is not something that comes naturally........!
2004 was a crap year to put it politely. We started the year full of optimism and naive expectaion that the fertility treatment would work first time. It does for some so why not for us? We had 2 goes pretty much back to back which were unsuccessful. Inbetween the two we had a very lowkey 40th birthday weekend
away for DH in March. Emotionally I ended up rather battered and had some counselling, even went to see a hands on healer ( bit like reiki) and got into yoga. I wont try to put it into words as its pretty impossible to explain, but very tough and felt a bit grief like when my period came and the realisation that our hopes and dreams had gone down the drain again. IVF is very expensive too but we were fortunate to have some savings, and although its gutting to spend that kind of money for nothing at least we had the option.
I was 34 then and of course most of my friends were having babies themselves. That was hard and whilst I was happy for them, was feeling desperate myself. I also feel the need to acknowledge here that some of my close friends suffered their own pregnancy tragedies and must have been through hell themselves so I wasnt the only one in an emotional mess. But anyway as each baby was born, it was bittersweet for me. The only way I could get through a christening was to get stuck into the alcohol to take the edge off. This isnt turning into a sad alcoholic story by the way - but my friends will tell you that I like a few drinks and am a happy drunk............3 colleagues at work announced pregancies that year too so not easy.
Anyway, me and DH were fine, probably stronger for it despite ending the year with me almost being made redundant and suffering the shittiest holiday from hell in Cuba.
Bring on 2005..........
We had a 3rd attempt in secret in March/April 2005. I couldnt face telling anyone this time, we needed to do it quietly because although friends and family have good intentions, its horrible to get constantly asked how you are and any news yet?? And then you have to share bad news and its more upsetting.
I booked some holiday from work to coincide with the egg collection and embryo transfer and the dreaded two week wait - the worst bit cos your mind is playing tricks and you constantly analyse every little possible symptom. Its torture, not kidding.
Well this time we were lucky. When my period didnt start on the day I was expecting it we got hopeful, a few more days passed and I caved in and did a test early on day 11 and we saw two lines on the pee stick. still didnt really believe it though as wasnt official test day and the line was very faint. We went away for a couple of days to Lulworh Cove just for a change of scene and I took the official test with me. Was feeling cautiously optimistic by then but even though still apprehensive. I sat in the bathroom of the hotel room at 5am hands trembling unwrapping the test, dipped it and waited. I wont ever forget that moment that two big dark lines appeared and I sat on the loo, tears pouring silently thanking God at last.
Our gorgeous daughter was born in December that year and we felt truly blessed.
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