Blowing the cobwebs off the blog after a long time !!!! Not many readers lurking around anymore but even after closing my follow on blog http://www.nowthefunbegins.blogspot.com/ back in the spring my time in hospital isn't ever far from my mind. I have had a couple of lovely emails from ladies who found themselves in hospital with the same condition that I had and have read my story and been in touch.
I have been back to NGH a couple of times to see my eye consultant and I have on both occasions walked past Robert Watson ward 'for old times sake' and those doors to the ward still make me have a massive lump in my throat - such emotional times this time last year........Since November I have been re-reading my hospital stay blog each day and as I have read each day from 2010 on the same day a year later in 2011 its brought some really funny, sad and happy memories for me. I am so glad I wrote it because without it I would have forgotton so much already.
As I write this its the early hours of Christmas Eve 2011 and I am wide awake. I really should be asleep as its been a busy month and Alex will be awake in a couple of hours. We celebrated his first birthday on Thursday - the year has flown by so quickly its unreal. Seems like only yesterday when he was born.
We had a brilliant summer - Center Parcs, Take That concert (obviously Alex stayed at home - too young), Christening day on 3rd July which we had a great party afterwards for family and friends, spent the whole 6 weeks school holidays at home with DD &Alex going on day trips and picnics with friends, Alex's first trip on an aeroplane for our holiday to Menorca aged 8 months - he loved it. I returned to work in October 3 days a week ( I was an emotional wreck leaving him at first) and I am now enjoying being back in the land of recruitment. We sat in the garden in the paddling pool, BBQ for lunch on the 1st October - very strange weather. And of course as I turned 40 in January (Alex was just 4 weeks old) have had to celebrate that too - had two separate weekends away with some of my oldest girlfriends. DH was brilliant and looked after both children to allow me to go away.
Finally stopped breastfeeding in July and started yoga again in August (my stomach muscles will never be the same again after 2 C-sections). Managed to lose all of my baby weight before I went back to work but in the New Year I really must do some proper exercise (famous last words).........
But for me this month has been the best. As I missed so much last year, I have enjoyed every moment of the build up to Christmas. We must have seen at least 4 different Santa's (!), been to Cadbury World for DD's birthday, saw her in her nativity play at school, taken her to her school disco (complete with blow dried hair, handbag and lipgloss), celebrated her 6th birthday. Alex is so easy going and goes along with everything - he loves all the sparkly lights. We put up the decorations first weekend of December and have at least 8 sets of lights up so its very festive. Me and DH must have clocked up at least 5 hours of wrapping presents - 2 birthdays and Christmas. And of course made it to my work Christmas party. Last year could only look at the pictures on facebook from my bed. And of course have been addicted to the X-factor (even DH watched with me this year). I am so easily pleased now - just simple stuff like sharing a bottle of wine with a friend at the pub, watching a good film on the sofa with DH, baking cakes in the kitchen with DD - there's nothing like a long stay in hospital to make you appreciate whats important. Of course I have done my fair share of rushing around, making to-do lists and get a stress-head on every now again but who doesn't???
I sent all my Christmas cards early this year and I did include one to Robert Watson ward with a little letter and photos with an update on Alex's progress over the year. The ladies there will be on my Christmas list forever now !!!!!
Every now again I get a little memory from my time in hospital. I started a new bottle of shower cream the other week and didn't even realise it was the same brand as the bottle I was using back then. The smell of it just sent me back to the communal showers and the plastic glove I wore over the dreaded ventflon (shudder). We unpacked the Christmas decs and there was the mini Christmas tree and DD's drawing of a bear I had on my bedside locker in the box (lump in throat). I got my DS game out to play with and found on it countless photos of my bed/bump/BP monitor/my own legs in hospital stockings/visitors/my holdall aka 'the wardrobe' (could I have been that bored?). I so wish I had taken photos of the staff on RW too although most off them are still there in my memory as clear as it was yesterday. Sadly even a year later the Alan Sugar book remains unfinished (not enough hours in the day)
You have probably gathered by now that its not the early hours of Christmas Eve anymore - I had to get back in bed so its now the 29th December as I write.............
I had a lovely Christmas card back from Paula and the team on the 23rd which was a great surprise. On Christmas Eve I went with my little family to the crib service at church in the village which was just perfect and we had friends back to the house afterwards and we indulged in a few glasses of wine. DD was so excited - scattering reindeer food on the lawn and leaving out sherry for Santa. And Christmas Day was spent in our very noisy house opening pressies, cooking, eating and drinking (not necessarily in that order) Alex loved it, was quite confused with all the strange activity.............What a difference a year makes. I hope the Mayor of Northampton didn't miss me bawling in her arms this year !!!!
So there you go, there's my update done. What a year its been and you know what, I wouldn't change a thing - its been exhausting, emotional, uplfting, sad and funny. But here I am a year on and so happy - 5.5 weeks was nothing really when you look back. And the reason I was there was because of my little baby boy who has just turned one............I have my DH, DD (a little star) and my gorgeous son. I am a very lucky lady.
Wishing you a wonderful happy new year xxxx
Thursday, 29 December 2011
Wednesday, 5 January 2011
A short dedication to end on.
I would like to dedicate my story to my Darling Husband and Daughter who coped so amazingly well while I wasn't at home. And to thank my Mum for her help with everything - looking after DD, cooking meals and helping out with house stuff. She actually doesn't know this blog exists yet, she worries too much and I didn't want her fretting about me whilst in hospital. I'll print it off and show her one day soon.
