Paula (fave midwife/ward manager) is on duty this morning and she comes to see me straight away. She is pleased to meet this little baby at last. its lovely to see her too - 'on the other side'.
My catheter is taken out and I am free to leave my bed to go for a wee. I have to fill 3 bedpans and declare them for inspection before my bladder is deemed normal and functioning. This isnt difficult as I am making up for lost time drinking gallons of iced water and tea, still thirsty from the nil by mouth rules of the day before.
I have my breakfast - breakfast Wendy is on duty and its good to see her too. Loving the familiarity of my 'friends' on the ward and they are loving seeing Alex in a cot instead of a huge bump in me!
Paula and a couple of pink ladies come back (HCA's) and she says, c'mon, we are moving you. I am moved to room 7........and wait for it....its a single ensuite room. Oh the luxury is just too exciting for words. I have my OWN bathroom after 5 weeks of communal showers and loo's. It has a towel rail ! and a big window and lots of space. Not sure if I would have got this anyway but suspect its a reward for good behaviour.......
Still no milk has come in for Alex but he is feeding okay on the colostrum at first. The pain kicks in for me and I am limping like an old lady......sitting up from lying down is near impossible and on more than one occasion I find myself lying on my back like a stranded tortoise legs and arms unable to go anywhere. Can't reach the call bell either so I have to inch my way to the edge of the bed and roll ever so slowly over. I am also now the beholder of house brick size sanitary towels so glamour has long gone out of the window. Fortunately though as I did not have to push this baby out, I dont walk like I have lost my horse but just like I have had my stomach muscles cut. Oh yes, thats what did happen!
I get some relief at 2pm on the drugs round and I take all the drugs on offer - hardcore liquid morphine helps the pain.
I am so excited about visiting time at 5pm. DH had already been first thing to see us both for an hour or so but then had to get back to collect DD from her sleepover at nannys. At 5pm DD comes to meet her baby brother for the first time. Mum comes too. It is a sight that I never thought I would see - my daughter AND my son having a cuddle. She is delighted with him and keeps kissing him and says " I am your big sister Alex and I love you I think" The years of sadness and longing for a baby and then later wanting another are gone. I am cured, its over , its now finished business. I can lay it to rest and we can get on with being a little family.
I feel very lucky.
The registrar comes to see me - he is happy with BP, baby seems okay so possibly could go home tomorrow (Christmas Eve) but I am not sure I am ready, still feel so much pain and I want to get Alex feeding well. I feel torn as I want to go home for Christmas so much but lets see what happens tomorrow.
I have a succession of visitors from the 'inside' to meet baby Alex - as each shift comes on duty I get midwives and pink ladies coming to say hello to see how I have got on.
I get a text from H - my last roomie asking how I got on, she went home yesterday on strict orders of resting.
I also meet posh bird in the corridor. She is still here - her baby in SCBU , not really poorly but struggling to feed. She thinks she will be here for a while yet.
After hours of trying in the early hours I have to give in and give him more formula as the milk hasnt come in yet but before each feed he has about 5 mins from me first before I top him up. He seems to be able to do boob and bottle withought any problem so I dont worry too much.
Time for sleep........Christmas Eve tomorrow.
Friday 31 December 2010
Wednesday 29 December 2010
Wednesday 22nd DEC - part 2. Welcome to the World, Alexander William
The first thing I see is DH holding our baby boy. I remember feeling amazingly happy and smiling up at them both. Another immediate thought that came to mind is "Thank God I made it". I feel no pain. DH later told me I was talking a load of gibberish - just an after effect of the GA. We already had decided on his name, months earlier. Alexander just becuase we like it and can shorten it to Alex and William was my Grandads name even though he prefered to be known as Arthur and also after DH's Uncle Bill who we lost to Cancer.
Apparently they made the first incision at 3.21pm and he was born 3 mins later at 3.24pm
After a short time in recovery we go to HDU where the three of us spent the next few hours. I have fond memories of this time, felt so relaxed and relieved that everything went well. I lost only a minimal amount of blood - 600mls which is normal for a Standard C-Section. So all those precautions put in place werent needed. I will be eternally grateful for the skill of the Consultant and the staff in theatre that day.
Cannot help but stare at the little boy, he is so cute and perfect and blissfully unaware of the weeks leading to his birth - and so he should be. He had a formula feed when he was first born, DH gave this to him and I do try to feed him myself in HDU but theres no milk yet.
I get given a jug of iced water which DH lets me have with a straw and it tastes like the best drink I have ever had. I had been nil by mouth since midnight the night before and have never known thirst like it. I also get toast and jam which is just perfect. BP is taken by a machine every 15 mins, seems okay. I have a catheter in so least dont worry about having to go for a wee.
Alexander is in the bed with me for cuddles. He looks like his big sister did when she was first born. He pulls some funny faces and he just seems so small. Actually for 36weeks +6 days he is a good size at 7lbs 1oz.
I have access to a morphine trigger shot but I dont use it. I cant feel any pain at all. I get a lovely wash and freshen up and get to brush my teeth helped by a lovely maternity nurse and get my own nightshirt on which feels lovely. At about 10pm they decide I can be transferred back to the ward. A porter comes to take me in a wheelchair - I am able to edge over the side of the bed and sit up with help slowly. I dont feel dizzy or anything which is great. A midwife pushes Alex in his cot, DH carries my bag and off we go to the ward. I am taken back to the same one thank goodness but am put in a 4 bedded room with other mums and newborns. I am so happy, I just cannot believe I am here with my baby after all these weeks.
Its about 11.15pm when DH goes home for some much needed sleep.
I dont sleep much that night. Me and baby have skin to skin contact to bring his temp up a little bit as he is a little bit cool. Its lovely - his little head is poking out of the top of my night shirt and we stare at each other, his eyes blinking up at me. I doze off in the early hours and so does he. His temp reaches the right level and he sleeps in his cot next to me.
Welcome to the world Alexander.
Apparently they made the first incision at 3.21pm and he was born 3 mins later at 3.24pm
After a short time in recovery we go to HDU where the three of us spent the next few hours. I have fond memories of this time, felt so relaxed and relieved that everything went well. I lost only a minimal amount of blood - 600mls which is normal for a Standard C-Section. So all those precautions put in place werent needed. I will be eternally grateful for the skill of the Consultant and the staff in theatre that day.
Cannot help but stare at the little boy, he is so cute and perfect and blissfully unaware of the weeks leading to his birth - and so he should be. He had a formula feed when he was first born, DH gave this to him and I do try to feed him myself in HDU but theres no milk yet.
I get given a jug of iced water which DH lets me have with a straw and it tastes like the best drink I have ever had. I had been nil by mouth since midnight the night before and have never known thirst like it. I also get toast and jam which is just perfect. BP is taken by a machine every 15 mins, seems okay. I have a catheter in so least dont worry about having to go for a wee.
Alexander is in the bed with me for cuddles. He looks like his big sister did when she was first born. He pulls some funny faces and he just seems so small. Actually for 36weeks +6 days he is a good size at 7lbs 1oz.
I have access to a morphine trigger shot but I dont use it. I cant feel any pain at all. I get a lovely wash and freshen up and get to brush my teeth helped by a lovely maternity nurse and get my own nightshirt on which feels lovely. At about 10pm they decide I can be transferred back to the ward. A porter comes to take me in a wheelchair - I am able to edge over the side of the bed and sit up with help slowly. I dont feel dizzy or anything which is great. A midwife pushes Alex in his cot, DH carries my bag and off we go to the ward. I am taken back to the same one thank goodness but am put in a 4 bedded room with other mums and newborns. I am so happy, I just cannot believe I am here with my baby after all these weeks.
Its about 11.15pm when DH goes home for some much needed sleep.
I dont sleep much that night. Me and baby have skin to skin contact to bring his temp up a little bit as he is a little bit cool. Its lovely - his little head is poking out of the top of my night shirt and we stare at each other, his eyes blinking up at me. I doze off in the early hours and so does he. His temp reaches the right level and he sleeps in his cot next to me.
Welcome to the world Alexander.
Sunday 26 December 2010
Wednesday 22nd Dec 2010 - part 1
Time to tell the rest of the story........
After I finished writing on Tuesday last week I had a suprise visit from DD and DH which was lovely. Couldnt believe this would be my last night in this bed. Watched some TV in the day room and went to bed. Praying for no snow tomorrow so all can go ahead as planned.
Wednesday 22nd:
Looked out of my window at 5.30am to see it absolutely chucking it down with snow. There hadnt been much here. Until now of course. Text DH to make sure he could set off asap. He was due to leave at 7am to get here for 7.30am but mum got to our house earlier to be with DD so he could set off.
He arrives at 7am safe and sound. I have had an early shower, nil by mouth so just wait. H wishes me luck. We have exchanged mobile numbers to keep in touch. Midwife on duty wishes me luck and then 2 people in scrubs collect me and DH to go down to Labour Ward. All my stuff is pushed on a wheelchair to a bed where I will end up in HDU after theatre.
I have a real sense of going holiday - thats sounds wrong cos its clearly not a holiday but its that air of expectation and the waiting being over.
Its very quiet in Labour Ward, and me & DH are shown to a bed where we wait. We are told we are second into theatre. Then we wait and chat and feel excited that this day is here at long last. But then we wait and wait some more. The snow is terrible outside and they decide to only have one theatre open - staff are stuck everywhere en route.
A consultant comes at 11am at explained they are delaying me because although they have cross-matched blood for me, they dont have platelets and in case of extreme emergency they have to have them for me. They are being sent from John Radcliffe at Oxford but who knows how long with the traffic? And I feel more apprehensive.......how serious a patient am I that they need to have platelets as well as blood???? Why wasnt this sorted before? I feel tense. At 12.30pm they come to tell us that we may be cancelled that day. I am devastated and a little angry. So much mental preparation has gone into this day for me.
At 2pm another Doctor comes to say we are going ahead......in 10 mins. Thank God. The platelets have arrived. We walk to the theatre, DH is in scrubs but can't come in as its a GA. We kiss goodbye and the doors closes. Lump in my throat but I don't cry. I am helped up onto the table.
Now having told my Dad later what comes next I said I wouldnt write this in my blog but I feel I need to include it. Its important for me add it. The following 30 mins or so after entering theatre were pretty scary, some of the most apprehensive moments of my life. Theres about 12 staff in there - Consultants, Doctor, SHO, Anaesatist, midwife, obstetrician, paedatritions x2 plus others. They put 2 Ventflons in me - thats okay I am used to those. Then an arterial line in my left wrist (not sure why but it hurts). Then it fails and goes into spasm ( Thank God I have my eyes closed but I feel a warm gush onto my hands) They get one in my right wrist but it takes a while. I have my legs in stirrups and drips put in, then my belly is painted with yellow antiseptic. One lady is holding my hand and comforting me, but my head is elsewhere, I breathe deep and picture an Antiguan beach, the field at the back of my house. Anything but this. Then the worst part is that each member of the team stands around me in a circle and they introduce each other to the team, stating their name, job title and what risk they have with each aspect of my care. I think without humour that its like the icebreaker on a training course. Each risk factor is stuff I dont want to hear: Bleeding, platelets, group and save, tranfusion, baby resusitation, haemorraging etc etc. I start to cry, its horrible to hear and I wonder whether I might survive this. Sounds dramatic but that just the thought I had in my head.
The mask goes on my face and I pray for the anaesthetic to work quickly. I am told that in a moment I will feel it and like I have drunk a Gin and Tonic. Please make it a double and make it now. I feel woozy.................then I am gone.
After I finished writing on Tuesday last week I had a suprise visit from DD and DH which was lovely. Couldnt believe this would be my last night in this bed. Watched some TV in the day room and went to bed. Praying for no snow tomorrow so all can go ahead as planned.
Wednesday 22nd:
Looked out of my window at 5.30am to see it absolutely chucking it down with snow. There hadnt been much here. Until now of course. Text DH to make sure he could set off asap. He was due to leave at 7am to get here for 7.30am but mum got to our house earlier to be with DD so he could set off.
He arrives at 7am safe and sound. I have had an early shower, nil by mouth so just wait. H wishes me luck. We have exchanged mobile numbers to keep in touch. Midwife on duty wishes me luck and then 2 people in scrubs collect me and DH to go down to Labour Ward. All my stuff is pushed on a wheelchair to a bed where I will end up in HDU after theatre.
I have a real sense of going holiday - thats sounds wrong cos its clearly not a holiday but its that air of expectation and the waiting being over.
Its very quiet in Labour Ward, and me & DH are shown to a bed where we wait. We are told we are second into theatre. Then we wait and chat and feel excited that this day is here at long last. But then we wait and wait some more. The snow is terrible outside and they decide to only have one theatre open - staff are stuck everywhere en route.
A consultant comes at 11am at explained they are delaying me because although they have cross-matched blood for me, they dont have platelets and in case of extreme emergency they have to have them for me. They are being sent from John Radcliffe at Oxford but who knows how long with the traffic? And I feel more apprehensive.......how serious a patient am I that they need to have platelets as well as blood???? Why wasnt this sorted before? I feel tense. At 12.30pm they come to tell us that we may be cancelled that day. I am devastated and a little angry. So much mental preparation has gone into this day for me.
At 2pm another Doctor comes to say we are going ahead......in 10 mins. Thank God. The platelets have arrived. We walk to the theatre, DH is in scrubs but can't come in as its a GA. We kiss goodbye and the doors closes. Lump in my throat but I don't cry. I am helped up onto the table.
Now having told my Dad later what comes next I said I wouldnt write this in my blog but I feel I need to include it. Its important for me add it. The following 30 mins or so after entering theatre were pretty scary, some of the most apprehensive moments of my life. Theres about 12 staff in there - Consultants, Doctor, SHO, Anaesatist, midwife, obstetrician, paedatritions x2 plus others. They put 2 Ventflons in me - thats okay I am used to those. Then an arterial line in my left wrist (not sure why but it hurts). Then it fails and goes into spasm ( Thank God I have my eyes closed but I feel a warm gush onto my hands) They get one in my right wrist but it takes a while. I have my legs in stirrups and drips put in, then my belly is painted with yellow antiseptic. One lady is holding my hand and comforting me, but my head is elsewhere, I breathe deep and picture an Antiguan beach, the field at the back of my house. Anything but this. Then the worst part is that each member of the team stands around me in a circle and they introduce each other to the team, stating their name, job title and what risk they have with each aspect of my care. I think without humour that its like the icebreaker on a training course. Each risk factor is stuff I dont want to hear: Bleeding, platelets, group and save, tranfusion, baby resusitation, haemorraging etc etc. I start to cry, its horrible to hear and I wonder whether I might survive this. Sounds dramatic but that just the thought I had in my head.
The mask goes on my face and I pray for the anaesthetic to work quickly. I am told that in a moment I will feel it and like I have drunk a Gin and Tonic. Please make it a double and make it now. I feel woozy.................then I am gone.
Tuesday 21 December 2010
Last day.......almost the end of this journey before the new one starts.......
So here we are. My last full day. I feel very strange. I have had some lovely texts, emails and calls from friends/family wishing me luck for tomorrow. I keep thinking someone will come and say they have made a mistake and I have to stay longer. Midwives and catering staff all come and see me excited for me that its tomorrow. Have to pack all of my bits later today so that it will all get moved with me. Chances are that I will be back on this ward afterwards but not in this room.
Me and H (roomie) chat from when we get up. We are both fast asleep at 6.30am when the lights go on and the midwifes spring into action with pills, BP checks and the usual. Bit dazed but we chat whilst waiting for breakfast. I havent even had to read, watch tv or brain train, makes a nice change.
Eat breakfast 5 weeks of weetabix and 2 slices of brown bread, butter and jam. Will I eat this when I get home? No probably not. Havent had a bacon buttie for ages!!!
Go on the monitor, baby is active. Have shower and then lunch........
I am now typing almost in real time as obviously tomorrow will have other things going on! Had a nap after lunch. DH rings me and over the phone I tell him where to find christmas pressies that he needs to wrap. DD is with her nanny so he can get a few bits done. He texts me later to say everything is wrapped.
Over the last couple of weeks I have painstakingly been putting together a tesco.com order to be delivered tonight to save him the pain of shopping. Due to this slow system have prob spent 4 hours doing it. Well they rang yesterday to say due to the snow they cannot deliver but we could collect from store. So we agree to do that. DH went there this morning only to be told it wasnt ready and would have to come back this afternoon. Every little helps my a**e. So he text me half an hour ago to say he was back there but they have lost the order and he was in the cafe having a free coffee while they try to locate it. I remember an episode of the Good Life from my childhood when Margo is distraught because her Christmas is being delivered in a van but doesnt turn up.......For Gods sake it cant be that hard . he says he will give it 10 more mins before telling them to stick it and he will have to find time to go to sainsburys. I try my hardest to send tescos some love but struggle so I send it to DH instead.
