At about 6am Paula comes back and my BP is down slightly again thank Goodness. I am feeding Alex and she gives me a big cuddle and wishes me Happy Christmas. She gives me a little poinsetta plant and a mince pie. It sits on my table and I think its a nice gesture. I dont have any presents although DH offered to bring some in for me but I dont want any until I get home. If I am honest I couldnt care less about presents this year they just dont seem important at all. My best present was already delivered on Wednesday and the only other thing I want is to get home to my DD and DH.
The other thing to note about today is that its 'DAY 3' This is the 3rd day after having a baby when the baby blues turn up. Great, thats all I need. Its Christmas Day, I am in hospital for the 38th day on the trot without my family so why not chuck in a load of postnatal hormonal crying to add to the fun. And I dont wait long for it to kick in either.
DH rings to wish me a happy christmas and I somehow keep a grip on myself while I talk to DD briefly and can hear her shrieking in delight at her pressies. Thank God she isnt too affected by my not being there is all I can hang onto. I doze off again after this call as I have been up in the night feeding Alex. When I wake up there is a plastice cup of Bucks Fizz on my bedside table. I am guessing Paula left it for me when she went off shift. I feel sad that I wasnt awake when she left. She has been amazing throughout the whole of my stay.
Its a Saturday so Breakfast Wendy is not on duty. She told me yesterday that in the 20 years or so she has worked at the hospital she has only ever had 3 Christmas Days off and as this year Christmas day and Boxing day fall on Sat/Sun she gets the 2 days off. She was so excited to be spending her Christmas with her family. I think of her as the weekend lady serves my breakfast. What amazing dedication some of the staff have here. That makes me feel tearful and I have a moment with my weetabix. I can't face the bucks fizz, After abstaining from alcohol since April it somehow seems wrong to start again with lukewarm bucks fizz from a plastic cup. Turns out it is my gift bucks fizz which was shared out this morning in the office. Bless them.
I had been told a couple of weeks back that the Mayor of Northampton always visits the hospital wards on Christmas Day morning. I had forgotton about this until now. I am in my room having another little cry about something probably not worth crying over and I hear weekend breakfast lady say 'oh hello there....let me take you to room 7 first !' Jesus, its only the bloody Mayor and I think her husband, both kitted out in the full Mayor gear, gold chains and everything. And they are in my room, I am wearing a cardie over my attractive nightshirt and no doubt look bloody terrible. She is a lovely lady and says Happy Christmas. And I remember my manners and shake both of their hands before bursting into tears. So I am stood there unable to speak with the Mayor giving me a big cuddle while I sob out of control. Turns out she used to be a midwife and is now a health visitor so is familiar with hormonal ladies. I look back now and smile - what a priceless scene. She was so lovely and told me to get it all out - best not to bottle it up.
Alex sleeps on unaware - I will tell him this when he is older.
Another of my favourite pink ladies comes to see me - Sarah. She says its time to weigh Alex. I hold my breathe while he is stripped for the scales. Please God let him not have lost too much weight..........my prayers have been answered, he is fit to go home, only lost a couple of ounces. The Paedatrician was happy with all his checks yesterday so he is free to go. Lets just hope his Mummy is too......
After the weigh in we give him a bath too and wash his hair. I cry through this too - just because someone had come into the nursery to have a look at him and wish me happy christmas. They make the fatal error of asking how my DD is this morning. God, so I just sob through his first bath, Sarah is lovely and just pats me on the back. I bet shes seen it all before.
Lovely midwife Sue is back on duty this morning and she promises me the moment a doctor is on the ward, I will be first to be seen. I have a wander down the corridor just for something to do and go to my old room 10 - where I spent most of my time life before Alex. Someone else in there now and that time seems to have gone, forgotton. I am in a different place now, the waiting for him to be born bit seems to have vanished into nowhere. Wierd.
At 12, Christmas Lunch is served in my room. It looks pretty decent actually - the full works. There is a cracker on the side of the tray. Nice touch but who will I pull it with? I feel the tears coming again so I shut my door and eat my lunch whilst staring out of the window. I feel pretty sorry for myself. I am halfway through and theres a knock at the door - Oh God, someone else to see me crying. Its a Doctor. He comes in and sees me crying and asks if I am okay. Everything spills out of me - I just want to go home, please, please I am begging. He takes his time. He asks how I feel, how is baby, do I have a headache, flashing lights, sore stomach????? No, no, no to all of these questions. He smiles and says quietly - you can go home then. Thank you, Thank you, I want to kiss him. He will discharge me, and go and talk to the midwife to get my papers sorted and give me my take home drugs. I cannot tell you how I feel, absolutely over the moon. I am actually going to walk out of here today.
I phone DH.......he and DD are having lunch at my mums. He will be here within the hour. I start to pack and get dressed. This is just the best news ever, and for the first time today, I am grinning ear to ear.
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