And all of the staff on Robert Watson ward at Northampton General Hospital. Thank you for making my stay a good one. What could have been unbearable was actually restful, amusing, yes emotional at times but you made me feel welcome, safe and 'part of the family'
The midwives were great - Paula, Helen, Emma x 2, Rebecca, Ola, Winnie. Yvonne, Sue and Gail to name a few plus student Laura (loved the apprentice chats) and the Pink Ladies - Mary, Sarah and too many others to name. Not forgetting Wendy, Alba. Boy With Nice Manners and all of the other domestic staff including the weekend breakfast lady whose name I never asked.
And of course the staff in theatre on the 22nd Dec and my consultant Mr Davies and his registrar Mohammed who didnt mind my tears when I was upset.
Thank you all so much.
Logging off now, thanks for everything x
Find out what happens next at http://www.nowthefunbegins.blogspot.com/
And all of the staff on Robert Watson ward at Northampton General Hospital. Thank you for making my stay a good one. What could have been unbearable was actually restful, amusing, yes emotional at times but you made me feel welcome, safe and 'part of the family'
The midwives were great - Paula, Helen, Emma x 2, Rebecca, Ola, Winnie. Yvonne, Sue and Gail to name a few plus student Laura (loved the apprentice chats) and the Pink Ladies - Mary, Sarah and too many others to name. Not forgetting Wendy, Alba. Boy With Nice Manners and all of the other domestic staff including the weekend breakfast lady whose name I never asked.
And of course the staff in theatre on the 22nd Dec and my consultant Mr Davies and his registrar Mohammed who didnt mind my tears when I was upset.
Thank you all so much.
Logging off now, thanks for everything x
Find out what happens next at http://www.nowthefunbegins.blogspot.com/
Going home for Christmas. Christmas Day part 2............
Sue comes into my room as soon as the Doctor has left - she is smiling and happy for me. She says she can get my prescription stuff sorted out within the the hour for my from the ward stock - obviously the hospital pharmacy is closed today. She says its will be strange around here without me there....such a lovely person.
I feed Alex and then start gathering my things. I empty the bathroom and my bedside locker and put things back into my holdall - aka 'the wardrobe'. I have the door of my room open. Theres a few dads and young children visiting their mummies. A lot of them cry as they are taken home again, Christmas Eve or Christmas Day babies born so are staying on the ward. I think myself lucky that I am at least going to spend part of Christmas at home and DH doesnt have to bring DD in for yet another visit.
DH arrives at 1pm. He has the car seat with him. I feel like I might burst with excitement at the sight of that car seat. Yes I know its only a car seat but I have lost count of how many Dads I have seen turning up with car seats over the weeks I have been here. Because that means baby is going home. Most new mums only ever stay 2 or 3 days - And whilst in room 10 have heard many cheery "Thank you very much, bye !" as the new parents have walked out of the ward back into normal life. Today its our turn.
Sue comes in with my discharge papers and drugs. I am already tearful again. Alex is now in his fleecy suit and tucked up safe in his car seat and I scan the room over and over again making sure nothing has been left behind. Dh takes the big holdall to the car. I am left in the room in my outdoor clothes and Alex in the car seat. He comes back and we walk to the midwifes office. I try not to cry but its impossible. I say thank you to Sue and before I know it I am sobbing. Thank you doesn't seem enough really. Sarah is making up beds and I say goodbye to her too. A sidewards glance to room 10 as I go, home for such a long time. I actually feel a liitle nervous of leaving.
We walk back down the corridor to the exit. This exit is where I have spent so many occasions saying goodbye to visitors but particularly where I have hugged and kissed DD after our short visits and she is taken home again leaving me with a lump in my throat as I see her little face disappear around the corner. We go through the door, DH and Alex ahead of me. I can't help look back at the door as we walk away, I half expect someone to come out and tell me theres been a mistake, I can't go. But of course they don't. I am sobbing, its all too much. Up along the corridor and out into the car park, the cold air hits me. Its Christmas Day of course and deserted, our car is the only one in the car park.
I sit in the back with Alex and sit with tears pouring down my face as we drive away from the hospital. I can't talk to DH without crying and he says to calm down, but I tell him not to worry, its all good stuff, happy tears.
When we approach our village its just looks like the best thing I have ever seen. All snowy and lovely and well, its just home. DD is still at mums so we just settle in. Alex is sleeping - welcome home little boy.
The Christmas tree and chaos of presents everywhere just looks perfect to me. Even if the Christmas tree was decorated mainly by DD and its pretty messy. Looks like the best tree I have ever seen.
DH goes to collect her and she comes running in, all excited and very happy to see me. Mum and Mike come for a short time, they have followed in the car with DD's presents from their house. I sit on the sofa having a cup of tea surrounded by my family, a little spaced out but very very happy.
I walk up the stairs for the first time and look at the new bathroom......gorgeous.
Later DD has her bath and I go up and sit with her on our bed while she dries off. Our bed feels different, all soft and luxurious and well, like our bed. But after sleeping in my single hospital bed under blankets for a few weeks its bound to feel different. I get to read her a story at bed time, something I have missed so much and we look at the huge icicles hanging from her window. Have never seen icicles in the 8 years we have lived her. Its amazing what you notice when you really look at what surrounds you. This experience has taught me to value whats important and not get caught up in silly details.