My phone buzzes.......I HAVE THE SHOPPING............yay !
So then.......nothing much left for me to say. All my little personal things are packed. Seem to have acculated a lot of stuff while I have been here but now its all neatly packed, ready to be moved to my next location. Will say goodbye to my hospital holiday apartment at about 7.30am tomorrow morning with a tear in my eye. Its been an experience and I have enjoyed sharing it via this blog.
Thank you for reading and all the messages of support along the way.
I'll be back when I can to let you know how it goes.....
With much Love
Helen x
Me and H (roomie) chat from when we get up. We are both fast asleep at 6.30am when the lights go on and the midwifes spring into action with pills, BP checks and the usual. Bit dazed but we chat whilst waiting for breakfast. I havent even had to read, watch tv or brain train, makes a nice change.
Eat breakfast 5 weeks of weetabix and 2 slices of brown bread, butter and jam. Will I eat this when I get home? No probably not. Havent had a bacon buttie for ages!!!
Go on the monitor, baby is active. Have shower and then lunch........
I am now typing almost in real time as obviously tomorrow will have other things going on! Had a nap after lunch. DH rings me and over the phone I tell him where to find christmas pressies that he needs to wrap. DD is with her nanny so he can get a few bits done. He texts me later to say everything is wrapped.
Over the last couple of weeks I have painstakingly been putting together a tesco.com order to be delivered tonight to save him the pain of shopping. Due to this slow system have prob spent 4 hours doing it. Well they rang yesterday to say due to the snow they cannot deliver but we could collect from store. So we agree to do that. DH went there this morning only to be told it wasnt ready and would have to come back this afternoon. Every little helps my a**e. So he text me half an hour ago to say he was back there but they have lost the order and he was in the cafe having a free coffee while they try to locate it. I remember an episode of the Good Life from my childhood when Margo is distraught because her Christmas is being delivered in a van but doesnt turn up.......For Gods sake it cant be that hard . he says he will give it 10 more mins before telling them to stick it and he will have to find time to go to sainsburys. I try my hardest to send tescos some love but struggle so I send it to DH instead.
My phone buzzes.......I HAVE THE SHOPPING............yay !
So then.......nothing much left for me to say. All my little personal things are packed. Seem to have acculated a lot of stuff while I have been here but now its all neatly packed, ready to be moved to my next location. Will say goodbye to my hospital holiday apartment at about 7.30am tomorrow morning with a tear in my eye. Its been an experience and I have enjoyed sharing it via this blog.
Thank you for reading and all the messages of support along the way.
I'll be back when I can to let you know how it goes.....
With much Love
Helen x
Monday Monday...........
Despite feeling a bit miserable yesteday and a few tears this morning I get a grip back on myself. Only 2 days to go........
We dont have a good nights sleep in here. Posh bird is up most of the night monitoring blood sugar levels and and I get a bit of high blood pressure so am monitored hourly as I complain of chest pain. Turns out its just indigestion after all ( blame the chicken curry I had at lunchtime) but a bit of a worry and I feel like crap in the morning from lack of sleep. The doc comes round to speak to her and although she is only 34 weeks, they tell her baby will be delivered today as its dangerous for her to have dipping blood sugar levels. So she is gone by early afternoon.
At lunchtime DH and DD come which is lovely - its not visiting time for her so we go off the ward to the hospital restuarant for lunch. Paula doesnt want me to walk that far though so I have to go in the wheelchair......very amusing as the steering isnt the best and DH pushes me whilst DD charges ahead in front. We have a nice lunch and DD is on top form. We tehn go to the hospital shop and we buy her a balloon which she wacks everyone with on the way back to the ward. We go back in and I sneak her to the dayroom for a few mins while DH goes to my room to pick up up dirty stuff and drop off clean things. They proabably wont come tomorrow so I have a cuddle with her as wont see her wednesday - she will come in on thursday to see me and the baby.
Go backto my room and find a new roomie. She is very normal, chatty and here because of bleeding. At last a decent one. We chat for a bit but then I have a nap for a couple of hours.
When I wake up her hubby is just leaving so we end up chatting for the rest of the afternoon. She has had a tough time and I really feel for her. She spent 10 weeks here last year after her waters went at 22 weeks. So then she had her baby at 32 weeks but he died shortly after being born due to poor lung development. Breaks my heart to think of 10 weeks in here and then to go home without her baby at the end. She is very open about it and very level headed. I admire her strength. She is now 22 weeks again and her waters are fine but wont stop bleeding - low lying placenta like me. Understandably she cant stand it in here and wants to go but she cant because of the bleeding. She also has a child at home same age as DD so we talk about them.
We have a bit of drama about 9pm and she is doubled over in pain and says she is having a heavy bleed. She doesnt want to bother the midwives as they are having handover !! She wont ring her bell so I tell her to get on the bed and I go flying into the midwives office to get help. She is taken to labour ward in a wheelchair and I say my prayers for her and her baby.
I go to sleep at 10pm as am shattered and I hear some vague movement and chatting at about 11/12. Think she has come back. I get up for a wee at 3am and I see her in bed and she is awake. She tells me her baby is fine, no more pain. Thank goodness.
Go back to sleep...........
We dont have a good nights sleep in here. Posh bird is up most of the night monitoring blood sugar levels and and I get a bit of high blood pressure so am monitored hourly as I complain of chest pain. Turns out its just indigestion after all ( blame the chicken curry I had at lunchtime) but a bit of a worry and I feel like crap in the morning from lack of sleep. The doc comes round to speak to her and although she is only 34 weeks, they tell her baby will be delivered today as its dangerous for her to have dipping blood sugar levels. So she is gone by early afternoon.
At lunchtime DH and DD come which is lovely - its not visiting time for her so we go off the ward to the hospital restuarant for lunch. Paula doesnt want me to walk that far though so I have to go in the wheelchair......very amusing as the steering isnt the best and DH pushes me whilst DD charges ahead in front. We have a nice lunch and DD is on top form. We tehn go to the hospital shop and we buy her a balloon which she wacks everyone with on the way back to the ward. We go back in and I sneak her to the dayroom for a few mins while DH goes to my room to pick up up dirty stuff and drop off clean things. They proabably wont come tomorrow so I have a cuddle with her as wont see her wednesday - she will come in on thursday to see me and the baby.
Go backto my room and find a new roomie. She is very normal, chatty and here because of bleeding. At last a decent one. We chat for a bit but then I have a nap for a couple of hours.
When I wake up her hubby is just leaving so we end up chatting for the rest of the afternoon. She has had a tough time and I really feel for her. She spent 10 weeks here last year after her waters went at 22 weeks. So then she had her baby at 32 weeks but he died shortly after being born due to poor lung development. Breaks my heart to think of 10 weeks in here and then to go home without her baby at the end. She is very open about it and very level headed. I admire her strength. She is now 22 weeks again and her waters are fine but wont stop bleeding - low lying placenta like me. Understandably she cant stand it in here and wants to go but she cant because of the bleeding. She also has a child at home same age as DD so we talk about them.
We have a bit of drama about 9pm and she is doubled over in pain and says she is having a heavy bleed. She doesnt want to bother the midwives as they are having handover !! She wont ring her bell so I tell her to get on the bed and I go flying into the midwives office to get help. She is taken to labour ward in a wheelchair and I say my prayers for her and her baby.
I go to sleep at 10pm as am shattered and I hear some vague movement and chatting at about 11/12. Think she has come back. I get up for a wee at 3am and I see her in bed and she is awake. She tells me her baby is fine, no more pain. Thank goodness.
Go back to sleep...........
Monday 20 December 2010
Sunday.....yawn.
Sundays are boring around here. Dont know why they are more boring than other days, they just are.
Crap nights sleep, I wake up lots in the night. Posh Bird also wakes up a few times - we have little chats here and there but not much but thanks to the curtain room divider and my flapping ears I work out she is here becuase she is diabetic and keeps having hypos made worse by her pregnancy. She was in HDU - high dependancy unit for 4 days until Thursday and then got readmitted saturday night. That must be scary. She is 34 weeks.No wonder she is huffing and puffing.
My BP is sort of steady but has the odd moment. Dont have a shower until after lunch - montitoring is late today cos the ward is very busy again. No visitors today cos of the snow. I get a few phone calls though which helps pass the time. I think I am at my boredom threshold, have had enough of playing this game and I want to go home now.
Feel a bit woe is me, but I just have to dig deep and get through the next few days. I eat my tea - corned beef sandwich, spicy wedges, soup and salad. The last freddo frog bites the dust.
Havent seen DD since Friday but hopefully if the roads are okay then DH will bring her in tomorrow (Monday) Bloody snow - if I see once more weather report think I might have to scream AAAAAGGGGHHHHHHH.
Get my PJs on and watch the Apprentice - love it. Well done Stella. I could do with a swig of Urban, or Prism for that matter.
Tomorrows another day and then its only 2 more sleeps. YIPPEEEEEEEEE........
Crap nights sleep, I wake up lots in the night. Posh Bird also wakes up a few times - we have little chats here and there but not much but thanks to the curtain room divider and my flapping ears I work out she is here becuase she is diabetic and keeps having hypos made worse by her pregnancy. She was in HDU - high dependancy unit for 4 days until Thursday and then got readmitted saturday night. That must be scary. She is 34 weeks.No wonder she is huffing and puffing.
My BP is sort of steady but has the odd moment. Dont have a shower until after lunch - montitoring is late today cos the ward is very busy again. No visitors today cos of the snow. I get a few phone calls though which helps pass the time. I think I am at my boredom threshold, have had enough of playing this game and I want to go home now.
Feel a bit woe is me, but I just have to dig deep and get through the next few days. I eat my tea - corned beef sandwich, spicy wedges, soup and salad. The last freddo frog bites the dust.
Havent seen DD since Friday but hopefully if the roads are okay then DH will bring her in tomorrow (Monday) Bloody snow - if I see once more weather report think I might have to scream AAAAAGGGGHHHHHHH.
Get my PJs on and watch the Apprentice - love it. Well done Stella. I could do with a swig of Urban, or Prism for that matter.
Tomorrows another day and then its only 2 more sleeps. YIPPEEEEEEEEE........
Sunday 19 December 2010
Saturday 18th Dec....wot no X Factor?
Yesterday woke up at the crack of dawn but I think I wrote that already.
Had all the usual obs done. Baby is still jumping around like a crazy thing inside me so thats good. He is in complete oblivion to the trouble he is causing no doubt. Just hope its not too much of a shock for him when he is whipped out of me on Wednesday.
Slightly upsetting news today when a doc came round to see if I was all ready and just dropped into the conversation the fact that I will be having a general anaesetic. What? I thought it would be a spinal block. A spinal means that I am awake throughout with DH at my side and you get to see the baby the moment it comes out. This is what happened when DD was born. But with a general, DH is waiting outside and I am obviously out of it - the baby is checked over, weighed and given to DH. Its a combination of drugs they give me and I would be awake within 10-15 mins with baby put right at my side, ready for skin to skin and feeding. Apparently the GA is much better than in the past and shouldnt leave me groggy too much. But even so, not what I was expecting at all. Luckily a midwife is with me at the time but the doc hanging about twittering on and I just want her to go so I can digest it. I feel myself welling up and biting my lip but no, I cannot help the tears.
My safety is priority once baby is whipped out and if I have a heavy bleed, vital mins could be wasted while they give me a GA so I understand the logic. The op is consultant led with more people than usual in theatre becuase the placenta is where they need to cut. So I have to go with it and the doc says when they are prepared they can control it all which when I think about it more makes sense. And actually how frightening for me and DH to witness these problems first hand in theatre and be left with bad memories rather than good ones. So there you go.
Anyway on a more upbeat note......DH visits this afternoon. Its snowing outside so we cancel date night so he can get home in the light and he comes in the day instead. Its actually stopped snowing here by the time he gets here and nothing much was coming down n the village when he left.
He comes complete with full hedge trimming tools and cream and we get down to business in one of the bathrooms. Not our most romantic moment but very very funny. I am now ready for wednesday virtually fuzz free. As I type I still havent dared get my pocket mirror out for a look, probably for the best. When we come out of the bathroom we are laughing and he says "well thats you sorted out down there, Love" just as a girl comes out of the bedroom opposite. Her face was a picture - love it.
He stays for a while - tell him about the GA this but in his normal grounded way he is not fazed and says we must go with what they say.
He has bought the baby bag with him too - its getting close now. Then my mum rings who is at our house looking after DD - wanting to know if he is on his way back yet? When I say no she says OMG - tell him to leave now. The snow is bucketing down and 4 inches already in an hour. Mike had rung to say he was stuck at the bottom of a hill coming from work and 4x4 cars were struggling in the lanes. There is no easy way into our village - its slidy lanes all the way. So he goes and thankfully half an hour later he is home and rings me. Within 5 mins of leaving here without a flake he drives straight into a blizzard - he just about got up the worst hill but said was skidding all over the place and it was pretty hairy (but fun) he said. The village is in total whiteout. Mike has also just got back too.
It has got quite cold on the ward and the midwifes are checking temps in rooms and the radiators dont seem to be working very well so a portable one is brought to my room.
A new roomie arrives about 6pm. She looks quite normal, obviously not happy to be in here but okay. Not remotely chavvy - looks rather elegant actually so I call her posh bird. By bedtime though I have renamed her huffing puffing posh bird cos thats all she does. I suggest she pulls the curtain for privacy if she would like to - most people do this at first, I would too but she declines but then doesnt speak either. Its a bit strained so I pull the curtain as I have to get my pjs on anyway. She gets into a strappy nightdress and gets into bed. Now I know know how cold it can be at night in here. I have 5 blankets on my bed plus my red wool blanket from home. I also wear long pjs and nightshirt over the top - not attractive but warm. I know she is onto a loser for a warm nights sleep there.........
I watch the strictly final whilst reading the paper in bed - its not x factor but hey ho. Struggle to keep my eyes open beyond 10, have my jab and go to sleep.
3 more sleeps after this one.......
Had all the usual obs done. Baby is still jumping around like a crazy thing inside me so thats good. He is in complete oblivion to the trouble he is causing no doubt. Just hope its not too much of a shock for him when he is whipped out of me on Wednesday.
Slightly upsetting news today when a doc came round to see if I was all ready and just dropped into the conversation the fact that I will be having a general anaesetic. What? I thought it would be a spinal block. A spinal means that I am awake throughout with DH at my side and you get to see the baby the moment it comes out. This is what happened when DD was born. But with a general, DH is waiting outside and I am obviously out of it - the baby is checked over, weighed and given to DH. Its a combination of drugs they give me and I would be awake within 10-15 mins with baby put right at my side, ready for skin to skin and feeding. Apparently the GA is much better than in the past and shouldnt leave me groggy too much. But even so, not what I was expecting at all. Luckily a midwife is with me at the time but the doc hanging about twittering on and I just want her to go so I can digest it. I feel myself welling up and biting my lip but no, I cannot help the tears.
My safety is priority once baby is whipped out and if I have a heavy bleed, vital mins could be wasted while they give me a GA so I understand the logic. The op is consultant led with more people than usual in theatre becuase the placenta is where they need to cut. So I have to go with it and the doc says when they are prepared they can control it all which when I think about it more makes sense. And actually how frightening for me and DH to witness these problems first hand in theatre and be left with bad memories rather than good ones. So there you go.
Anyway on a more upbeat note......DH visits this afternoon. Its snowing outside so we cancel date night so he can get home in the light and he comes in the day instead. Its actually stopped snowing here by the time he gets here and nothing much was coming down n the village when he left.
He comes complete with full hedge trimming tools and cream and we get down to business in one of the bathrooms. Not our most romantic moment but very very funny. I am now ready for wednesday virtually fuzz free. As I type I still havent dared get my pocket mirror out for a look, probably for the best. When we come out of the bathroom we are laughing and he says "well thats you sorted out down there, Love" just as a girl comes out of the bedroom opposite. Her face was a picture - love it.
He stays for a while - tell him about the GA this but in his normal grounded way he is not fazed and says we must go with what they say.
