So its Christmas Eve. This isnt a place I expected to be if you had asked me a few months ago. Its a bleak view from the window. Suprisingly busy outside with lots of comings and goings at the hospital.
Thank God the extreme pain has subsided today and I manage on a cocktail of paracetamol and ibroprufen. I also venture out of my room to walk down to the midwifes office every now and again. Have my shower which is much more pleasant than yesterdays experience, when I was in agony.
Feeling very homesick today, I feel ready to go and get on with being normal again. I had specifically said to DH that I want today to be as normal as possible for DD. I want her to go to the family church service and to leave out the mince pie and sherry for Santa. As much as I want to see her I dont want her doing the hospital thing today of all days.
I'm not on my own - I have my new roomie with me after all - he is cute, very small and not remotely chavvy even if he does keep strange hours he definately does not eat curry. I dont get bored of looking at him.
Strangely I dont see a doctor today and there are 2 midwives on duty on the morning shift that I haven't seen before which is wierd as I pretty much know everyone who works on this ward.
DH comes to visit while DD is at church with Nanny & Grandad. I try not to picture the scene at the village church at 3pm. Its too much to think about as I love going each year, really means the start of Christmas for me. Its only a short visit anyway as I want him to get back home. I cant help myself but cry when he leaves. I should be at home really.
There is talk of me not going home if Alex has lost too much weight - so I make sure I tank him up with both my milk which there isn't a lot of and the formula. I speak to one of the midwives on duty to try to establish what time the doc will do their rounds in the morning to do discharges - they can't tell me.
Another favourite midwife - Sue comes on in the afternoon - thank goodness a familiar face. She has a look at my wound for me - its not an attractive pose with me on the bed flat on my back and my huge paper pants on full view directly opposite the door for anyone to see. Thankfully the door is closed but its nearly 4pm and I pray that Boy With Nice Manners isnt hovering to refill my water jug. She says it looks fine anyway - healing nicely.
Whilst a couple of days ago I was happy to stay, I now have this urgent need to get out and home. At her bedtime I talk to DD on the phone and tell her to make she gets straight to sleep so Santa will come to leave her her pressies. I distract myself with what I hope will be my last evening watching TV in here. Ironically the best Christmas Eve TV has to offer is 'one born every minute' - live from the maternity wards of Southampton Hospital. I loved this programme when it was on months ago but now to be honest I am done with the whole Labour thing. I've had my fill of it.
Later I say goodnight to DH on the phone. The ward seems a little quiet, probably about 12 ladies I guess. Paula is on duty that night, she comes to see me after report at 9pm. I give her a goody bag of biscuits & bucks fizz plus a Thank You card to share in the office.
My BP is on the up again - bloody hell that is all I need. I am not on the BP tablets anymore - they stopped them after I had Alexander as it seemed to be stable. Thats another thing that might stop me going home. Can't bear that thought as I have already told DD I will see her at home tomorrow. Oh God, should I have said anything??? I dont sleep well at all - and when they do obs on me at 2am my BP is through the roof. When I ask if it will stop me going home they are very evasive - Paula wont commit and they cannot just start me on the BP tablets again without a doc saying to do so. Its all too much and I sit sobbing on the bed with Winnie another familiar midwife. Haven't I been here long enough??? I try to get some rest and Alexander keeps me company as I feed him through the night. I pray that tomorrow I get discharged. I dont want to do it but I seriously think about discharging myself anyway.
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