Before bed I am in the kitchen and catch sight of the diary on the work top. We always have had this diary to jot down what we are going to eat for the week just to make life easier really for food shopping etc. Its open at the week it all happened. The entry for Thursday 18th November - ' Lamb chops and veggies'. The Lamb chops we never ate. The night I was admitted for my hospital stay, frozen in time, nothing written in it after that date. I smile to myself, more silly tears pouring now as I stare at the page. Thank God its now the 25th December and not the 18th November.
I am home now, safe with my husband, daughter and baby son. I survived and am here to tell the tale.
Thank you for reading, everyone.
With Love,
Helen xxxx
I feed Alex and then start gathering my things. I empty the bathroom and my bedside locker and put things back into my holdall - aka 'the wardrobe'. I have the door of my room open. Theres a few dads and young children visiting their mummies. A lot of them cry as they are taken home again, Christmas Eve or Christmas Day babies born so are staying on the ward. I think myself lucky that I am at least going to spend part of Christmas at home and DH doesnt have to bring DD in for yet another visit.
DH arrives at 1pm. He has the car seat with him. I feel like I might burst with excitement at the sight of that car seat. Yes I know its only a car seat but I have lost count of how many Dads I have seen turning up with car seats over the weeks I have been here. Because that means baby is going home. Most new mums only ever stay 2 or 3 days - And whilst in room 10 have heard many cheery "Thank you very much, bye !" as the new parents have walked out of the ward back into normal life. Today its our turn.
Sue comes in with my discharge papers and drugs. I am already tearful again. Alex is now in his fleecy suit and tucked up safe in his car seat and I scan the room over and over again making sure nothing has been left behind. Dh takes the big holdall to the car. I am left in the room in my outdoor clothes and Alex in the car seat. He comes back and we walk to the midwifes office. I try not to cry but its impossible. I say thank you to Sue and before I know it I am sobbing. Thank you doesn't seem enough really. Sarah is making up beds and I say goodbye to her too. A sidewards glance to room 10 as I go, home for such a long time. I actually feel a liitle nervous of leaving.
We walk back down the corridor to the exit. This exit is where I have spent so many occasions saying goodbye to visitors but particularly where I have hugged and kissed DD after our short visits and she is taken home again leaving me with a lump in my throat as I see her little face disappear around the corner. We go through the door, DH and Alex ahead of me. I can't help look back at the door as we walk away, I half expect someone to come out and tell me theres been a mistake, I can't go. But of course they don't. I am sobbing, its all too much. Up along the corridor and out into the car park, the cold air hits me. Its Christmas Day of course and deserted, our car is the only one in the car park.
I sit in the back with Alex and sit with tears pouring down my face as we drive away from the hospital. I can't talk to DH without crying and he says to calm down, but I tell him not to worry, its all good stuff, happy tears.
When we approach our village its just looks like the best thing I have ever seen. All snowy and lovely and well, its just home. DD is still at mums so we just settle in. Alex is sleeping - welcome home little boy.
The Christmas tree and chaos of presents everywhere just looks perfect to me. Even if the Christmas tree was decorated mainly by DD and its pretty messy. Looks like the best tree I have ever seen.
DH goes to collect her and she comes running in, all excited and very happy to see me. Mum and Mike come for a short time, they have followed in the car with DD's presents from their house. I sit on the sofa having a cup of tea surrounded by my family, a little spaced out but very very happy.
I walk up the stairs for the first time and look at the new bathroom......gorgeous.
Later DD has her bath and I go up and sit with her on our bed while she dries off. Our bed feels different, all soft and luxurious and well, like our bed. But after sleeping in my single hospital bed under blankets for a few weeks its bound to feel different. I get to read her a story at bed time, something I have missed so much and we look at the huge icicles hanging from her window. Have never seen icicles in the 8 years we have lived her. Its amazing what you notice when you really look at what surrounds you. This experience has taught me to value whats important and not get caught up in silly details.
Before bed I am in the kitchen and catch sight of the diary on the work top. We always have had this diary to jot down what we are going to eat for the week just to make life easier really for food shopping etc. Its open at the week it all happened. The entry for Thursday 18th November - ' Lamb chops and veggies'. The Lamb chops we never ate. The night I was admitted for my hospital stay, frozen in time, nothing written in it after that date. I smile to myself, more silly tears pouring now as I stare at the page. Thank God its now the 25th December and not the 18th November.
I am home now, safe with my husband, daughter and baby son. I survived and am here to tell the tale.
Thank you for reading, everyone.
With Love,
Helen xxxx
Sunday, 2 January 2011
Its Christmas Day.........part1.
At about 6am Paula comes back and my BP is down slightly again thank Goodness. I am feeding Alex and she gives me a big cuddle and wishes me Happy Christmas. She gives me a little poinsetta plant and a mince pie. It sits on my table and I think its a nice gesture. I dont have any presents although DH offered to bring some in for me but I dont want any until I get home. If I am honest I couldnt care less about presents this year they just dont seem important at all. My best present was already delivered on Wednesday and the only other thing I want is to get home to my DD and DH.
The other thing to note about today is that its 'DAY 3' This is the 3rd day after having a baby when the baby blues turn up. Great, thats all I need. Its Christmas Day, I am in hospital for the 38th day on the trot without my family so why not chuck in a load of postnatal hormonal crying to add to the fun. And I dont wait long for it to kick in either.
DH rings to wish me a happy christmas and I somehow keep a grip on myself while I talk to DD briefly and can hear her shrieking in delight at her pressies. Thank God she isnt too affected by my not being there is all I can hang onto. I doze off again after this call as I have been up in the night feeding Alex. When I wake up there is a plastice cup of Bucks Fizz on my bedside table. I am guessing Paula left it for me when she went off shift. I feel sad that I wasnt awake when she left. She has been amazing throughout the whole of my stay.