He has bought the baby bag with him too - its getting close now. Then my mum rings who is at our house looking after DD - wanting to know if he is on his way back yet? When I say no she says OMG - tell him to leave now. The snow is bucketing down and 4 inches already in an hour. Mike had rung to say he was stuck at the bottom of a hill coming from work and 4x4 cars were struggling in the lanes. There is no easy way into our village - its slidy lanes all the way. So he goes and thankfully half an hour later he is home and rings me. Within 5 mins of leaving here without a flake he drives straight into a blizzard - he just about got up the worst hill but said was skidding all over the place and it was pretty hairy (but fun) he said. The village is in total whiteout. Mike has also just got back too.
It has got quite cold on the ward and the midwifes are checking temps in rooms and the radiators dont seem to be working very well so a portable one is brought to my room.
A new roomie arrives about 6pm. She looks quite normal, obviously not happy to be in here but okay. Not remotely chavvy - looks rather elegant actually so I call her posh bird. By bedtime though I have renamed her huffing puffing posh bird cos thats all she does. I suggest she pulls the curtain for privacy if she would like to - most people do this at first, I would too but she declines but then doesnt speak either. Its a bit strained so I pull the curtain as I have to get my pjs on anyway. She gets into a strappy nightdress and gets into bed. Now I know know how cold it can be at night in here. I have 5 blankets on my bed plus my red wool blanket from home. I also wear long pjs and nightshirt over the top - not attractive but warm. I know she is onto a loser for a warm nights sleep there.........
I watch the strictly final whilst reading the paper in bed - its not x factor but hey ho. Struggle to keep my eyes open beyond 10, have my jab and go to sleep.
3 more sleeps after this one.......
Saturday 18 December 2010
On the home straight...........
As I type this its Saturday am and for some reason have been awake since 5am. its my 5th weekend in hospital and hopefully my last. A week today its Christmas Day. 4 more days until baby is born and I am praying for a straight forward C-Section to get him out and that we are both well enough to go home on Christmas Eve. I have already prepared myself for the fact that I may not get out on Christmas Eve though and may still be here a day or 2 afterwards. This will be hard but better to be fit and well than go home too soon. DH will have to do the ritual of carrot, mince pie and sherry for DD and have presents etc. Mum is doing the xmas dinner so they will have to eat together and then they will join me here in the afternoon.
Send me your positive thoughts and love because I really will need them if that is the case.
Anyway, less of the what ifs, Whatever happens we will cope. I wont be on my own - I will have my son with me and some of my favourite staff are here xmas day.
Yesterday morning my nice room-mate has a raging headache and throws up before breakfast. Her BP is through the roof and I know whats coming - induction. The doc comes round and says - I think we will induce you. See, I am getting good at this diagnosis lark. She is not taken to labour ward til the afternoon though as apparently they have a rush on.
I trot off to the eye clinic and my eyes are behaving themselves for now. More black humour between me and the consultant.......and the junior in the room observing looks quite perplexed, talk of pelvic floors, bleeding and baby stuff probably doesnt come up in the normal eye consultations she observes. People are wierd - before I go in, I sit in the waiting room and this old dear just stares at me - I am dressed obviously but in slippers and with bandaged ventlon sticking out of arm and hospital name tag. I stare back but she wins. I want to say "want a photo, love? I dont though and actually as I now type this, I am thinking praps she couldnt actually see me that well - It is an eye clinic after all.
See the ward manager today - aka favourite midwife. We have a chat for a bit - she says my bump is massive, bigger than a few days ago when she saw me. I ask her about shaving down below........I have no shame in here so fast forward if you are of sensitive nature. I havent seen my lady bits in a while as I have a huge bump in the way. But for the op, obviously need to be free of foliage other wise he will spend the first 5 mins with a hedge trimmer. Paula says they are happy to shave me before hand but that that is a step too far. I will have to rope in the services of DH. I tell him to bring in the bikini line hair remover from home. Date night will be interesting as its the only time he is here without DD. So - chinese takeaway followed by lady gardening - cant wait !
Lovely visit with him, DD and mum. She is over the bug and is back to herself and its a good visit. The floor fitters came today and I see pics of the gorgeous new bathroom floor - black with silver glitter- love it.
BP has come down thanks to the pills - get in bed, nothing on TV really but do watch a bit of Graham Norton before sleep - v funny.
Another day done.
Send me your positive thoughts and love because I really will need them if that is the case.
Anyway, less of the what ifs, Whatever happens we will cope. I wont be on my own - I will have my son with me and some of my favourite staff are here xmas day.
Yesterday morning my nice room-mate has a raging headache and throws up before breakfast. Her BP is through the roof and I know whats coming - induction. The doc comes round and says - I think we will induce you. See, I am getting good at this diagnosis lark. She is not taken to labour ward til the afternoon though as apparently they have a rush on.
I trot off to the eye clinic and my eyes are behaving themselves for now. More black humour between me and the consultant.......and the junior in the room observing looks quite perplexed, talk of pelvic floors, bleeding and baby stuff probably doesnt come up in the normal eye consultations she observes. People are wierd - before I go in, I sit in the waiting room and this old dear just stares at me - I am dressed obviously but in slippers and with bandaged ventlon sticking out of arm and hospital name tag. I stare back but she wins. I want to say "want a photo, love? I dont though and actually as I now type this, I am thinking praps she couldnt actually see me that well - It is an eye clinic after all.
See the ward manager today - aka favourite midwife. We have a chat for a bit - she says my bump is massive, bigger than a few days ago when she saw me. I ask her about shaving down below........I have no shame in here so fast forward if you are of sensitive nature. I havent seen my lady bits in a while as I have a huge bump in the way. But for the op, obviously need to be free of foliage other wise he will spend the first 5 mins with a hedge trimmer. Paula says they are happy to shave me before hand but that that is a step too far. I will have to rope in the services of DH. I tell him to bring in the bikini line hair remover from home. Date night will be interesting as its the only time he is here without DD. So - chinese takeaway followed by lady gardening - cant wait !
Lovely visit with him, DD and mum. She is over the bug and is back to herself and its a good visit. The floor fitters came today and I see pics of the gorgeous new bathroom floor - black with silver glitter- love it.
BP has come down thanks to the pills - get in bed, nothing on TV really but do watch a bit of Graham Norton before sleep - v funny.
Another day done.
Friday 17 December 2010
Thursday 16th Dec.....
In the early hours I get up for a wee and happen to glance at my phone on the side. There are 2 text messages from DH saying that DD is up with some kind of stomach bug. My heart sinks at the thought of her being sick without me to look after her. DH is okay but obviously on his own looking after her and washing vomit covered sheets etc. We exhange a few texts during the night. its a low point for me. Luckily by late morning she is feeling better - DH goes to work as its his last day before taking a month off on hols/paternity leave and has a few things to get finished and mum comes round to look afer her. Schools out for her now til after xmas as they wont let her back within 48 hours of sickness. Feel better myself by lunchtime as I get a text from mum saying she has eaten soup. Phew.
The dreaded ventflon in put in again today. Thankfully a nice doc who appears to know his stuff but even so all the veins in my hands are pretty much knackered, this one goes in my forearm. Ouch. It bruises within minutes and I keep catching it as its on the underside of my arm.
I got a new room-mate yesterday. She seems okay at first but she is happy to keep herself to herself which is fine. Her other half is a tad irritating though. He is a chav through and through - head to foot in finest adidas but worse he has a really bad cold and he is either coughing or snorting snot into the back of his throat. This is one of my pet hates. GET A BLOODY TISSUE AND BLOW YOUR NOSE I wanted to shout after several hours of his snorting. After the usual moaning to go home every hour she is let out about 6ish. Phew. My friend B is visiting at the time and she has been reading the blog so knows how I feel about roomies and when we hear the doc saying she can go home me & B silently shout YES behind the curtains......
My registrar comes by to say that as my BP has been up and down for the last couple of days but today has been high, they are starting me on a low dose of medication to keep it at a safe level. Oh well, might as well get the full range of medical services while I am here.
Mind you only 2 hours passes by before the next one is shipped in. This girl is very nice and we chat a lot before bedtime. She has pre eclampsia and is monitored every 4 hours. Dont think she will be here long though as she is 39 weeks so I bet she will be induced in the morning. Nice to have a normal person who actually likes a chat.
Speak to my DD before she goes to bed and seems much chirpier. DH has the bathroom floor fitters in tomorrow am so is working late in the bathroom to get things done - putting the towel radiator back on the wall etc etc. He sits down about 9.30pm.
I watch a bit of TV before lights out at 11pm........
The dreaded ventflon in put in again today. Thankfully a nice doc who appears to know his stuff but even so all the veins in my hands are pretty much knackered, this one goes in my forearm. Ouch. It bruises within minutes and I keep catching it as its on the underside of my arm.
I got a new room-mate yesterday. She seems okay at first but she is happy to keep herself to herself which is fine. Her other half is a tad irritating though. He is a chav through and through - head to foot in finest adidas but worse he has a really bad cold and he is either coughing or snorting snot into the back of his throat. This is one of my pet hates. GET A BLOODY TISSUE AND BLOW YOUR NOSE I wanted to shout after several hours of his snorting. After the usual moaning to go home every hour she is let out about 6ish. Phew. My friend B is visiting at the time and she has been reading the blog so knows how I feel about roomies and when we hear the doc saying she can go home me & B silently shout YES behind the curtains......
My registrar comes by to say that as my BP has been up and down for the last couple of days but today has been high, they are starting me on a low dose of medication to keep it at a safe level. Oh well, might as well get the full range of medical services while I am here.
Mind you only 2 hours passes by before the next one is shipped in. This girl is very nice and we chat a lot before bedtime. She has pre eclampsia and is monitored every 4 hours. Dont think she will be here long though as she is 39 weeks so I bet she will be induced in the morning. Nice to have a normal person who actually likes a chat.
Speak to my DD before she goes to bed and seems much chirpier. DH has the bathroom floor fitters in tomorrow am so is working late in the bathroom to get things done - putting the towel radiator back on the wall etc etc. He sits down about 9.30pm.
I watch a bit of TV before lights out at 11pm........
Thursday 16 December 2010
Wed 15th.......
Well at least I have some important stuff out of the way now. DDs birthday has come and gone, Nativity play is done and I have survived.
The ward suddenly gets busy again and more people have come and gone. I am the only lifer here for now, have seen a couple of faces in one of the other 4 bedders that have been here a few days but I dont attempt to go in and strike up conversation - sorry for being a total snob but they look like chavvy unwashed types and stink of fags when I pass them. They need licences to breed if you ask me. Do they not know there are free showers here?
My blood pressure is a bit up and down so am being monitored more but they dont seem too worried at the moment - probably hormonal they say cos there is no protein in wee which means possible pre-eclampsia.
Yesterdays blog post takes me ages so I eat my lunch in my pjs and then have a shower after. Getting bored of showering wearing one plastic glove to cover up the ventflon in my hand and wearing the skanky shower flip flops. I am gonna burn them when I get out of here. I have 4 classy footwear items with me - the shower flip flops, slippers (also to be burnt when I leave ) Hot pink birkenstocks mules which look cool in the summer with tanned legs but not so hot with navy blue surgical stocking (think German holiday maker) and finally outdoor shoes which rarely get used for obvious reason - just some ballerina type flats.
My "wardrobe" is a large holdall kept under the sink which has all my day wear, underwear etc in and DH refills it with clean stuff and takes away dirty stuff from my laundry basket - otherwise know as a brown shopper bag next to the holdall. I am collecting an impressive number of books which have been given to me but I will probably not read as I am still only halfway through the Alan Sugar. Brain age peaked at 24 but now has gone up to a very poor 45 - the word memory one is a killer.
DH, DD and my mum come in the evening but DD is feisty and tired, its been a busy week for her. She livens up towards the end of the visit as there is a christmas musical box of some kind by the ward tree and she finds the volume control, turns it up full wack and twirls around like a drug crazed ballerina dancing out of control. They go home a bit early but then I get some more visitors which is lovely - DHs aunty, cousin and her daughter. We sit in the day room cos its a max of 2 adults per visit but they dont leave untilhalf hour after visiting time and its a lovely catch up. We swap Christmas pressies and look forward to seeing each other after xmas.
I watch the Apprentice semi final and its laugh out loud stuff - the interview stage. Baggs the brand finally gets his marching orders - Lord Sugar tells him he is full of shit and fires him. I could have told him that weeks ago!
The usual clexane jab and ventflon flush. Except the thing wont flush which means its is now useless and that means tomorrow I have to have a new one........great. Lets hope the vein butcher aint on duty. I would rather do it myself with a rusty knitting needle and a splash of white spirits.
The ward suddenly gets busy again and more people have come and gone. I am the only lifer here for now, have seen a couple of faces in one of the other 4 bedders that have been here a few days but I dont attempt to go in and strike up conversation - sorry for being a total snob but they look like chavvy unwashed types and stink of fags when I pass them. They need licences to breed if you ask me. Do they not know there are free showers here?
My blood pressure is a bit up and down so am being monitored more but they dont seem too worried at the moment - probably hormonal they say cos there is no protein in wee which means possible pre-eclampsia.
Yesterdays blog post takes me ages so I eat my lunch in my pjs and then have a shower after. Getting bored of showering wearing one plastic glove to cover up the ventflon in my hand and wearing the skanky shower flip flops. I am gonna burn them when I get out of here. I have 4 classy footwear items with me - the shower flip flops, slippers (also to be burnt when I leave ) Hot pink birkenstocks mules which look cool in the summer with tanned legs but not so hot with navy blue surgical stocking (think German holiday maker) and finally outdoor shoes which rarely get used for obvious reason - just some ballerina type flats.
My "wardrobe" is a large holdall kept under the sink which has all my day wear, underwear etc in and DH refills it with clean stuff and takes away dirty stuff from my laundry basket - otherwise know as a brown shopper bag next to the holdall. I am collecting an impressive number of books which have been given to me but I will probably not read as I am still only halfway through the Alan Sugar. Brain age peaked at 24 but now has gone up to a very poor 45 - the word memory one is a killer.
DH, DD and my mum come in the evening but DD is feisty and tired, its been a busy week for her. She livens up towards the end of the visit as there is a christmas musical box of some kind by the ward tree and she finds the volume control, turns it up full wack and twirls around like a drug crazed ballerina dancing out of control. They go home a bit early but then I get some more visitors which is lovely - DHs aunty, cousin and her daughter. We sit in the day room cos its a max of 2 adults per visit but they dont leave untilhalf hour after visiting time and its a lovely catch up. We swap Christmas pressies and look forward to seeing each other after xmas.
I watch the Apprentice semi final and its laugh out loud stuff - the interview stage. Baggs the brand finally gets his marching orders - Lord Sugar tells him he is full of shit and fires him. I could have told him that weeks ago!
The usual clexane jab and ventflon flush. Except the thing wont flush which means its is now useless and that means tomorrow I have to have a new one........great. Lets hope the vein butcher aint on duty. I would rather do it myself with a rusty knitting needle and a splash of white spirits.
Wednesday 15 December 2010
Stepping back on the rollercoaster....
Bit more history for you here.............
After having DD we had one Frostie left in the freezer at the fertility clinic. This is industry lingo for frozen embryo. The odds areent great with just one but we felt that we must give it a try - everytime I drove anywhere near the clinic I would always think that it was DDs sis or bro "in the freezer". I had a strong urge for another child - DH wasnt bothered - he felt that we had everything we needed - nice little family.
We did the transfer early 2008 - much less hassle this time, no injections to do or egg collection etc -just a few hormones and a bit of monitoring and a bargain at approx £1000. Then the 2week wait. Anyway it didnt work for us so that was the end of the road really. Spending 4-5k on a fresh cycle of IVF is bad enough when you dont have a child but when you already have a little family - spending that kind of money with no guarantees is something else altogether. We love our holidays and imagine where we could go with that kind of money. But then you think - how priceless is a new baby? Over the course of 2008/2009 I learnt to live with the fact that she would be the only one. DH was sure he was happy to leave it, we didnt have any savings left anyway and I was not gonna rock the boat of the very comfortable life/happy marriage etc that we are lucky to have.
My maternal longing never really went away but sometimes in life you have to accept and be thankful for what you do have rather than what you dont. Especially since the crappy year of 2004 and the counselling that came with it - My way of thinking had been re-trained by the great counseller that I had - to ditch negative thoughts as quickly as they enter your head, to send loving thoughts out to those that are aggressive or that you feel resentment for and live in the now rather than fret about whats around the corner. I know this sounds a bit fluffy and way out for most people but it works for me. If everyone sent a few positive thoughts out to people or situations that were irritating rather than negative ones we would all be feeling happier I know. I will leave it there for fear of brainwashing you with my thoughts except for one little example that happened a couple of months back.......
I was driving home from the dentist and it was a foggy day. I was coming down the country lanes back into the village and for the last couple of miles a car was following me quite closely up my behind but I didnt give it much thought until I pulled up outside a shop in the village and this car pulls up in the road next to me with a couple in their fifties shouting at me to open my window. Eh? So I open the window and the bloke and his wife start ranting about how I was dangerous without my fog lights on and didnt I know that a silver car in the fog is invisible, blah blah blah. They have obviously been working each other up following me ready to rave at me. Now I am no angel and like a good swear myself but never at the expense of someones feelings. The old pre-2004 me would probably have stuck my fingers up at them and said piss off you tossers before letting the situation eat me up for a few hours after driving away. The new me apologises and sends a bit of love to the angry couple (obviously just in my head - not by blowing kisses , that would just piss them off). The bloke is a bit stunned but still tells me I am a shit driver and once again I apologise but point out there really is no need to swear at me. Now you can guarantee this 5 minute incident would have been their topic of conversation in their house for the rest of the day, you could just tell. But for me, I sent them a few positive thoughts, let go of it and was forgotton as soon as I got in the house.
Resentment does no-one any favours in the long term.
anyway where was i?
Oh yes. October 2009 and we get some good news that DHs endowment policy from his old house bought in the eighties is worth more than we thought so decide to cash it in. That house is long gone so its bonus money really. We talk of a fab holiday for next year, getting new double glazing etc etc. One morning DH steps out of the shower and says "hey we could always use that money for a couple of goes at IVF" - it comes out of his mouth as casually as if he is asking me what I want for breakfast. Oh my God, my head is spinning with it. I thought he didnt want to, I had almost put the thought to bed. Anyway after many conversations and soul searching we do go for it and start the process again by booking an appt at the clinic, getting all the blood tests done etc.
You cant ever predict the exact timings of starting a cycle becuase it depends on where you are at with your menstrual cycle, but I have 6 weeks off work planned in Feb/March 2010 thanks to a fully paid sabbatical by my generous employers. We have already planned a once in a lifetime trip to Antigua during that 6 weeks and there is no way we are giving that up so the rough plan is to start the drugs about 3/4 days after we get back if my period comes as predicted. That should also allow me enough time to get back to work without too much disruption. That all goes tits up when for some reason my period comes earlier in Jan and Feb than expected which means I would have to start hormone injections 4 days before we are due to fly home. But its either that or delay it another month which we just do not want to do. So I get the drugs ordered and a letter from the clinic to clear customs with the needles and drugs and off we go.
In hindsight it was perfect timing, we were both busy with work, life, stressing about the IVF again, would it be a waste of money etc. And then the 3 of us step off that plane into the caribbean and we chilled big time. It is perfect. DD loves it, the people and beaches are amazing. Me and DH get pleasantly fluffy on the all inc rum punch, I have spa treatments, we snorkel and go to deserted islands on boat trips. By the time it was the first injection day I was virtually horizontal. I popped back to the suite, did the jab then went to the bar and ordered a marguerita. In 2004 we were so anxious life centred around that daily injection.
The cycle went smoothly and on 23rd April a bit of me and a bit of DH were put together by by a special doctor and on the 26th April two little embryos were put back and I entered into my 5th 2week wait. Given that we had 3 goes for it to work last time and I was now 39 we werent necessarily expecting a miracle this time. But about 9 days into the 2ww I was feeling sick, light headed and and could smell a bin from 10 miles away. By the time test day came around we just knew. TWO lines on the test appeared. We were so so lucky.
We had the early scan done on 1st June which showed one little heartbeat flickering away, and our 20 week scan showed we were having this much wanted little boy.
I wont believe it til I am holding him in my arms but that day is almost here now and I just cannot wait for this journey to be over and to go home safely with our new little one.
Thanks for reading x
After having DD we had one Frostie left in the freezer at the fertility clinic. This is industry lingo for frozen embryo. The odds areent great with just one but we felt that we must give it a try - everytime I drove anywhere near the clinic I would always think that it was DDs sis or bro "in the freezer". I had a strong urge for another child - DH wasnt bothered - he felt that we had everything we needed - nice little family.
We did the transfer early 2008 - much less hassle this time, no injections to do or egg collection etc -just a few hormones and a bit of monitoring and a bargain at approx £1000. Then the 2week wait. Anyway it didnt work for us so that was the end of the road really. Spending 4-5k on a fresh cycle of IVF is bad enough when you dont have a child but when you already have a little family - spending that kind of money with no guarantees is something else altogether. We love our holidays and imagine where we could go with that kind of money. But then you think - how priceless is a new baby? Over the course of 2008/2009 I learnt to live with the fact that she would be the only one. DH was sure he was happy to leave it, we didnt have any savings left anyway and I was not gonna rock the boat of the very comfortable life/happy marriage etc that we are lucky to have.
My maternal longing never really went away but sometimes in life you have to accept and be thankful for what you do have rather than what you dont. Especially since the crappy year of 2004 and the counselling that came with it - My way of thinking had been re-trained by the great counseller that I had - to ditch negative thoughts as quickly as they enter your head, to send loving thoughts out to those that are aggressive or that you feel resentment for and live in the now rather than fret about whats around the corner. I know this sounds a bit fluffy and way out for most people but it works for me. If everyone sent a few positive thoughts out to people or situations that were irritating rather than negative ones we would all be feeling happier I know. I will leave it there for fear of brainwashing you with my thoughts except for one little example that happened a couple of months back.......
I was driving home from the dentist and it was a foggy day. I was coming down the country lanes back into the village and for the last couple of miles a car was following me quite closely up my behind but I didnt give it much thought until I pulled up outside a shop in the village and this car pulls up in the road next to me with a couple in their fifties shouting at me to open my window. Eh? So I open the window and the bloke and his wife start ranting about how I was dangerous without my fog lights on and didnt I know that a silver car in the fog is invisible, blah blah blah. They have obviously been working each other up following me ready to rave at me. Now I am no angel and like a good swear myself but never at the expense of someones feelings. The old pre-2004 me would probably have stuck my fingers up at them and said piss off you tossers before letting the situation eat me up for a few hours after driving away. The new me apologises and sends a bit of love to the angry couple (obviously just in my head - not by blowing kisses , that would just piss them off). The bloke is a bit stunned but still tells me I am a shit driver and once again I apologise but point out there really is no need to swear at me. Now you can guarantee this 5 minute incident would have been their topic of conversation in their house for the rest of the day, you could just tell. But for me, I sent them a few positive thoughts, let go of it and was forgotton as soon as I got in the house.
Resentment does no-one any favours in the long term.
anyway where was i?
Oh yes. October 2009 and we get some good news that DHs endowment policy from his old house bought in the eighties is worth more than we thought so decide to cash it in. That house is long gone so its bonus money really. We talk of a fab holiday for next year, getting new double glazing etc etc. One morning DH steps out of the shower and says "hey we could always use that money for a couple of goes at IVF" - it comes out of his mouth as casually as if he is asking me what I want for breakfast. Oh my God, my head is spinning with it. I thought he didnt want to, I had almost put the thought to bed. Anyway after many conversations and soul searching we do go for it and start the process again by booking an appt at the clinic, getting all the blood tests done etc.
You cant ever predict the exact timings of starting a cycle becuase it depends on where you are at with your menstrual cycle, but I have 6 weeks off work planned in Feb/March 2010 thanks to a fully paid sabbatical by my generous employers. We have already planned a once in a lifetime trip to Antigua during that 6 weeks and there is no way we are giving that up so the rough plan is to start the drugs about 3/4 days after we get back if my period comes as predicted. That should also allow me enough time to get back to work without too much disruption. That all goes tits up when for some reason my period comes earlier in Jan and Feb than expected which means I would have to start hormone injections 4 days before we are due to fly home. But its either that or delay it another month which we just do not want to do. So I get the drugs ordered and a letter from the clinic to clear customs with the needles and drugs and off we go.
In hindsight it was perfect timing, we were both busy with work, life, stressing about the IVF again, would it be a waste of money etc. And then the 3 of us step off that plane into the caribbean and we chilled big time. It is perfect. DD loves it, the people and beaches are amazing. Me and DH get pleasantly fluffy on the all inc rum punch, I have spa treatments, we snorkel and go to deserted islands on boat trips. By the time it was the first injection day I was virtually horizontal. I popped back to the suite, did the jab then went to the bar and ordered a marguerita. In 2004 we were so anxious life centred around that daily injection.
The cycle went smoothly and on 23rd April a bit of me and a bit of DH were put together by by a special doctor and on the 26th April two little embryos were put back and I entered into my 5th 2week wait. Given that we had 3 goes for it to work last time and I was now 39 we werent necessarily expecting a miracle this time. But about 9 days into the 2ww I was feeling sick, light headed and and could smell a bin from 10 miles away. By the time test day came around we just knew. TWO lines on the test appeared. We were so so lucky.
We had the early scan done on 1st June which showed one little heartbeat flickering away, and our 20 week scan showed we were having this much wanted little boy.
I wont believe it til I am holding him in my arms but that day is almost here now and I just cannot wait for this journey to be over and to go home safely with our new little one.
Thanks for reading x
Tues 14th Dec - little girls birthday.
How wierd that I wake up in the early hours - just 5 mins before my DD was born at 2.55am 5 years ago today. And only a few metres away from where she was born too. I feel okay really, Read a bit of Alan Sugar, eat a few rich tea biscs and off I go back to the land of nod.
The blood woman comes and takes another sample for iron levels and cross matching.
DH textx me a pic of her opening her pressie - Barbies beach house and the massive smile on her face (plus the sight of my lounge in the background) make me have a few tears wishing I was there but it didnt last long.
Blood woman comes back just to check my personal details on the sample are right before sending to the lab whilst I am having a cry so I look like a bit of a fool. She was lovely but didnt know what to say - she just "does blood, not tears"
Breakfast Wendy is on her holidays this week so another girl does it - she is sweet but she doesnt do mug washing so I burn a few calories going to and from kitchen washing it up. This makes me sound like a right lazy so and so but there really is not much opportunity for exercise in here. We could do with Mr Motivator or Mad Lizzie ( if you are under 30 you will not know what I am talking about here) in doing a morning workout.
I am a slob today and dont have my shower until after lunch. I am letting myself go.........no the main reason is that I dont go on the baby ecg until late morning so I end up stuck on the bed in my pjs wired up to the monitor and eat my lunch from a tray over the bed like a proper sick person. Baby is obviously very excited at the prospect of fishcakes, mash and green beans and goes wild leaping around - looks like the scene in Alien just before that thing bursts out of Sigourney Weavers belly. Now that would be worth using my emergency buzzer for. Blood and gunk dripping down the walls mixed with fishcake and nhs banana mousse.
Talking of food, I have now completed the full 3 week cycle of menus and tomorrow start again with week 1. Think i must have pretty much everything on offer by now. I order tomorrows lunch - turkey roast dinner, might as well get into the festive spirit even if there is no wine on offer. I have not had a drop of alcohol since middle of april and have to say am looking forward to a glass of something sparkly in the not too distant future.........my liver has been very pleased with my period of abstinence I am sure.
Feel very excited as visiting time gets closer and get all the pressies I have been hiding out all over the bed. DD and DH arrive and she is very excited ripping off paper. We have a mini cake that mum has sent and she is covered in chocolate icing , wearing a necklace as a headband and taking photos of everything with her new camera. Such a funny sight - the staff are quite taken with her. DH later uploads her photos to facebook so I can see and they are very poor - she has a lot to learn yet - we have a close up of a blood pressure monitor, staff notice board and some christmas tree baubles. And a cute one of her face when she is using it back to front. Not the birthday I would have chosen for her but
i dont think she was in the least bit affected by it.
Have a quiet night in and go to sleep about 10.........
The blood woman comes and takes another sample for iron levels and cross matching.
DH textx me a pic of her opening her pressie - Barbies beach house and the massive smile on her face (plus the sight of my lounge in the background) make me have a few tears wishing I was there but it didnt last long.
Blood woman comes back just to check my personal details on the sample are right before sending to the lab whilst I am having a cry so I look like a bit of a fool. She was lovely but didnt know what to say - she just "does blood, not tears"
Breakfast Wendy is on her holidays this week so another girl does it - she is sweet but she doesnt do mug washing so I burn a few calories going to and from kitchen washing it up. This makes me sound like a right lazy so and so but there really is not much opportunity for exercise in here. We could do with Mr Motivator or Mad Lizzie ( if you are under 30 you will not know what I am talking about here) in doing a morning workout.
I am a slob today and dont have my shower until after lunch. I am letting myself go.........no the main reason is that I dont go on the baby ecg until late morning so I end up stuck on the bed in my pjs wired up to the monitor and eat my lunch from a tray over the bed like a proper sick person. Baby is obviously very excited at the prospect of fishcakes, mash and green beans and goes wild leaping around - looks like the scene in Alien just before that thing bursts out of Sigourney Weavers belly. Now that would be worth using my emergency buzzer for. Blood and gunk dripping down the walls mixed with fishcake and nhs banana mousse.
Talking of food, I have now completed the full 3 week cycle of menus and tomorrow start again with week 1. Think i must have pretty much everything on offer by now. I order tomorrows lunch - turkey roast dinner, might as well get into the festive spirit even if there is no wine on offer. I have not had a drop of alcohol since middle of april and have to say am looking forward to a glass of something sparkly in the not too distant future.........my liver has been very pleased with my period of abstinence I am sure.
Feel very excited as visiting time gets closer and get all the pressies I have been hiding out all over the bed. DD and DH arrive and she is very excited ripping off paper. We have a mini cake that mum has sent and she is covered in chocolate icing , wearing a necklace as a headband and taking photos of everything with her new camera. Such a funny sight - the staff are quite taken with her. DH later uploads her photos to facebook so I can see and they are very poor - she has a lot to learn yet - we have a close up of a blood pressure monitor, staff notice board and some christmas tree baubles. And a cute one of her face when she is using it back to front. Not the birthday I would have chosen for her but
i dont think she was in the least bit affected by it.
Have a quiet night in and go to sleep about 10.........
Tuesday 14 December 2010
Monday again.........13th Dec
As I type this on tuesday its 26/8. Not long to go now.
Today my BP okay still and no protein in wee so thats a relief. DD is in her nativity play this afternoon but I try not to think about it too much. I do have a crazy notion of getting a taxi and just sitting at the back with a scarf over my head in disguise. Silly. I would actually be let out if I wanted to - I have been out of here on a couple of visits before. But I know my hormones would be out of control when I saw her in her angel costume and I would be bawling like a baby. Not to mention upsetting and confusing DD. And letting the other mums see me looking like crap of course. Oh and the fact that I might have a bleed all over the place and have to dial 999. There you go, talked myself out of the daft idea after all..
DH rings to tell me the school caterers have cocked up her meal order ( outsourced to caterers by the school) and there is no booking for her lunch. She of course doesnt starve - they find her a spare meal but its highly irritating
Then he rings again later after the play to say the after school club have had some kind of breakdown in communication with her booking and when they see her with her coat on and DH is seen near the door (actually because he has been watching the nativty) They think she is going home with him but actually he has to get back to work. So its confusing for the poor little thing and she gets upset. Luckily DH spots her upset and instead she goes home to my mum thankfully. All a bit distressing for me to hear while I am stuck here but doesnt stop me calling the play leader and giving him a tongue lashing over the phone. he is mortified about the mix up and very apologetic. I know she was never going to be left on her own, the teacher would never let her leave the school but still a bit upsetting anyway. So I ring my mum ay our house and DD is actually fine - distracted by multiple episodes of Tom and Jerry. She doesnt even want to say hello tome so clearly has not been too distressed.
On the ward its still quiet and the staff are getting the xmas decorations out so now the place has fairy lights and a christmas tree to brighten things up a bit. My favourite midwife - well actually she is the ward manager comes to see me for a chat. I hadnt seen her for a few days so was thinking she had gone to do a stint on labour ward. Glad to see her.
She talks to me about next week (yes NEXT week) - Csection day and its feels more real. We talk about my supplies of stuff - delights such as big pants, house brick sanitary pads, nipple cream, loose nightshirts etc and of course babies bag - clothes, blanket, hats, nappies and whether we have it all ready. I know it sounds silly to say it but there is actually going to be a baby after all of this........you forget that sometimes when you are just trying to get through each day.
Hopefully I will come back to this ward with my baby, there is another maternity ward here but of course this one has become a second home now - she says she will try to see if I can come back here afterwards.