Its a Saturday so Breakfast Wendy is not on duty. She told me yesterday that in the 20 years or so she has worked at the hospital she has only ever had 3 Christmas Days off and as this year Christmas day and Boxing day fall on Sat/Sun she gets the 2 days off. She was so excited to be spending her Christmas with her family. I think of her as the weekend lady serves my breakfast. What amazing dedication some of the staff have here. That makes me feel tearful and I have a moment with my weetabix. I can't face the bucks fizz, After abstaining from alcohol since April it somehow seems wrong to start again with lukewarm bucks fizz from a plastic cup. Turns out it is my gift bucks fizz which was shared out this morning in the office. Bless them.
I had been told a couple of weeks back that the Mayor of Northampton always visits the hospital wards on Christmas Day morning. I had forgotton about this until now. I am in my room having another little cry about something probably not worth crying over and I hear weekend breakfast lady say 'oh hello there....let me take you to room 7 first !' Jesus, its only the bloody Mayor and I think her husband, both kitted out in the full Mayor gear, gold chains and everything. And they are in my room, I am wearing a cardie over my attractive nightshirt and no doubt look bloody terrible. She is a lovely lady and says Happy Christmas. And I remember my manners and shake both of their hands before bursting into tears. So I am stood there unable to speak with the Mayor giving me a big cuddle while I sob out of control. Turns out she used to be a midwife and is now a health visitor so is familiar with hormonal ladies. I look back now and smile - what a priceless scene. She was so lovely and told me to get it all out - best not to bottle it up.
Alex sleeps on unaware - I will tell him this when he is older.
Another of my favourite pink ladies comes to see me - Sarah. She says its time to weigh Alex. I hold my breathe while he is stripped for the scales. Please God let him not have lost too much weight..........my prayers have been answered, he is fit to go home, only lost a couple of ounces. The Paedatrician was happy with all his checks yesterday so he is free to go. Lets just hope his Mummy is too......
After the weigh in we give him a bath too and wash his hair. I cry through this too - just because someone had come into the nursery to have a look at him and wish me happy christmas. They make the fatal error of asking how my DD is this morning. God, so I just sob through his first bath, Sarah is lovely and just pats me on the back. I bet shes seen it all before.
Lovely midwife Sue is back on duty this morning and she promises me the moment a doctor is on the ward, I will be first to be seen. I have a wander down the corridor just for something to do and go to my old room 10 - where I spent most of my time life before Alex. Someone else in there now and that time seems to have gone, forgotton. I am in a different place now, the waiting for him to be born bit seems to have vanished into nowhere. Wierd.
At 12, Christmas Lunch is served in my room. It looks pretty decent actually - the full works. There is a cracker on the side of the tray. Nice touch but who will I pull it with? I feel the tears coming again so I shut my door and eat my lunch whilst staring out of the window. I feel pretty sorry for myself. I am halfway through and theres a knock at the door - Oh God, someone else to see me crying. Its a Doctor. He comes in and sees me crying and asks if I am okay. Everything spills out of me - I just want to go home, please, please I am begging. He takes his time. He asks how I feel, how is baby, do I have a headache, flashing lights, sore stomach????? No, no, no to all of these questions. He smiles and says quietly - you can go home then. Thank you, Thank you, I want to kiss him. He will discharge me, and go and talk to the midwife to get my papers sorted and give me my take home drugs. I cannot tell you how I feel, absolutely over the moon. I am actually going to walk out of here today.
I phone DH.......he and DD are having lunch at my mums. He will be here within the hour. I start to pack and get dressed. This is just the best news ever, and for the first time today, I am grinning ear to ear.
The other thing to note about today is that its 'DAY 3' This is the 3rd day after having a baby when the baby blues turn up. Great, thats all I need. Its Christmas Day, I am in hospital for the 38th day on the trot without my family so why not chuck in a load of postnatal hormonal crying to add to the fun. And I dont wait long for it to kick in either.
DH rings to wish me a happy christmas and I somehow keep a grip on myself while I talk to DD briefly and can hear her shrieking in delight at her pressies. Thank God she isnt too affected by my not being there is all I can hang onto. I doze off again after this call as I have been up in the night feeding Alex. When I wake up there is a plastice cup of Bucks Fizz on my bedside table. I am guessing Paula left it for me when she went off shift. I feel sad that I wasnt awake when she left. She has been amazing throughout the whole of my stay.
Its a Saturday so Breakfast Wendy is not on duty. She told me yesterday that in the 20 years or so she has worked at the hospital she has only ever had 3 Christmas Days off and as this year Christmas day and Boxing day fall on Sat/Sun she gets the 2 days off. She was so excited to be spending her Christmas with her family. I think of her as the weekend lady serves my breakfast. What amazing dedication some of the staff have here. That makes me feel tearful and I have a moment with my weetabix. I can't face the bucks fizz, After abstaining from alcohol since April it somehow seems wrong to start again with lukewarm bucks fizz from a plastic cup. Turns out it is my gift bucks fizz which was shared out this morning in the office. Bless them.