In the evening Dad and WSM come for a visit which is nice - they have come on the train from the midlands which is more relaxing and less hassle than driving. They bring pressies for DDs birthday tomorrow and some bits for me.
I also had a room-mate for a few hours but she gets transferred to another room before bedtime, praps it was something I said? No loss to me anyway as early indications showed she wasnt up for a chat and had moaning tendencies, plus was another yapper on the phone far too loud. God I sound very intolerant dont I ?
End the day with a bit of TV and a clexane jab in the bum. Night night x
Today my BP okay still and no protein in wee so thats a relief. DD is in her nativity play this afternoon but I try not to think about it too much. I do have a crazy notion of getting a taxi and just sitting at the back with a scarf over my head in disguise. Silly. I would actually be let out if I wanted to - I have been out of here on a couple of visits before. But I know my hormones would be out of control when I saw her in her angel costume and I would be bawling like a baby. Not to mention upsetting and confusing DD. And letting the other mums see me looking like crap of course. Oh and the fact that I might have a bleed all over the place and have to dial 999. There you go, talked myself out of the daft idea after all..
DH rings to tell me the school caterers have cocked up her meal order ( outsourced to caterers by the school) and there is no booking for her lunch. She of course doesnt starve - they find her a spare meal but its highly irritating
Then he rings again later after the play to say the after school club have had some kind of breakdown in communication with her booking and when they see her with her coat on and DH is seen near the door (actually because he has been watching the nativty) They think she is going home with him but actually he has to get back to work. So its confusing for the poor little thing and she gets upset. Luckily DH spots her upset and instead she goes home to my mum thankfully. All a bit distressing for me to hear while I am stuck here but doesnt stop me calling the play leader and giving him a tongue lashing over the phone. he is mortified about the mix up and very apologetic. I know she was never going to be left on her own, the teacher would never let her leave the school but still a bit upsetting anyway. So I ring my mum ay our house and DD is actually fine - distracted by multiple episodes of Tom and Jerry. She doesnt even want to say hello tome so clearly has not been too distressed.
On the ward its still quiet and the staff are getting the xmas decorations out so now the place has fairy lights and a christmas tree to brighten things up a bit. My favourite midwife - well actually she is the ward manager comes to see me for a chat. I hadnt seen her for a few days so was thinking she had gone to do a stint on labour ward. Glad to see her.
She talks to me about next week (yes NEXT week) - Csection day and its feels more real. We talk about my supplies of stuff - delights such as big pants, house brick sanitary pads, nipple cream, loose nightshirts etc and of course babies bag - clothes, blanket, hats, nappies and whether we have it all ready. I know it sounds silly to say it but there is actually going to be a baby after all of this........you forget that sometimes when you are just trying to get through each day.
Hopefully I will come back to this ward with my baby, there is another maternity ward here but of course this one has become a second home now - she says she will try to see if I can come back here afterwards.
In the evening Dad and WSM come for a visit which is nice - they have come on the train from the midlands which is more relaxing and less hassle than driving. They bring pressies for DDs birthday tomorrow and some bits for me.
I also had a room-mate for a few hours but she gets transferred to another room before bedtime, praps it was something I said? No loss to me anyway as early indications showed she wasnt up for a chat and had moaning tendencies, plus was another yapper on the phone far too loud. God I sound very intolerant dont I ?
End the day with a bit of TV and a clexane jab in the bum. Night night x
Monday 13 December 2010
DDs birthday party day - sun 12th
Wake up early - about 5 and just cannot get back to sleep. Am thinking about DDs party today and just hope it all goes well. I dont think she will miss me too much as its at Gullivers land splash zone and its all catered for - 12 of her friends going so I expect her to be too busy bossing everyone about and having fun. I doze off again until about 8am and then have breakfast. Then I cry into my weetabix. I dont know where these tears come from really, as I thought I was okay but I just cry from nowhere. Damn, I had almost managed a week too. Of well, better out than in. DH phones while I am tearful and he obviously feels a bit helpless - he says there is no way I can come to the party. I know this, I dont want to go its took risky and too far from the hospital.
Anyway I am fine after a while and they do my obs. Bit of protein in the wee this am and my BP is very high - about 150/95. The 95 bit is the worry. So they put me on 4 hourly BP checks. Lovely, lets chuck in a bit of pre-eclampsia to go with the previa while I am here.
They also take out the ventflon - this is number 5 since I have been here and its been in 6 days so has become blocked and sore around the bit where the needle goes in. Midwives dont replace these- a doc or SHO has to do it. Its a hateful procedure - for some reason my veins in my hands are quite deep which makes it harder to do. And what they mean when they say "here comes a sharp scratch" is brace yourself girl cos this is gonna bloody hurt. Something nice to look forward to later when they put a new one in.
The 4 hour BP checks fortunately come to nothing - by late evening the BP has settled to normal again. Phew.
I get a photo text commentary from DH at the party and everyone has arrived and DD has a ball. Have lunch at 12 - Lamb Rogan Josh which I know I will pay for later with indigestion but is a necessary evil as am starting to get a bit constipated (TMI sorry). Piles is not on my Christmas wishlist.
Its so quiet on the ward - only about 7 ladies here - 22 beds is the capacity. But that isgood for me as I ask the m/w nicely and they agree for DH and DD to come and see me at 3pm - 2 hours ahead of normal visiting hours. We have a lovely visit and I get to hear aout the party, she opens a few pressies and we much birthday cake. DH is visibly knackered and relieved that its out of the way, one less important thing on his list to get done. The bathroom is coming along but still lots to do. Mike is tiling at home so the bath can be used soon. They go at about 4.30pm
Then comes the ventflon experience. OMG, terrible. Some ham fisted doc, not sure what grade he is but he butchers my left hand with 2 failed goes - I really cannot look when they do it so thankfully do not see the extent of the cock up but when I look later my hand is covered in blood. To be fair he is very apologetic but I really dont want him to have a 3rd go. He phones his boss who sends an anaesatist to do it as they are obviously more experienced. Thank God he does it first time in my right hand. Still hurts though and the tube thing that inserts into the vein is down far enough to be at the edge of my wrist joint which now has rendered my wrist immobile. Both hands throb for the rest of the evening.
Surrender to TV - the actual x factor final is on..........Matt wins it, shame - I was rooting for the boy band. Take That are on - totally gorgeous. Have tickets for Aston Villa to see them next year.....yay thats something great to look forward to.
I go and make myself a cup of tea - Midwives say I am one of the family now so help myself and I eat cheese and bics in bed eat too many kitkats dipped in the tea. Small things keep me happy.
Watch Dirty Dancing which is one of my all time favourite films - I will never get bored of it. Its up there with Ferris Buellers Day Off and Blazing Saddles. RIP Patrick Swayze......nobody puts baby in a corner.............
Anyway I am fine after a while and they do my obs. Bit of protein in the wee this am and my BP is very high - about 150/95. The 95 bit is the worry. So they put me on 4 hourly BP checks. Lovely, lets chuck in a bit of pre-eclampsia to go with the previa while I am here.
They also take out the ventflon - this is number 5 since I have been here and its been in 6 days so has become blocked and sore around the bit where the needle goes in. Midwives dont replace these- a doc or SHO has to do it. Its a hateful procedure - for some reason my veins in my hands are quite deep which makes it harder to do. And what they mean when they say "here comes a sharp scratch" is brace yourself girl cos this is gonna bloody hurt. Something nice to look forward to later when they put a new one in.
The 4 hour BP checks fortunately come to nothing - by late evening the BP has settled to normal again. Phew.
I get a photo text commentary from DH at the party and everyone has arrived and DD has a ball. Have lunch at 12 - Lamb Rogan Josh which I know I will pay for later with indigestion but is a necessary evil as am starting to get a bit constipated (TMI sorry). Piles is not on my Christmas wishlist.
Its so quiet on the ward - only about 7 ladies here - 22 beds is the capacity. But that isgood for me as I ask the m/w nicely and they agree for DH and DD to come and see me at 3pm - 2 hours ahead of normal visiting hours. We have a lovely visit and I get to hear aout the party, she opens a few pressies and we much birthday cake. DH is visibly knackered and relieved that its out of the way, one less important thing on his list to get done. The bathroom is coming along but still lots to do. Mike is tiling at home so the bath can be used soon. They go at about 4.30pm
Then comes the ventflon experience. OMG, terrible. Some ham fisted doc, not sure what grade he is but he butchers my left hand with 2 failed goes - I really cannot look when they do it so thankfully do not see the extent of the cock up but when I look later my hand is covered in blood. To be fair he is very apologetic but I really dont want him to have a 3rd go. He phones his boss who sends an anaesatist to do it as they are obviously more experienced. Thank God he does it first time in my right hand. Still hurts though and the tube thing that inserts into the vein is down far enough to be at the edge of my wrist joint which now has rendered my wrist immobile. Both hands throb for the rest of the evening.
Surrender to TV - the actual x factor final is on..........Matt wins it, shame - I was rooting for the boy band. Take That are on - totally gorgeous. Have tickets for Aston Villa to see them next year.....yay thats something great to look forward to.
I go and make myself a cup of tea - Midwives say I am one of the family now so help myself and I eat cheese and bics in bed eat too many kitkats dipped in the tea. Small things keep me happy.
Watch Dirty Dancing which is one of my all time favourite films - I will never get bored of it. Its up there with Ferris Buellers Day Off and Blazing Saddles. RIP Patrick Swayze......nobody puts baby in a corner.............
Sunday 12 December 2010
Saturday 11th Dec
Wow, I have 2 followers of my blog.........Well actually I know theres a lot more of you out there reading. If you are reading then add on as a follower. Its not in the least bit stalkerish I promise and I think you might get some kind of alert when I add a new post. And it will make me feel like I am less of a saddo sitting here typing with the dodgy keyboard for 1-2 hours per day.
Its a funny day today (peculiar not ha ha). I imagine the madness that is going on outside of this hospital - town is only 10 mins walk away and I imagine that its mayhem being the last but one weekend until Christmas. I think of normal life at home - DH is with DD getting new tyres for the car, a boring yet normal activity. probably about 10% of the population are agonising over what to wear for their christmas do tonight. And many others are probably stressing over christmas family arrangements and how perfect the table arrangements/food/drink need to be for christmas lunch. None of this stuff is really important. I have always been in control of pretty much everything but in here I have had to accept that whilst I can organise some stuff, most things are out of my control. I have always chosen my DDs outfit each day and laid it out for her. Mainly for fear of DH choosing something that doesnt match or her leaving the house looking like a gypsy child. Silly really.......he has managed so well for the last 3.5 weeks without me making outfit choices hasnt he?
So when I get out of here lets hope I can maintain a bit more of a relaxed attitude.......family and friends around me are the most important thins, I will really try not to sweat the small stuff.
Breakfast Wendy doesnt work weekends and normally another lady works weekends but there is no sign of her today and instead its Young Boy With Nice Manners. He normally works afternoons and he looks very young, at first I thought he was on work experience but hes been here all the time I have. He always knocks my door which is open anyway and then asks if he can come in even when the curtains are open. He obviously has been brought up well but is a bit nervy at times, not suprising considering some of the sights he must see in here. He has a few extra hours this weekend he tells me when I ask.
DH comes this lunchtime with fish and chips for lunch. Yum. Still no roomie so we happily eat ourselves stupid, I havent had chips for a long time and they are lush. He is about £380 lighter after having to get 4 new tyres for his car.....lets hope it passes the MOT on Tuesday. My cars MOT ran out while Ive been in here too but he sorted that last week. Just another 2 things he has had to do along with everything else going on........he is ready for DDs party tomorrow and we discuss the very exciting shopping list that will be delivered by tesco.com a couple of days before I get out of hospital. I write the list and itll take me about 2 hours to do it on this very slow system in here but at least he wont have to battle around a supermarket to get chistmas food when joe public and his dog are filling their trolleys like the shops are going to be closed for months after christmas.
Treat myself to a nap in the afternoon and then watch the x factor final......also manage to stay awake for half of Bridget Jones - the edge of reason which is v funny but give in to sleep at 11pm.
As I type this Sun am - 24 nights down, 10 to go until baby is born.......
Its a funny day today (peculiar not ha ha). I imagine the madness that is going on outside of this hospital - town is only 10 mins walk away and I imagine that its mayhem being the last but one weekend until Christmas. I think of normal life at home - DH is with DD getting new tyres for the car, a boring yet normal activity. probably about 10% of the population are agonising over what to wear for their christmas do tonight. And many others are probably stressing over christmas family arrangements and how perfect the table arrangements/food/drink need to be for christmas lunch. None of this stuff is really important. I have always been in control of pretty much everything but in here I have had to accept that whilst I can organise some stuff, most things are out of my control. I have always chosen my DDs outfit each day and laid it out for her. Mainly for fear of DH choosing something that doesnt match or her leaving the house looking like a gypsy child. Silly really.......he has managed so well for the last 3.5 weeks without me making outfit choices hasnt he?
So when I get out of here lets hope I can maintain a bit more of a relaxed attitude.......family and friends around me are the most important thins, I will really try not to sweat the small stuff.
Breakfast Wendy doesnt work weekends and normally another lady works weekends but there is no sign of her today and instead its Young Boy With Nice Manners. He normally works afternoons and he looks very young, at first I thought he was on work experience but hes been here all the time I have. He always knocks my door which is open anyway and then asks if he can come in even when the curtains are open. He obviously has been brought up well but is a bit nervy at times, not suprising considering some of the sights he must see in here. He has a few extra hours this weekend he tells me when I ask.
DH comes this lunchtime with fish and chips for lunch. Yum. Still no roomie so we happily eat ourselves stupid, I havent had chips for a long time and they are lush. He is about £380 lighter after having to get 4 new tyres for his car.....lets hope it passes the MOT on Tuesday. My cars MOT ran out while Ive been in here too but he sorted that last week. Just another 2 things he has had to do along with everything else going on........he is ready for DDs party tomorrow and we discuss the very exciting shopping list that will be delivered by tesco.com a couple of days before I get out of hospital. I write the list and itll take me about 2 hours to do it on this very slow system in here but at least he wont have to battle around a supermarket to get chistmas food when joe public and his dog are filling their trolleys like the shops are going to be closed for months after christmas.
Treat myself to a nap in the afternoon and then watch the x factor final......also manage to stay awake for half of Bridget Jones - the edge of reason which is v funny but give in to sleep at 11pm.
As I type this Sun am - 24 nights down, 10 to go until baby is born.......
Saturday 11 December 2010
Friday 10th Dec
I am really starting to count down the days now. I have been here 22 nights and that means 11 left until C-section day. It actually gets more bearable the longer I am here - getting to know the staff better and they know me I suppose. My little space is kitted out with cards and flowers and all my stuff around me and I have just got used to it. Havent cried since last Satuday so thats almost a week and definately a record. This weekend is the challenge for me to stay strong though as on Saturday eve its our village christmas lights switch on and santa comes to see all the kids and they have fire works and hot dogs etc. Havent missed one since 2003 when we moved there. DH is taking DD, need to keep it normal for her. Then its my work Christmas do which is always hilarious and drunken and someone always gets too pissed (usually me). And we always have the Klepto challenge which results in one of us getting into big trouble - last year was a close call though with a huge illuminated christmas tree which after several drinks seemed a good idea to take. Shame we never spotted the CCTV in the restaurant until it was too late.......err actually praps its a good thing I wont be there.
And then sunday its DDs birthday party which I know she will love but will miss seeing her blow out her candles. She will have fun though as there will be 12 of her friends there and its all pretty much organised. I will see her afterwards though so I can hear. all about it.
Anyway I digress. I go and see my eye consultant again this morning. My eyes arent too bad apart from a little flare up of the iritis but nothing major. The last time I saw her was 3 weeks ago just after I was admitted. Tell her its placenta previa which is why i am still here and she just looks at me and says you really are in the best place. Agree to go back and see her again next fri for another check. She is really fantastic - just books me in her diary without question and considering she is is one of the best and most senior opthomalogy consultants here feel very glad that she is looking after me.
I will get my soapbox out here for a minute - so many people badmouth the NHS and complain and grumble that they are kept waiting too long etc etc. Whilst I appreciate there are good and bad hospitals etc
and not everyone gets a positive experience......I think its just brilliant. Amazing staff, care and cleanliness - I hear many whinging patients both in this ward and in the eye dept I just want to tell them to shut up! And what will the bill be for my 5 weeks stay - care, food, accomodation when I leave here - a bit fat £000000. ZERO, nothing at all. We should appreciate the service we get in the UK compared to that in other countries. Sorry about that - soap box going back under my bed now.
Nothing else exciting to report about today. All my monitoring is done as usual, have lunch - yummy chicken in mushroom and leek sauce with brocolli and roast potatoes. A really good visit with DH and DD and mum and then watch corrie again in bed.
Another day gone...............
And then sunday its DDs birthday party which I know she will love but will miss seeing her blow out her candles. She will have fun though as there will be 12 of her friends there and its all pretty much organised. I will see her afterwards though so I can hear. all about it.
Anyway I digress. I go and see my eye consultant again this morning. My eyes arent too bad apart from a little flare up of the iritis but nothing major. The last time I saw her was 3 weeks ago just after I was admitted. Tell her its placenta previa which is why i am still here and she just looks at me and says you really are in the best place. Agree to go back and see her again next fri for another check. She is really fantastic - just books me in her diary without question and considering she is is one of the best and most senior opthomalogy consultants here feel very glad that she is looking after me.
I will get my soapbox out here for a minute - so many people badmouth the NHS and complain and grumble that they are kept waiting too long etc etc. Whilst I appreciate there are good and bad hospitals etc
and not everyone gets a positive experience......I think its just brilliant. Amazing staff, care and cleanliness - I hear many whinging patients both in this ward and in the eye dept I just want to tell them to shut up! And what will the bill be for my 5 weeks stay - care, food, accomodation when I leave here - a bit fat £000000. ZERO, nothing at all. We should appreciate the service we get in the UK compared to that in other countries. Sorry about that - soap box going back under my bed now.
Nothing else exciting to report about today. All my monitoring is done as usual, have lunch - yummy chicken in mushroom and leek sauce with brocolli and roast potatoes. A really good visit with DH and DD and mum and then watch corrie again in bed.
Another day gone...............
Friday 10 December 2010
How did I get in your tummy mummy?
This a question my DD asks me from time to time and is a question that any child can ask their parents. Not sure what everyone else tells their kids - obviously 4 years old is too early to give an accurate version of events.
Anyway in our case we always tell her that a special doctor took a bit of mummy and a bit of daddy and mixed them up in a dish and then put them back into mummys tummy. Not far from the truth really and one day we might tell her that she is a very special IVF baby ( as is the little boy I am pregnant with now ) but for now she is satisfied with that explaination. She also knows that the doctors had to take her out of my tummy as she didnt want to come out on her own. ( a long story from 5 years ago when I spent a very short 12 days in here by comparison with pre-eclampsia, long labour followed by an emergency c-section)
Between me & dh , getting pregnant and me actually giving birth normally is not something that comes naturally........!
2004 was a crap year to put it politely. We started the year full of optimism and naive expectaion that the fertility treatment would work first time. It does for some so why not for us? We had 2 goes pretty much back to back which were unsuccessful. Inbetween the two we had a very lowkey 40th birthday weekend
away for DH in March. Emotionally I ended up rather battered and had some counselling, even went to see a hands on healer ( bit like reiki) and got into yoga. I wont try to put it into words as its pretty impossible to explain, but very tough and felt a bit grief like when my period came and the realisation that our hopes and dreams had gone down the drain again. IVF is very expensive too but we were fortunate to have some savings, and although its gutting to spend that kind of money for nothing at least we had the option.
I was 34 then and of course most of my friends were having babies themselves. That was hard and whilst I was happy for them, was feeling desperate myself. I also feel the need to acknowledge here that some of my close friends suffered their own pregnancy tragedies and must have been through hell themselves so I wasnt the only one in an emotional mess. But anyway as each baby was born, it was bittersweet for me. The only way I could get through a christening was to get stuck into the alcohol to take the edge off. This isnt turning into a sad alcoholic story by the way - but my friends will tell you that I like a few drinks and am a happy drunk............3 colleagues at work announced pregancies that year too so not easy.
Anyway, me and DH were fine, probably stronger for it despite ending the year with me almost being made redundant and suffering the shittiest holiday from hell in Cuba.
Bring on 2005..........
We had a 3rd attempt in secret in March/April 2005. I couldnt face telling anyone this time, we needed to do it quietly because although friends and family have good intentions, its horrible to get constantly asked how you are and any news yet?? And then you have to share bad news and its more upsetting.
I booked some holiday from work to coincide with the egg collection and embryo transfer and the dreaded two week wait - the worst bit cos your mind is playing tricks and you constantly analyse every little possible symptom. Its torture, not kidding.
Well this time we were lucky. When my period didnt start on the day I was expecting it we got hopeful, a few more days passed and I caved in and did a test early on day 11 and we saw two lines on the pee stick. still didnt really believe it though as wasnt official test day and the line was very faint. We went away for a couple of days to Lulworh Cove just for a change of scene and I took the official test with me. Was feeling cautiously optimistic by then but even though still apprehensive. I sat in the bathroom of the hotel room at 5am hands trembling unwrapping the test, dipped it and waited. I wont ever forget that moment that two big dark lines appeared and I sat on the loo, tears pouring silently thanking God at last.
Our gorgeous daughter was born in December that year and we felt truly blessed.
Anyway in our case we always tell her that a special doctor took a bit of mummy and a bit of daddy and mixed them up in a dish and then put them back into mummys tummy. Not far from the truth really and one day we might tell her that she is a very special IVF baby ( as is the little boy I am pregnant with now ) but for now she is satisfied with that explaination. She also knows that the doctors had to take her out of my tummy as she didnt want to come out on her own. ( a long story from 5 years ago when I spent a very short 12 days in here by comparison with pre-eclampsia, long labour followed by an emergency c-section)
Between me & dh , getting pregnant and me actually giving birth normally is not something that comes naturally........!
2004 was a crap year to put it politely. We started the year full of optimism and naive expectaion that the fertility treatment would work first time. It does for some so why not for us? We had 2 goes pretty much back to back which were unsuccessful. Inbetween the two we had a very lowkey 40th birthday weekend
away for DH in March. Emotionally I ended up rather battered and had some counselling, even went to see a hands on healer ( bit like reiki) and got into yoga. I wont try to put it into words as its pretty impossible to explain, but very tough and felt a bit grief like when my period came and the realisation that our hopes and dreams had gone down the drain again. IVF is very expensive too but we were fortunate to have some savings, and although its gutting to spend that kind of money for nothing at least we had the option.
I was 34 then and of course most of my friends were having babies themselves. That was hard and whilst I was happy for them, was feeling desperate myself. I also feel the need to acknowledge here that some of my close friends suffered their own pregnancy tragedies and must have been through hell themselves so I wasnt the only one in an emotional mess. But anyway as each baby was born, it was bittersweet for me. The only way I could get through a christening was to get stuck into the alcohol to take the edge off. This isnt turning into a sad alcoholic story by the way - but my friends will tell you that I like a few drinks and am a happy drunk............3 colleagues at work announced pregancies that year too so not easy.
Anyway, me and DH were fine, probably stronger for it despite ending the year with me almost being made redundant and suffering the shittiest holiday from hell in Cuba.
Bring on 2005..........
We had a 3rd attempt in secret in March/April 2005. I couldnt face telling anyone this time, we needed to do it quietly because although friends and family have good intentions, its horrible to get constantly asked how you are and any news yet?? And then you have to share bad news and its more upsetting.
I booked some holiday from work to coincide with the egg collection and embryo transfer and the dreaded two week wait - the worst bit cos your mind is playing tricks and you constantly analyse every little possible symptom. Its torture, not kidding.
Well this time we were lucky. When my period didnt start on the day I was expecting it we got hopeful, a few more days passed and I caved in and did a test early on day 11 and we saw two lines on the pee stick. still didnt really believe it though as wasnt official test day and the line was very faint. We went away for a couple of days to Lulworh Cove just for a change of scene and I took the official test with me. Was feeling cautiously optimistic by then but even though still apprehensive. I sat in the bathroom of the hotel room at 5am hands trembling unwrapping the test, dipped it and waited. I wont ever forget that moment that two big dark lines appeared and I sat on the loo, tears pouring silently thanking God at last.
Our gorgeous daughter was born in December that year and we felt truly blessed.
Another little bleeder.......
In the early hours of last night I wake to hear someone being wheeled into my room. Hushed voices and talk of bleeding by the person they bring in and her other half. Its easy to be nosy as its just a curtain separating me from the next bed. I am sure I will find out in the morning. I cant get back to sleep though and I get heartburn big time so I go to the office and ask for Gaviscon. It takes disgusting - aniseed only here but it works a treat and I get back to sleep.
Wake about 6.30am and when the midwife comes in to check her and offer us drinks she pulls back the curtain and introduces us. She is normal and is very chatty so we end up talking nonstop till Breakfast Wendy shows up. She is 32 weeks and came in with a random bleed just as I did 3 weeks ago today. She actually gets discharged by mid morning though as all her checks are fine. Shame for me cos she could have been my new friend for a while (Jesus I sound like a stalker dont I ?) but obviously her consultant took a different view to mine and doesnt keep bleeders in for a min of 24 hours.
Anyway I have a good day to look forward to today - Get me, I have double visitors ! Two of my oldest friends from school - C and S are coming down from Staffordshire and Leicester respectively for a lunch date in that well known michelin starred dining destination that is known as the hospital cafeteria. They arrive just before lunch and its great to see them. They come laden with gifts and cakes, which I drop off at my bed first. We walk to the cafe which in all honestly is not bad at all and we eat and spend a couple of hours catching up. I almost forget where I am for a while and it really lifts my spirits.
In the evening two girls from work come which is also entertaining and makes me laugh. Bless my colleagues- I get a mat leave pressie of John Lewis vouchers, countless magazines and most importantly a bag containing 6 freddo frogs. I get all the gossip and they have a go at brain training........W gets an age of 67 (not great) and A gets 33 (almost spot on) Its the work Christmas do this saturday and will be the first one I have missed in 13 years of working for them so I make them promise to get the office facebook addict to take lots of pics and upload them so I can view the mayhem, hangover free from my bed on Sunday.
I watch the live episode of coronation street in the dayroom for a change, theres a big flat screen tv in there so I take my cheese and biscs and munch while I watch. The TV is on quite loud to drown out the babies cries (theres a few newborns on the ward today) and lose myself in weatherfield. When Fizz goes into early labour and is wailing in pain on the tv a midwife dashes down the corridor and into the day room looking panicked. When she clocks the TV and me sitting there she laughs and relaxes. OMG she says I thought someone had gone into labour in here. I think I had better turn the telly down!
Bed at 10.30pm and i can barely keep my eyes open until the clexane jab arrives.............a good day.
Wake about 6.30am and when the midwife comes in to check her and offer us drinks she pulls back the curtain and introduces us. She is normal and is very chatty so we end up talking nonstop till Breakfast Wendy shows up. She is 32 weeks and came in with a random bleed just as I did 3 weeks ago today. She actually gets discharged by mid morning though as all her checks are fine. Shame for me cos she could have been my new friend for a while (Jesus I sound like a stalker dont I ?) but obviously her consultant took a different view to mine and doesnt keep bleeders in for a min of 24 hours.
Anyway I have a good day to look forward to today - Get me, I have double visitors ! Two of my oldest friends from school - C and S are coming down from Staffordshire and Leicester respectively for a lunch date in that well known michelin starred dining destination that is known as the hospital cafeteria. They arrive just before lunch and its great to see them. They come laden with gifts and cakes, which I drop off at my bed first. We walk to the cafe which in all honestly is not bad at all and we eat and spend a couple of hours catching up. I almost forget where I am for a while and it really lifts my spirits.
In the evening two girls from work come which is also entertaining and makes me laugh. Bless my colleagues- I get a mat leave pressie of John Lewis vouchers, countless magazines and most importantly a bag containing 6 freddo frogs. I get all the gossip and they have a go at brain training........W gets an age of 67 (not great) and A gets 33 (almost spot on) Its the work Christmas do this saturday and will be the first one I have missed in 13 years of working for them so I make them promise to get the office facebook addict to take lots of pics and upload them so I can view the mayhem, hangover free from my bed on Sunday.
I watch the live episode of coronation street in the dayroom for a change, theres a big flat screen tv in there so I take my cheese and biscs and munch while I watch. The TV is on quite loud to drown out the babies cries (theres a few newborns on the ward today) and lose myself in weatherfield. When Fizz goes into early labour and is wailing in pain on the tv a midwife dashes down the corridor and into the day room looking panicked. When she clocks the TV and me sitting there she laughs and relaxes. OMG she says I thought someone had gone into labour in here. I think I had better turn the telly down!
Bed at 10.30pm and i can barely keep my eyes open until the clexane jab arrives.............a good day.
Thursday 9 December 2010
Wed 8th Dec..........
Brain age goes up from 24 to 47. Not great. I am getting pretty damn good at tetris though.
Breakfast Wendy tells me I am much better in here as it was minus 8 yesterday on her way to work. I suppose she has a point, and at least i havent spent 48 hours in my car on a scottish motorway.
The sun is shining outside and I crave fresh air so go for a daring 10 minute walk outside. It is freezing though and makes me realise how heavy I have become just walking is an effort.
Still no roomie so have a quiet afternoon and break my own no nap rule. I have to stay awake for the Apprentice tonight.. Surely Stuart Baggs the brand has to go tonight.
Don't think I have mentioned before the other longtermer next door? She is either Russian or Polish - not sure which and with her bump is as wide as she is tall. Think Mungo from Blazing Saddles ( classic mel brooks film) Anyway i dont know why she is being kept in but she has been trying to leave for 3 days now and they wont let her go but last night there was somekind of showdown with her and 2 hard looking relatives standing looking fierce outside the midwives office. I hear some kind of confrontation and then she was gone......lets hope she doesnt return and get moved in here......
Loved the apprentice - I hope Alan has checked out Stuarts CV....... I think he is full of s**t myself. But now having read half of his autobiography - I get why he kept him in.
I go to sleep at 11.30pm - midwives are very busy tonight and i have to wait til then to get my clexane jab..........another day done.
Breakfast Wendy tells me I am much better in here as it was minus 8 yesterday on her way to work. I suppose she has a point, and at least i havent spent 48 hours in my car on a scottish motorway.
The sun is shining outside and I crave fresh air so go for a daring 10 minute walk outside. It is freezing though and makes me realise how heavy I have become just walking is an effort.
Still no roomie so have a quiet afternoon and break my own no nap rule. I have to stay awake for the Apprentice tonight.. Surely Stuart Baggs the brand has to go tonight.
Don't think I have mentioned before the other longtermer next door? She is either Russian or Polish - not sure which and with her bump is as wide as she is tall. Think Mungo from Blazing Saddles ( classic mel brooks film) Anyway i dont know why she is being kept in but she has been trying to leave for 3 days now and they wont let her go but last night there was somekind of showdown with her and 2 hard looking relatives standing looking fierce outside the midwives office. I hear some kind of confrontation and then she was gone......lets hope she doesnt return and get moved in here......
Loved the apprentice - I hope Alan has checked out Stuarts CV....... I think he is full of s**t myself. But now having read half of his autobiography - I get why he kept him in.
I go to sleep at 11.30pm - midwives are very busy tonight and i have to wait til then to get my clexane jab..........another day done.
Wednesday 8 December 2010
Tuesday - 7th Dec.
Forgot to tell you about yesterdays wheelchair taxi to the scan dept again. I had a scan booked ages ago before I came in here which wasnt cancelled so the midwives said I might aswell still go to. Bearing in mind I only had a scan last week I suspected that they might refuse to do another one so soon but when you dont see much except life on the ward, a short trip out seems appealling. Plus theres this kind of network of porters of quite amusing blokes that do these wheelchair runs. I actually have always had this fascination with hospitals and being quite nosy like to see what is going on. Might even get to the coffee shop again. My ride turns up and its a pleasant young bloke and we chat about nothing much. As I thought they wont scan me again so soon so I sit in the chair for 10 mins or so watching the world go by. For some reason most people are clueless when they come out of lift looking for the scan dept and walk past the massive desk (about 4 metres long) saying "reception". They hover in front of me scratching their heads. In the end I say - is over there over and over again. Praps I could get a job here a few hours a day? Then a porter comes to push me back. He is hilarious - a cockney geezer called terence. I expect his family and friends call him "Tel". He is typical London cabbie. I comment to him about the confusion at the reception. He says people leave what little brains they have at the entrance of the hospital......it aint hard is it luv? - follow the signs but nah, fick as two short ones the general public. I dont get paid much ere but I get all the entertainment I need. He said watch this luv and he proceeds to shout at anyone in the way "scuse me, cahmin fru, cahmin fru" they dont move out the way. see wot I mean? stupid people. A very funny man. I feel like giving him a tenner to push me round for an hour just for the comedy value........