I had been told a couple of weeks back that the Mayor of Northampton always visits the hospital wards on Christmas Day morning. I had forgotton about this until now. I am in my room having another little cry about something probably not worth crying over and I hear weekend breakfast lady say 'oh hello there....let me take you to room 7 first !' Jesus, its only the bloody Mayor and I think her husband, both kitted out in the full Mayor gear, gold chains and everything. And they are in my room, I am wearing a cardie over my attractive nightshirt and no doubt look bloody terrible. She is a lovely lady and says Happy Christmas. And I remember my manners and shake both of their hands before bursting into tears. So I am stood there unable to speak with the Mayor giving me a big cuddle while I sob out of control. Turns out she used to be a midwife and is now a health visitor so is familiar with hormonal ladies. I look back now and smile - what a priceless scene. She was so lovely and told me to get it all out - best not to bottle it up.
Alex sleeps on unaware - I will tell him this when he is older.
Another of my favourite pink ladies comes to see me - Sarah. She says its time to weigh Alex. I hold my breathe while he is stripped for the scales. Please God let him not have lost too much weight..........my prayers have been answered, he is fit to go home, only lost a couple of ounces. The Paedatrician was happy with all his checks yesterday so he is free to go. Lets just hope his Mummy is too......
After the weigh in we give him a bath too and wash his hair. I cry through this too - just because someone had come into the nursery to have a look at him and wish me happy christmas. They make the fatal error of asking how my DD is this morning. God, so I just sob through his first bath, Sarah is lovely and just pats me on the back. I bet shes seen it all before.
Lovely midwife Sue is back on duty this morning and she promises me the moment a doctor is on the ward, I will be first to be seen. I have a wander down the corridor just for something to do and go to my old room 10 - where I spent most of my time life before Alex. Someone else in there now and that time seems to have gone, forgotton. I am in a different place now, the waiting for him to be born bit seems to have vanished into nowhere. Wierd.
At 12, Christmas Lunch is served in my room. It looks pretty decent actually - the full works. There is a cracker on the side of the tray. Nice touch but who will I pull it with? I feel the tears coming again so I shut my door and eat my lunch whilst staring out of the window. I feel pretty sorry for myself. I am halfway through and theres a knock at the door - Oh God, someone else to see me crying. Its a Doctor. He comes in and sees me crying and asks if I am okay. Everything spills out of me - I just want to go home, please, please I am begging. He takes his time. He asks how I feel, how is baby, do I have a headache, flashing lights, sore stomach????? No, no, no to all of these questions. He smiles and says quietly - you can go home then. Thank you, Thank you, I want to kiss him. He will discharge me, and go and talk to the midwife to get my papers sorted and give me my take home drugs. I cannot tell you how I feel, absolutely over the moon. I am actually going to walk out of here today.
I phone DH.......he and DD are having lunch at my mums. He will be here within the hour. I start to pack and get dressed. This is just the best news ever, and for the first time today, I am grinning ear to ear.
T'was the night before Christmas........
So its Christmas Eve. This isnt a place I expected to be if you had asked me a few months ago. Its a bleak view from the window. Suprisingly busy outside with lots of comings and goings at the hospital.
Thank God the extreme pain has subsided today and I manage on a cocktail of paracetamol and ibroprufen. I also venture out of my room to walk down to the midwifes office every now and again. Have my shower which is much more pleasant than yesterdays experience, when I was in agony.
Feeling very homesick today, I feel ready to go and get on with being normal again. I had specifically said to DH that I want today to be as normal as possible for DD. I want her to go to the family church service and to leave out the mince pie and sherry for Santa. As much as I want to see her I dont want her doing the hospital thing today of all days.
I'm not on my own - I have my new roomie with me after all - he is cute, very small and not remotely chavvy even if he does keep strange hours he definately does not eat curry. I dont get bored of looking at him.
Strangely I dont see a doctor today and there are 2 midwives on duty on the morning shift that I haven't seen before which is wierd as I pretty much know everyone who works on this ward.
DH comes to visit while DD is at church with Nanny & Grandad. I try not to picture the scene at the village church at 3pm. Its too much to think about as I love going each year, really means the start of Christmas for me. Its only a short visit anyway as I want him to get back home. I cant help myself but cry when he leaves. I should be at home really.
There is talk of me not going home if Alex has lost too much weight - so I make sure I tank him up with both my milk which there isn't a lot of and the formula. I speak to one of the midwives on duty to try to establish what time the doc will do their rounds in the morning to do discharges - they can't tell me.
Another favourite midwife - Sue comes on in the afternoon - thank goodness a familiar face. She has a look at my wound for me - its not an attractive pose with me on the bed flat on my back and my huge paper pants on full view directly opposite the door for anyone to see. Thankfully the door is closed but its nearly 4pm and I pray that Boy With Nice Manners isnt hovering to refill my water jug. She says it looks fine anyway - healing nicely.
Whilst a couple of days ago I was happy to stay, I now have this urgent need to get out and home. At her bedtime I talk to DD on the phone and tell her to make she gets straight to sleep so Santa will come to leave her her pressies. I distract myself with what I hope will be my last evening watching TV in here. Ironically the best Christmas Eve TV has to offer is 'one born every minute' - live from the maternity wards of Southampton Hospital. I loved this programme when it was on months ago but now to be honest I am done with the whole Labour thing. I've had my fill of it.
Later I say goodnight to DH on the phone. The ward seems a little quiet, probably about 12 ladies I guess. Paula is on duty that night, she comes to see me after report at 9pm. I give her a goody bag of biscuits & bucks fizz plus a Thank You card to share in the office.
My BP is on the up again - bloody hell that is all I need. I am not on the BP tablets anymore - they stopped them after I had Alexander as it seemed to be stable. Thats another thing that might stop me going home. Can't bear that thought as I have already told DD I will see her at home tomorrow. Oh God, should I have said anything??? I dont sleep well at all - and when they do obs on me at 2am my BP is through the roof. When I ask if it will stop me going home they are very evasive - Paula wont commit and they cannot just start me on the BP tablets again without a doc saying to do so. Its all too much and I sit sobbing on the bed with Winnie another familiar midwife. Haven't I been here long enough??? I try to get some rest and Alexander keeps me company as I feed him through the night. I pray that tomorrow I get discharged. I dont want to do it but I seriously think about discharging myself anyway.
Thank God the extreme pain has subsided today and I manage on a cocktail of paracetamol and ibroprufen. I also venture out of my room to walk down to the midwifes office every now and again. Have my shower which is much more pleasant than yesterdays experience, when I was in agony.
Feeling very homesick today, I feel ready to go and get on with being normal again. I had specifically said to DH that I want today to be as normal as possible for DD. I want her to go to the family church service and to leave out the mince pie and sherry for Santa. As much as I want to see her I dont want her doing the hospital thing today of all days.
I'm not on my own - I have my new roomie with me after all - he is cute, very small and not remotely chavvy even if he does keep strange hours he definately does not eat curry. I dont get bored of looking at him.
Strangely I dont see a doctor today and there are 2 midwives on duty on the morning shift that I haven't seen before which is wierd as I pretty much know everyone who works on this ward.
DH comes to visit while DD is at church with Nanny & Grandad. I try not to picture the scene at the village church at 3pm. Its too much to think about as I love going each year, really means the start of Christmas for me. Its only a short visit anyway as I want him to get back home. I cant help myself but cry when he leaves. I should be at home really.
There is talk of me not going home if Alex has lost too much weight - so I make sure I tank him up with both my milk which there isn't a lot of and the formula. I speak to one of the midwives on duty to try to establish what time the doc will do their rounds in the morning to do discharges - they can't tell me.
Another favourite midwife - Sue comes on in the afternoon - thank goodness a familiar face. She has a look at my wound for me - its not an attractive pose with me on the bed flat on my back and my huge paper pants on full view directly opposite the door for anyone to see. Thankfully the door is closed but its nearly 4pm and I pray that Boy With Nice Manners isnt hovering to refill my water jug. She says it looks fine anyway - healing nicely.
Whilst a couple of days ago I was happy to stay, I now have this urgent need to get out and home. At her bedtime I talk to DD on the phone and tell her to make she gets straight to sleep so Santa will come to leave her her pressies. I distract myself with what I hope will be my last evening watching TV in here. Ironically the best Christmas Eve TV has to offer is 'one born every minute' - live from the maternity wards of Southampton Hospital. I loved this programme when it was on months ago but now to be honest I am done with the whole Labour thing. I've had my fill of it.
Later I say goodnight to DH on the phone. The ward seems a little quiet, probably about 12 ladies I guess. Paula is on duty that night, she comes to see me after report at 9pm. I give her a goody bag of biscuits & bucks fizz plus a Thank You card to share in the office.
My BP is on the up again - bloody hell that is all I need. I am not on the BP tablets anymore - they stopped them after I had Alexander as it seemed to be stable. Thats another thing that might stop me going home. Can't bear that thought as I have already told DD I will see her at home tomorrow. Oh God, should I have said anything??? I dont sleep well at all - and when they do obs on me at 2am my BP is through the roof. When I ask if it will stop me going home they are very evasive - Paula wont commit and they cannot just start me on the BP tablets again without a doc saying to do so. Its all too much and I sit sobbing on the bed with Winnie another familiar midwife. Haven't I been here long enough??? I try to get some rest and Alexander keeps me company as I feed him through the night. I pray that tomorrow I get discharged. I dont want to do it but I seriously think about discharging myself anyway.
Friday, 31 December 2010
Room upgrade..........Thursday 23rd
Paula (fave midwife/ward manager) is on duty this morning and she comes to see me straight away. She is pleased to meet this little baby at last. its lovely to see her too - 'on the other side'.
My catheter is taken out and I am free to leave my bed to go for a wee. I have to fill 3 bedpans and declare them for inspection before my bladder is deemed normal and functioning. This isnt difficult as I am making up for lost time drinking gallons of iced water and tea, still thirsty from the nil by mouth rules of the day before.
I have my breakfast - breakfast Wendy is on duty and its good to see her too. Loving the familiarity of my 'friends' on the ward and they are loving seeing Alex in a cot instead of a huge bump in me!
Paula and a couple of pink ladies come back (HCA's) and she says, c'mon, we are moving you. I am moved to room 7........and wait for it....its a single ensuite room. Oh the luxury is just too exciting for words. I have my OWN bathroom after 5 weeks of communal showers and loo's. It has a towel rail ! and a big window and lots of space. Not sure if I would have got this anyway but suspect its a reward for good behaviour.......
Still no milk has come in for Alex but he is feeding okay on the colostrum at first. The pain kicks in for me and I am limping like an old lady......sitting up from lying down is near impossible and on more than one occasion I find myself lying on my back like a stranded tortoise legs and arms unable to go anywhere. Can't reach the call bell either so I have to inch my way to the edge of the bed and roll ever so slowly over. I am also now the beholder of house brick size sanitary towels so glamour has long gone out of the window. Fortunately though as I did not have to push this baby out, I dont walk like I have lost my horse but just like I have had my stomach muscles cut. Oh yes, thats what did happen!