Tuesday is proving to be a bit of a bore until late morning a midwife tells me the bbc are coming into the ward today to film and they have told them that I can be interviewed as I have been here long term. Bloody hell, have they seen what I look like??? Fortunately I am dressed and showered, so I slap on mascara and lipstick, not something I have been doing lately. lipsalve and face cream are all I have been doing. Everyone is rushing about doing extra tidying up, I even do a bit of a tidy myself. Anyway, they turn up and its actually BBC radio not TV. Phew........They do come and see me though and record an interview with me about being a lifer, what I am missing back at home and life in here in general. They are broadcasting live from the labour ward on the 10th Jan and will be using soundbites and pre-recorded interviews on the day. They ask me if they can phone me that day and get me to report in with how the csection went and how life is at home
with the new baby................
The other news is that the leaky roof has been fixed so after a week on my own the bed opposite is now back in use. Bracing myself for a succession of unsuitable room-mates. I dont wait long - but this girl is only here a few hours before being discharged early evening. She is only 12 weeks and on her 7th admission for sickness. She doesnt vomit though while she is here due to anti-sick drugs working well hence the early discharge.............Thank goodness for that.
Not sure if I said but that bloody snoring curry muncher was back last week for a couple of days - I saw her in the corridor but she was in another room. We chatted in the corridor and she was back in cos her baby isnt growing well but the she went again so I can only imagine she will be back at some point for a c section. Despite her disgusting personal habits she isnt a bad person, and she is quite chatty. But trust me if she comes back in and is put in my room I will be making a dash for the kitchens to get the sharpest knife I can find and performing my own c-section just make a faster exit..................
Tuesday is proving to be a bit of a bore until late morning a midwife tells me the bbc are coming into the ward today to film and they have told them that I can be interviewed as I have been here long term. Bloody hell, have they seen what I look like??? Fortunately I am dressed and showered, so I slap on mascara and lipstick, not something I have been doing lately. lipsalve and face cream are all I have been doing. Everyone is rushing about doing extra tidying up, I even do a bit of a tidy myself. Anyway, they turn up and its actually BBC radio not TV. Phew........They do come and see me though and record an interview with me about being a lifer, what I am missing back at home and life in here in general. They are broadcasting live from the labour ward on the 10th Jan and will be using soundbites and pre-recorded interviews on the day. They ask me if they can phone me that day and get me to report in with how the csection went and how life is at home
with the new baby................
The other news is that the leaky roof has been fixed so after a week on my own the bed opposite is now back in use. Bracing myself for a succession of unsuitable room-mates. I dont wait long - but this girl is only here a few hours before being discharged early evening. She is only 12 weeks and on her 7th admission for sickness. She doesnt vomit though while she is here due to anti-sick drugs working well hence the early discharge.............Thank goodness for that.
Not sure if I said but that bloody snoring curry muncher was back last week for a couple of days - I saw her in the corridor but she was in another room. We chatted in the corridor and she was back in cos her baby isnt growing well but the she went again so I can only imagine she will be back at some point for a c section. Despite her disgusting personal habits she isnt a bad person, and she is quite chatty. But trust me if she comes back in and is put in my room I will be making a dash for the kitchens to get the sharpest knife I can find and performing my own c-section just make a faster exit..................
Monday 6 December 2010
Just another Manic Monday.......
Monday 6th Dec: Nothing terribly exciting about today. The problem with having a room to myself is that there arent any wierd roomies to write about. I am sure it wont last but I am sort of glad I have a bit of privacy. There are lots of routines in here with other stuff chucked in to make the day more interesting sometimes.
My typical day:
6am ish: awake.
7am :hot drinks come around. Text DH to say good morning.
7.30am. Wee in a bowl so the midwife can check for stuff that shouldnt be there - protein etc
8.30am breakfast Wendy comes around. Its cereal and toast or bread, butter and jam. I always without fail have weetabix, brown bread, butter and jam. creature of habit. Breakfast Wendy is always up for a chat and She now makes me a decent cup of tea in my own mug and she washes it up for me afterwards and brings it back. note to self: must get her a bottle of something to give her before I leave. So far I have learnt that she doesnt like making toast, she has angina and high cholestrol. She likes liquorice allsorts. I tell her to stay away from the coconut ones.
9-10am. Midwife on duty says hello. I get hooked up to the baby egc for anything between 30 mins and 1 hour depending on how active he is. Blood pressure, pulse and temp all taken at this time. Ventflon thing in hand is flushed out with a saline solution to make sure its not blocked.
10am: Shower and dress. My strategy is get in the shower at this time as they have just been cleaned and those that know me know I dont like germs. In my life outside I am never far from my antibac gel. Fortunately its very clean in here, and theres antibac dispensers everywhere. That said though, I have to get in that shower first though especially as theres postnatal mums in here clutching sanitary towels the size of house bricks, you can imagine why. and if they are walking like they have lost their horse you know they are new having just pushed a baby through a hole 10cm wide and they are desperate for a shower. I can get to the shower quicker than them......enough said.
Have to get a midwife or HCA to put on surgical socks again - think 100 denier opaques with the elasticity of a million rubber bands. stops risk of dvts but not very fashionable as they comein one colour and thats navy blue.
11am: tea round.
12noon. Lunch. Food is pretty decent so thank goodness I dont starve.
1pm - 4.10pm. Almost always .Absolutely Nothing happens. Free time. I try not to nap as that means I dont sleep at night well and thats worse than being bored in the afternoon. TV is rubbish so I dont bother even looking. I read (Alan Sugars Autobiography- early xmas pressie from dh), play on DS - current brain age 24, go on internet, chat on phone - people phone me thank goodness, read a mag, whatever it takes to pass the time. I walk up and down the ward to get some exercise at least.
4.10pm. Deal or No Deal. Sad but very entertining and I love it.
5pm: Evening meal. Very early but I am used to it now.
5-7pm visiting time. Hooray! I am lucky to get a visitor/s most nights but always look forward to seeing someone new too - DH and DD come 4/5 times a week.
Doctors sometimes do their rounds in the evening. They have run out of things to say to me now - its a waiting game for me I suppose, no bleeding, no pain, just waiting.
Luckily I dont mind evening TV so I watch or read. Xfactor, The apprentice are my faves and after last nights episode - Coronation street which I hadnt watched for years.
10.15pm. Drugs round by my midwife. I have a clexane injection to prevent blood clotting as I am not very active in here and another ventflon flush.
So there you go, my day. I am a proper inmate.............is there normality out there??????
My typical day:
6am ish: awake.
7am :hot drinks come around. Text DH to say good morning.
7.30am. Wee in a bowl so the midwife can check for stuff that shouldnt be there - protein etc
8.30am breakfast Wendy comes around. Its cereal and toast or bread, butter and jam. I always without fail have weetabix, brown bread, butter and jam. creature of habit. Breakfast Wendy is always up for a chat and She now makes me a decent cup of tea in my own mug and she washes it up for me afterwards and brings it back. note to self: must get her a bottle of something to give her before I leave. So far I have learnt that she doesnt like making toast, she has angina and high cholestrol. She likes liquorice allsorts. I tell her to stay away from the coconut ones.
9-10am. Midwife on duty says hello. I get hooked up to the baby egc for anything between 30 mins and 1 hour depending on how active he is. Blood pressure, pulse and temp all taken at this time. Ventflon thing in hand is flushed out with a saline solution to make sure its not blocked.
10am: Shower and dress. My strategy is get in the shower at this time as they have just been cleaned and those that know me know I dont like germs. In my life outside I am never far from my antibac gel. Fortunately its very clean in here, and theres antibac dispensers everywhere. That said though, I have to get in that shower first though especially as theres postnatal mums in here clutching sanitary towels the size of house bricks, you can imagine why. and if they are walking like they have lost their horse you know they are new having just pushed a baby through a hole 10cm wide and they are desperate for a shower. I can get to the shower quicker than them......enough said.
Have to get a midwife or HCA to put on surgical socks again - think 100 denier opaques with the elasticity of a million rubber bands. stops risk of dvts but not very fashionable as they comein one colour and thats navy blue.
11am: tea round.
12noon. Lunch. Food is pretty decent so thank goodness I dont starve.
1pm - 4.10pm. Almost always .Absolutely Nothing happens. Free time. I try not to nap as that means I dont sleep at night well and thats worse than being bored in the afternoon. TV is rubbish so I dont bother even looking. I read (Alan Sugars Autobiography- early xmas pressie from dh), play on DS - current brain age 24, go on internet, chat on phone - people phone me thank goodness, read a mag, whatever it takes to pass the time. I walk up and down the ward to get some exercise at least.
4.10pm. Deal or No Deal. Sad but very entertining and I love it.
5pm: Evening meal. Very early but I am used to it now.
5-7pm visiting time. Hooray! I am lucky to get a visitor/s most nights but always look forward to seeing someone new too - DH and DD come 4/5 times a week.
Doctors sometimes do their rounds in the evening. They have run out of things to say to me now - its a waiting game for me I suppose, no bleeding, no pain, just waiting.
Luckily I dont mind evening TV so I watch or read. Xfactor, The apprentice are my faves and after last nights episode - Coronation street which I hadnt watched for years.
10.15pm. Drugs round by my midwife. I have a clexane injection to prevent blood clotting as I am not very active in here and another ventflon flush.
So there you go, my day. I am a proper inmate.............is there normality out there??????
Another weekend courtesy of the NHS 4/5 Dec
So this is my 3rd weekend in hospital. Its not so bad, I cant complain about the food, the care I am getting and the staff are so lovely but its the time when you would just rather be at home.
DH is taking DD to the school xmas fayre this afternoonand she will see santa in his grotto. DH tells me he has spent the morning cleaning up - the builders have departed after the bathroom re-build and windows being put in. I sit and write all the christmas cards to send back home. I get a picture text from DH of DD with Santa which is cute but then my favourite midwife comes in to see me and asks how she is and admires my mini christmas tree on the bedside locker. The tears flow from nowhere and she is distraught she has upset me and spends ages chatting to me. She is so kind and says that as there is no-one else in my room at the moment DD can visit anytime (normal visits are only 5-7 each day). She also knows that its her 5th birthday next week but they will get balloons for the day room for her when she comes to visit.
I tell her its date night tonight and DH is bringing chinese takeaway in while mum babysits so we can have a bit a time for ourselves. She laughs and winks and says we had better shut the door then so we arent disturbed. Hmmmm, given the reason why I am actually in here I dont think there will be any activity in that department do you ????
Later I go to pinch plates and cutlery from the kitchen only to find she has laid out plates, napkins folded into glasses and cutlery for us. We are only missing the wine......... The feast was lovely and we were totally stuffed afterwards.
Sunday: I am leaving the hospital again for a while today and the 3 of us go to the pub for lunch. Only about 10 mins from the hospital but a bit safer as nearer than the 25 mins journey home. Lovely lunch and great if not odd to be in a packed place with people everywhere. Am a bit self consious of my hospital wrist band and the very obvious catheter needle thing I have sticking out of my hand but never mind no-one seemed to care.
DH and DD came back to mine for a while ( ! ) before going off to do a tesco shop on the way home. The major crisis at home is they are on the last toilet roll and even though I know there is a 9 pack in the house, they are nowhere to be found.......so they have to get some more amongst other things.
DH phones later to say they got the shopping okay ( normally my job) but had acually forgotton to buy the loo roll so will be down to kitchen roll by tomorrow.
Oh well ifs thats all we have to worry about for now then its not all bad is it???
DH is taking DD to the school xmas fayre this afternoonand she will see santa in his grotto. DH tells me he has spent the morning cleaning up - the builders have departed after the bathroom re-build and windows being put in. I sit and write all the christmas cards to send back home. I get a picture text from DH of DD with Santa which is cute but then my favourite midwife comes in to see me and asks how she is and admires my mini christmas tree on the bedside locker. The tears flow from nowhere and she is distraught she has upset me and spends ages chatting to me. She is so kind and says that as there is no-one else in my room at the moment DD can visit anytime (normal visits are only 5-7 each day). She also knows that its her 5th birthday next week but they will get balloons for the day room for her when she comes to visit.
I tell her its date night tonight and DH is bringing chinese takeaway in while mum babysits so we can have a bit a time for ourselves. She laughs and winks and says we had better shut the door then so we arent disturbed. Hmmmm, given the reason why I am actually in here I dont think there will be any activity in that department do you ????
Later I go to pinch plates and cutlery from the kitchen only to find she has laid out plates, napkins folded into glasses and cutlery for us. We are only missing the wine......... The feast was lovely and we were totally stuffed afterwards.
Sunday: I am leaving the hospital again for a while today and the 3 of us go to the pub for lunch. Only about 10 mins from the hospital but a bit safer as nearer than the 25 mins journey home. Lovely lunch and great if not odd to be in a packed place with people everywhere. Am a bit self consious of my hospital wrist band and the very obvious catheter needle thing I have sticking out of my hand but never mind no-one seemed to care.
DH and DD came back to mine for a while ( ! ) before going off to do a tesco shop on the way home. The major crisis at home is they are on the last toilet roll and even though I know there is a 9 pack in the house, they are nowhere to be found.......so they have to get some more amongst other things.
DH phones later to say they got the shopping okay ( normally my job) but had acually forgotton to buy the loo roll so will be down to kitchen roll by tomorrow.
Oh well ifs thats all we have to worry about for now then its not all bad is it???
Sunday 5 December 2010
2nd Dec........
Mum and Mike come to visit tonight and we sort out the diary - now we know the section date, makes life a bit easier. Its DDs birthday while I am in here and make plans for that, although thankfully I booked a party which is all organised long before I came in here so can be sorted in my absence. And school hols are sorted cos Mum is off and she can stay over with her on the day the day the baby is born so dh can stay with me at the hospital as long as is needed.
I have been bought a DS which is something I thought I would never be interested in but Brain training is much needed in here even though I start with a brain age of 62. Hmmm definately some room for improvement there then.
I got a parcel delivered today which was very exciting.....from my dad and wicked stepmother. A box full of stuff - magazines, biscuits, choc mints, a mini christmas tree, grumpy old men book. and an activity book for dd to keep her busy when she visits me. They havent been able to visit as are quite a drive away up in the midlands and Dad has a chest infection and WS cant drive at the mo because she nearly chopped her fingers off a few weeks ago with an electric saw and still has the battle wounds
Friday 3rd is fairly uneventful, I nap in the afternoon due to the rubbish nights sleep I had the night before. Normally its not too noisy with my door shut but last night all the babies were wailing and buzzers going off all night........
19 more sleeps to go..........
I have been bought a DS which is something I thought I would never be interested in but Brain training is much needed in here even though I start with a brain age of 62. Hmmm definately some room for improvement there then.
I got a parcel delivered today which was very exciting.....from my dad and wicked stepmother. A box full of stuff - magazines, biscuits, choc mints, a mini christmas tree, grumpy old men book. and an activity book for dd to keep her busy when she visits me. They havent been able to visit as are quite a drive away up in the midlands and Dad has a chest infection and WS cant drive at the mo because she nearly chopped her fingers off a few weeks ago with an electric saw and still has the battle wounds
Friday 3rd is fairly uneventful, I nap in the afternoon due to the rubbish nights sleep I had the night before. Normally its not too noisy with my door shut but last night all the babies were wailing and buzzers going off all night........
19 more sleeps to go..........
A room to myself..........!
At about 9pm that night the chavster is discharged and my bedspace is being taken out of commision due to a leaky roof in the corner. Its not a big deal to me but of course on grounds of health and safety rules are roles.......
So I get her bed and my old bed is not in use so woo hoo I have the full 5star room to myself - absolute luxury. Well until the roof is fixed anyway..........
Wed 1st Dec and its still freezing outside. In a way glad to be in here cos in emergency getting here quickly would be a nightmare driving. DD and DH come every other night during the week so they visit tonight and we have fun charging around with rubber gloves and aprons on pretending we are doing injections. She is an amazing little girl, taking everything in her stride without mummy at home. And DH is brilliant too, effectively acting as a single Dad whilst going to work and dealing with building works going on at the house. He uploads pics to facebook so that I can see them from my room to see how progress is going. I am very lucky.
So I get her bed and my old bed is not in use so woo hoo I have the full 5star room to myself - absolute luxury. Well until the roof is fixed anyway..........