I get some relief at 2pm on the drugs round and I take all the drugs on offer - hardcore liquid morphine helps the pain.
I am so excited about visiting time at 5pm. DH had already been first thing to see us both for an hour or so but then had to get back to collect DD from her sleepover at nannys. At 5pm DD comes to meet her baby brother for the first time. Mum comes too. It is a sight that I never thought I would see - my daughter AND my son having a cuddle. She is delighted with him and keeps kissing him and says " I am your big sister Alex and I love you I think" The years of sadness and longing for a baby and then later wanting another are gone. I am cured, its over , its now finished business. I can lay it to rest and we can get on with being a little family.
I feel very lucky.
The registrar comes to see me - he is happy with BP, baby seems okay so possibly could go home tomorrow (Christmas Eve) but I am not sure I am ready, still feel so much pain and I want to get Alex feeding well. I feel torn as I want to go home for Christmas so much but lets see what happens tomorrow.
I have a succession of visitors from the 'inside' to meet baby Alex - as each shift comes on duty I get midwives and pink ladies coming to say hello to see how I have got on.
I get a text from H - my last roomie asking how I got on, she went home yesterday on strict orders of resting.
I also meet posh bird in the corridor. She is still here - her baby in SCBU , not really poorly but struggling to feed. She thinks she will be here for a while yet.
After hours of trying in the early hours I have to give in and give him more formula as the milk hasnt come in yet but before each feed he has about 5 mins from me first before I top him up. He seems to be able to do boob and bottle withought any problem so I dont worry too much.
Time for sleep........Christmas Eve tomorrow.
My catheter is taken out and I am free to leave my bed to go for a wee. I have to fill 3 bedpans and declare them for inspection before my bladder is deemed normal and functioning. This isnt difficult as I am making up for lost time drinking gallons of iced water and tea, still thirsty from the nil by mouth rules of the day before.
I have my breakfast - breakfast Wendy is on duty and its good to see her too. Loving the familiarity of my 'friends' on the ward and they are loving seeing Alex in a cot instead of a huge bump in me!
Paula and a couple of pink ladies come back (HCA's) and she says, c'mon, we are moving you. I am moved to room 7........and wait for it....its a single ensuite room. Oh the luxury is just too exciting for words. I have my OWN bathroom after 5 weeks of communal showers and loo's. It has a towel rail ! and a big window and lots of space. Not sure if I would have got this anyway but suspect its a reward for good behaviour.......
Still no milk has come in for Alex but he is feeding okay on the colostrum at first. The pain kicks in for me and I am limping like an old lady......sitting up from lying down is near impossible and on more than one occasion I find myself lying on my back like a stranded tortoise legs and arms unable to go anywhere. Can't reach the call bell either so I have to inch my way to the edge of the bed and roll ever so slowly over. I am also now the beholder of house brick size sanitary towels so glamour has long gone out of the window. Fortunately though as I did not have to push this baby out, I dont walk like I have lost my horse but just like I have had my stomach muscles cut. Oh yes, thats what did happen!
I get some relief at 2pm on the drugs round and I take all the drugs on offer - hardcore liquid morphine helps the pain.
I am so excited about visiting time at 5pm. DH had already been first thing to see us both for an hour or so but then had to get back to collect DD from her sleepover at nannys. At 5pm DD comes to meet her baby brother for the first time. Mum comes too. It is a sight that I never thought I would see - my daughter AND my son having a cuddle. She is delighted with him and keeps kissing him and says " I am your big sister Alex and I love you I think" The years of sadness and longing for a baby and then later wanting another are gone. I am cured, its over , its now finished business. I can lay it to rest and we can get on with being a little family.
I feel very lucky.
The registrar comes to see me - he is happy with BP, baby seems okay so possibly could go home tomorrow (Christmas Eve) but I am not sure I am ready, still feel so much pain and I want to get Alex feeding well. I feel torn as I want to go home for Christmas so much but lets see what happens tomorrow.
I have a succession of visitors from the 'inside' to meet baby Alex - as each shift comes on duty I get midwives and pink ladies coming to say hello to see how I have got on.
I get a text from H - my last roomie asking how I got on, she went home yesterday on strict orders of resting.
I also meet posh bird in the corridor. She is still here - her baby in SCBU , not really poorly but struggling to feed. She thinks she will be here for a while yet.
After hours of trying in the early hours I have to give in and give him more formula as the milk hasnt come in yet but before each feed he has about 5 mins from me first before I top him up. He seems to be able to do boob and bottle withought any problem so I dont worry too much.
Time for sleep........Christmas Eve tomorrow.
Wednesday, 29 December 2010
Wednesday 22nd DEC - part 2. Welcome to the World, Alexander William
The first thing I see is DH holding our baby boy. I remember feeling amazingly happy and smiling up at them both. Another immediate thought that came to mind is "Thank God I made it". I feel no pain. DH later told me I was talking a load of gibberish - just an after effect of the GA. We already had decided on his name, months earlier. Alexander just becuase we like it and can shorten it to Alex and William was my Grandads name even though he prefered to be known as Arthur and also after DH's Uncle Bill who we lost to Cancer.
Apparently they made the first incision at 3.21pm and he was born 3 mins later at 3.24pm
After a short time in recovery we go to HDU where the three of us spent the next few hours. I have fond memories of this time, felt so relaxed and relieved that everything went well. I lost only a minimal amount of blood - 600mls which is normal for a Standard C-Section. So all those precautions put in place werent needed. I will be eternally grateful for the skill of the Consultant and the staff in theatre that day.