Wed 1st Dec and its still freezing outside. In a way glad to be in here cos in emergency getting here quickly would be a nightmare driving. DD and DH come every other night during the week so they visit tonight and we have fun charging around with rubber gloves and aprons on pretending we are doing injections. She is an amazing little girl, taking everything in her stride without mummy at home. And DH is brilliant too, effectively acting as a single Dad whilst going to work and dealing with building works going on at the house. He uploads pics to facebook so that I can see them from my room to see how progress is going. I am very lucky.
The moaning chav
Mon 29th evening and in comes the next roomie. She blanks me when the m/w introduces me to her and pulls her curtains around her bed. Fair enough, its not a date and i am not in here to make friends really, i have plenty of those on the'outside' but manners maketh man as my old headmaster used to preach.
Another pre-eclampsia suspect and she has to piss in a 5 litre container for 24 hours. that'll teach her. She doesnt stop moaning and huffing the whole time and gets rude with midwives when she is told she has to stay in overnight.
Tues 30th and i have another scan, this time to make sure the placenta hasnt attatched itself to the old csection scar. thankfully not as could mean excessive bleeding at the time of surgery. They do have crossmatched blood ready just in case of emergency which is comforting but hopefully it wont be needed. I was a blood donor before getting pregnant (not a great one as I felt so faint after I had to give up) but I would urge anyone who is able to give blood and doesnt already please do it......www.blood.co.uk
The chavster continues her whinging throughout the day and I control the urge to slap her. I pray she gets to go home, for my sake as well as her own. In the evening I have a lovely visit from my good friend J who comes bearing goody bags from her and a friend from work. I am a bit emotional tonight, dont know why, prob just the hormones, that and the fact that I have been here almost 2 weeks and my tea was crap tonight. I have no idea why this silly sytem is now writing in italics........who knows, sorry just go with it for now. I have aquired an infrared keyboard which is better that one finger screen touch typing but its still rubbish.
Anyway while my friends were here I had a visit from my consultant who asked whether my section date was actually booked. Well it hadnt so he sent his registrar off to book it - for approx 37 weeks. He came back 10 mins later with a date of 30th Dec......... NO NO NO I was beside myself crying and shouting and dribbling all at the same time - thats 38 weeks and I willbe stuck in here Xmas AND New Year. I begged him to change it, I cant stay that long, I have a daughter and husband at home for Gods sake! Well my hysteria paid off and he went back to the phone and came back with a date of 22nd Dec (36w +6 days) HOORAY..........I might even get home for Christmas...........
Another pre-eclampsia suspect and she has to piss in a 5 litre container for 24 hours. that'll teach her. She doesnt stop moaning and huffing the whole time and gets rude with midwives when she is told she has to stay in overnight.
Tues 30th and i have another scan, this time to make sure the placenta hasnt attatched itself to the old csection scar. thankfully not as could mean excessive bleeding at the time of surgery. They do have crossmatched blood ready just in case of emergency which is comforting but hopefully it wont be needed. I was a blood donor before getting pregnant (not a great one as I felt so faint after I had to give up) but I would urge anyone who is able to give blood and doesnt already please do it......www.blood.co.uk
The chavster continues her whinging throughout the day and I control the urge to slap her. I pray she gets to go home, for my sake as well as her own. In the evening I have a lovely visit from my good friend J who comes bearing goody bags from her and a friend from work. I am a bit emotional tonight, dont know why, prob just the hormones, that and the fact that I have been here almost 2 weeks and my tea was crap tonight. I have no idea why this silly sytem is now writing in italics........who knows, sorry just go with it for now. I have aquired an infrared keyboard which is better that one finger screen touch typing but its still rubbish.
Anyway while my friends were here I had a visit from my consultant who asked whether my section date was actually booked. Well it hadnt so he sent his registrar off to book it - for approx 37 weeks. He came back 10 mins later with a date of 30th Dec......... NO NO NO I was beside myself crying and shouting and dribbling all at the same time - thats 38 weeks and I willbe stuck in here Xmas AND New Year. I begged him to change it, I cant stay that long, I have a daughter and husband at home for Gods sake! Well my hysteria paid off and he went back to the phone and came back with a date of 22nd Dec (36w +6 days) HOORAY..........I might even get home for Christmas...........
Saturday 4 December 2010
Another new week.....w/c 29th Nov
So today I have another scan to re-confirm the location of the placenta and check babys growth. Baby is a little porker at 5lb, 14oz. Thats quite big for 33weeks. His head is down and the placenta is completely covering the exit ! No chance of it moving now. The scan lady is very funny, she has one of those contagious laughs that have your shoulders shaking for no reason.......I wait for my taxi wheelchair to take me back to the ward but the old boy porter isnt about at first so I smell fresh coffee and make a break for the coffee shop. Scan lady looks scared at me toddling off but I tell her not to worry. I am of course not actually ill and am more than capable of walking on my own, but if anything happened while off the ward I suppose someone would be in trouble. Anyway 10 mins later I am back in my chair with a lush piece of carrot cake and frothy latte, yum.
My lifer roomie went for her section thismorning after 5 weeks on the ward. Sad to see her go but she has done her time and she gets to meet her baby today. That thought just makes it all worth it for me.
My lifer roomie went for her section thismorning after 5 weeks on the ward. Sad to see her go but she has done her time and she gets to meet her baby today. That thought just makes it all worth it for me.
Moving to the room next door
Last night I also moved to the room next door as they dont like to mix antenatal ladies with mums and babies and there was a mix next door. My old friend was in there with her baby - a gorgeous little boy after a long labour so she swapped rooms with me and I was with a new friend - fellow lifer and bleeder. She had been in 5 weeks after being admitted in October. Due for her c-section next week.
Today I had a home visit for a few hours - it was lovely but a bit wierd. I felt quite feeble, not much energy but I suppose being institutionalised for 10 days makes you that way. Halfway through the bathoom building works and the house was chaotic but I didnt care. Cuddled DD on the sofa and watched a film, gathered a few things like christmas lists etc and drank delicious cups of tea from real mugs. DD was a bit upset when I had to leave to come back and then that set me off which then my mum off.......but a good visit.
Today I had a home visit for a few hours - it was lovely but a bit wierd. I felt quite feeble, not much energy but I suppose being institutionalised for 10 days makes you that way. Halfway through the bathoom building works and the house was chaotic but I didnt care. Cuddled DD on the sofa and watched a film, gathered a few things like christmas lists etc and drank delicious cups of tea from real mugs. DD was a bit upset when I had to leave to come back and then that set me off which then my mum off.......but a good visit.
Saturday 27th November
I had barely finished punching the air with joy at the departure of the curry muncher only to have a new cell mate (but thankfully only for a few hours) who was a lady suffering from hypermysesis . Not sure if I have spelt that right but basically its means severe pregnancy sickness - she was approx 30 weeks and vomitted about every 1-2 minutes. On a drip, filling bedpans with sick so quickly they couldnt take them away quick enough. And only a curtain away from me........you know that kind of dry retching sound you have when theres nothing left in your stomach? That was her. Whilst it was unpleasant to be around, I did really feel sorry for her, what a wretched feeling to have.
I spent most of the afternoon in the day room, by the evening they had a single room for her. Poor girl spent 3 days puking in that room before she went home finally.
Two lovely friends came to see me late afternoon with cake and books and was lovely to catch up for a couple of hours.
Then DH came with chinese takeaway which which we munched with stolen plates and cutlery from the ward kitchen. Very pleasant evening.
I spent most of the afternoon in the day room, by the evening they had a single room for her. Poor girl spent 3 days puking in that room before she went home finally.
Two lovely friends came to see me late afternoon with cake and books and was lovely to catch up for a couple of hours.
Then DH came with chinese takeaway which which we munched with stolen plates and cutlery from the ward kitchen. Very pleasant evening.
Going home.......or am I ?
Next day is an emotional one. I have been positive but the hormones and missing home just get you sometimes. Wendy the breakfast lady makes a kind comment about a teddy bear picture I have that DD has done for me. I bite my lip and say nothing then a lovely midwife comes and together they say how nice it is.....so I cry and the floodgates open. I look like a beetroot and after a few sobs I calm down, the staff here are so good but its very hard being away from home.
Later that day the registrat comes to see me and says I can go home tommorow as theres been no more bleeding. I cant believe it......I thought I had to stay but was definately not going to argue! Tell DH and he is like "are you sure?"
The excitement is shortlived.......an experienced midwife says she wants me to see my consultant before going. She says she has seen mums with my condition go home only to come back in ambulances hours later with heavy bleeds. Hmmmm, not a thought that fills me with happiness.
So next day I do see my consultant and she was right to intervene. He doesnt want me going anywhere. Too risky. They will section me (straightjacket or under the knife?) at 37 weeks. More tears but now I know where I stand. I am officially a lifer.
Later that day the registrat comes to see me and says I can go home tommorow as theres been no more bleeding. I cant believe it......I thought I had to stay but was definately not going to argue! Tell DH and he is like "are you sure?"
The excitement is shortlived.......an experienced midwife says she wants me to see my consultant before going. She says she has seen mums with my condition go home only to come back in ambulances hours later with heavy bleeds. Hmmmm, not a thought that fills me with happiness.
So next day I do see my consultant and she was right to intervene. He doesnt want me going anywhere. Too risky. They will section me (straightjacket or under the knife?) at 37 weeks. More tears but now I know where I stand. I am officially a lifer.
The Snoring Curry Muncher.......
So after my turker baster friend goes, the next day in moves the curry muncher. Please dont think I have a problem with Indian people, or curry. But this woman keeps strange hours......she sleeps all day and then keeps awake until 2am, with her light on whilst yapping on her mobile phone. And Jesus can she snore. I have never heard anything like it......sleep is impossible. Her hubby turns up and brings a full Indian banquet. I mean banquet - about 10 bowls , plates cutlery the lot. And it smells. A lot. If I wanted a room at the bekash curry house then I would have made a reservation. But as it happens this is my sodding bedroom too.
DH brings in my lavender room spray, and I do the curtains when she isnt there. She snores all night. I am forever thankful when 2 days later she is shipped out..........phew
DH brings in my lavender room spray, and I do the curtains when she isnt there. She snores all night. I am forever thankful when 2 days later she is shipped out..........phew
Start of a new week........
Well after having the room to myself last night, I get a new roomie today. She is really nice and in with suspected pre-eclampsia. Her partner is with her and I quickly work out they are together together if you know what I mean. Being nosy and of course I like a good story she tells me that it worked first time for them. So I ask if they did IVF and no they asked a bloke mate to donate sperm and with the all important turkey baster they make a baby.........
A couple of days later they take her to be induced as she is gettingdizzy, headaches etc. Shame to see her go really.
And then comes the roomie from hell.......
A couple of days later they take her to be induced as she is gettingdizzy, headaches etc. Shame to see her go really.
And then comes the roomie from hell.......
Wednesday 1 December 2010
Getting used to the idea........
Me and dh go into practical mode and with the help of mum we sort out before and after school stuff for dd and make plans for the next few weeks, We have a builder turning up at home on monday to do some major work to our bathroom, and put in new windows. I will do anything to avoid being at home avoiding dust and noise!
Make arrangements to start my maternity leave early from work early.
Theres a nice girl in the other bed who is also a fellow bleeder - she is just 28 weeks. dh goes home to get me some things and bring in dd to visit.
The next couple of days pass by, I am monitored and well looked after. Loads of people moan about the NHS but I have no complaints.
My fellow bleeder roomie goes home on the sunday night and the room is my own until the next one arrives!
I have a nice visit from friends H and P who bring me a lovely goody bag and its good to talk about non-hospital stuff for a while.
Make arrangements to start my maternity leave early from work early.
Theres a nice girl in the other bed who is also a fellow bleeder - she is just 28 weeks. dh goes home to get me some things and bring in dd to visit.
The next couple of days pass by, I am monitored and well looked after. Loads of people moan about the NHS but I have no complaints.
My fellow bleeder roomie goes home on the sunday night and the room is my own until the next one arrives!
I have a nice visit from friends H and P who bring me a lovely goody bag and its good to talk about non-hospital stuff for a while.
The scan, and the news...........
I had a taxi ride in a wheelchair to the radiology dept to have the scan. Baby was fine, moving and kicking on the screen but it was very obvious that I have placenta previa. At least this is the known cause of the bleeding.
DH turned up after lunch and the doc came to talk to me about the scan. I am 32w plus 1 day at this stage. I am told that as there is a high risk of bleeding I have to stay in hospital until the baby is born. Okay I think. Then I think again and then I burst into tears. OMG no way - thats weeks and weeks away. DH is shocked too. How the hell will we cope with that? DD at home without me, school etc, her birthday, christmas, all too awful to think of.
I am transferred to the antenatal ward into a quite large 2 bedded room. Oh god is this going to be home for the next few weeks?
DH turned up after lunch and the doc came to talk to me about the scan. I am 32w plus 1 day at this stage. I am told that as there is a high risk of bleeding I have to stay in hospital until the baby is born. Okay I think. Then I think again and then I burst into tears. OMG no way - thats weeks and weeks away. DH is shocked too. How the hell will we cope with that? DD at home without me, school etc, her birthday, christmas, all too awful to think of.
I am transferred to the antenatal ward into a quite large 2 bedded room. Oh god is this going to be home for the next few weeks?
18th november - a night on labour ward.....
We arrive at labour triage and am examined. The docs want to move me to labour ward this time so I can be more closely monitored - the bleed is bad enough to be a cause for concern.
Me and dh are starving and think of those lovely lamb chops we were going to have for dinner........always thinking of our stomach even in times of stress.
He goes home as its getting late and i go to my bed in a 4 bedded room. its noisy and i remember its the same room i was in almost 5 years ago before being induced to have dd. In this room are 3 other ladies. 2 are in the early stages and one poor cow vomits every time she has a contraction. The other lady is quiet until her waters go all over the floor at 3am. Then she starts contracting too. Not the best nights sleep ever but its not a spa break is it?
In the moning a doc scans me with a mobile machine and he thinks my placenta is underneath the baby, lying low on the uterus. hmm, could this explain the bleeding?
I get some breakfast - hooray at last some food. Theres no more bleeding thankfully. I am booked for a proper scan later that morning.
I wont bore you with all the details but I have this eye condition called iritis which has given me some problems for the last 5 years or so and that morning I was due in the eye clinic to see my eye consultant. I asked if i could still go to it as luckily the eye dept is right by the maternity unit. The midwife looked at me and said - well if you are sure, do you have anything to wear????? hmmm - I must have looked like the walking dead having yesterdays mascara down my face, unwashed and wearing a skanky maternity nightshirt. and no sleep. So fortunately i did have clothes and toiletry bag so after a quick clean up was acompanied by a nurse and went to my appointment. My eye cons has a very good sense of humour and she took one look at me in my creased clothes, flip flops and hospital band not to mention dark circles under my eyes and said - Jesus Christ what happened to you ??????? At least my eyes were okay and off I shuffled back to labour ward after having my eye exam.........
Me and dh are starving and think of those lovely lamb chops we were going to have for dinner........always thinking of our stomach even in times of stress.
He goes home as its getting late and i go to my bed in a 4 bedded room. its noisy and i remember its the same room i was in almost 5 years ago before being induced to have dd. In this room are 3 other ladies. 2 are in the early stages and one poor cow vomits every time she has a contraction. The other lady is quiet until her waters go all over the floor at 3am. Then she starts contracting too. Not the best nights sleep ever but its not a spa break is it?
In the moning a doc scans me with a mobile machine and he thinks my placenta is underneath the baby, lying low on the uterus. hmm, could this explain the bleeding?
I get some breakfast - hooray at last some food. Theres no more bleeding thankfully. I am booked for a proper scan later that morning.
I wont bore you with all the details but I have this eye condition called iritis which has given me some problems for the last 5 years or so and that morning I was due in the eye clinic to see my eye consultant. I asked if i could still go to it as luckily the eye dept is right by the maternity unit. The midwife looked at me and said - well if you are sure, do you have anything to wear????? hmmm - I must have looked like the walking dead having yesterdays mascara down my face, unwashed and wearing a skanky maternity nightshirt. and no sleep. So fortunately i did have clothes and toiletry bag so after a quick clean up was acompanied by a nurse and went to my appointment. My eye cons has a very good sense of humour and she took one look at me in my creased clothes, flip flops and hospital band not to mention dark circles under my eyes and said - Jesus Christ what happened to you ??????? At least my eyes were okay and off I shuffled back to labour ward after having my eye exam.........
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