Cannot help but stare at the little boy, he is so cute and perfect and blissfully unaware of the weeks leading to his birth - and so he should be. He had a formula feed when he was first born, DH gave this to him and I do try to feed him myself in HDU but theres no milk yet.
I get given a jug of iced water which DH lets me have with a straw and it tastes like the best drink I have ever had. I had been nil by mouth since midnight the night before and have never known thirst like it. I also get toast and jam which is just perfect. BP is taken by a machine every 15 mins, seems okay. I have a catheter in so least dont worry about having to go for a wee.
Alexander is in the bed with me for cuddles. He looks like his big sister did when she was first born. He pulls some funny faces and he just seems so small. Actually for 36weeks +6 days he is a good size at 7lbs 1oz.
I have access to a morphine trigger shot but I dont use it. I cant feel any pain at all. I get a lovely wash and freshen up and get to brush my teeth helped by a lovely maternity nurse and get my own nightshirt on which feels lovely. At about 10pm they decide I can be transferred back to the ward. A porter comes to take me in a wheelchair - I am able to edge over the side of the bed and sit up with help slowly. I dont feel dizzy or anything which is great. A midwife pushes Alex in his cot, DH carries my bag and off we go to the ward. I am taken back to the same one thank goodness but am put in a 4 bedded room with other mums and newborns. I am so happy, I just cannot believe I am here with my baby after all these weeks.
Its about 11.15pm when DH goes home for some much needed sleep.
I dont sleep much that night. Me and baby have skin to skin contact to bring his temp up a little bit as he is a little bit cool. Its lovely - his little head is poking out of the top of my night shirt and we stare at each other, his eyes blinking up at me. I doze off in the early hours and so does he. His temp reaches the right level and he sleeps in his cot next to me.
Welcome to the world Alexander.
Apparently they made the first incision at 3.21pm and he was born 3 mins later at 3.24pm
After a short time in recovery we go to HDU where the three of us spent the next few hours. I have fond memories of this time, felt so relaxed and relieved that everything went well. I lost only a minimal amount of blood - 600mls which is normal for a Standard C-Section. So all those precautions put in place werent needed. I will be eternally grateful for the skill of the Consultant and the staff in theatre that day.
Cannot help but stare at the little boy, he is so cute and perfect and blissfully unaware of the weeks leading to his birth - and so he should be. He had a formula feed when he was first born, DH gave this to him and I do try to feed him myself in HDU but theres no milk yet.
I get given a jug of iced water which DH lets me have with a straw and it tastes like the best drink I have ever had. I had been nil by mouth since midnight the night before and have never known thirst like it. I also get toast and jam which is just perfect. BP is taken by a machine every 15 mins, seems okay. I have a catheter in so least dont worry about having to go for a wee.
Alexander is in the bed with me for cuddles. He looks like his big sister did when she was first born. He pulls some funny faces and he just seems so small. Actually for 36weeks +6 days he is a good size at 7lbs 1oz.
I have access to a morphine trigger shot but I dont use it. I cant feel any pain at all. I get a lovely wash and freshen up and get to brush my teeth helped by a lovely maternity nurse and get my own nightshirt on which feels lovely. At about 10pm they decide I can be transferred back to the ward. A porter comes to take me in a wheelchair - I am able to edge over the side of the bed and sit up with help slowly. I dont feel dizzy or anything which is great. A midwife pushes Alex in his cot, DH carries my bag and off we go to the ward. I am taken back to the same one thank goodness but am put in a 4 bedded room with other mums and newborns. I am so happy, I just cannot believe I am here with my baby after all these weeks.
Its about 11.15pm when DH goes home for some much needed sleep.
I dont sleep much that night. Me and baby have skin to skin contact to bring his temp up a little bit as he is a little bit cool. Its lovely - his little head is poking out of the top of my night shirt and we stare at each other, his eyes blinking up at me. I doze off in the early hours and so does he. His temp reaches the right level and he sleeps in his cot next to me.
Welcome to the world Alexander.
Sunday, 26 December 2010
Wednesday 22nd Dec 2010 - part 1
Time to tell the rest of the story........
After I finished writing on Tuesday last week I had a suprise visit from DD and DH which was lovely. Couldnt believe this would be my last night in this bed. Watched some TV in the day room and went to bed. Praying for no snow tomorrow so all can go ahead as planned.
Wednesday 22nd:
Looked out of my window at 5.30am to see it absolutely chucking it down with snow. There hadnt been much here. Until now of course. Text DH to make sure he could set off asap. He was due to leave at 7am to get here for 7.30am but mum got to our house earlier to be with DD so he could set off.
He arrives at 7am safe and sound. I have had an early shower, nil by mouth so just wait. H wishes me luck. We have exchanged mobile numbers to keep in touch. Midwife on duty wishes me luck and then 2 people in scrubs collect me and DH to go down to Labour Ward. All my stuff is pushed on a wheelchair to a bed where I will end up in HDU after theatre.
I have a real sense of going holiday - thats sounds wrong cos its clearly not a holiday but its that air of expectation and the waiting being over.
Its very quiet in Labour Ward, and me & DH are shown to a bed where we wait. We are told we are second into theatre. Then we wait and chat and feel excited that this day is here at long last. But then we wait and wait some more. The snow is terrible outside and they decide to only have one theatre open - staff are stuck everywhere en route.
A consultant comes at 11am at explained they are delaying me because although they have cross-matched blood for me, they dont have platelets and in case of extreme emergency they have to have them for me. They are being sent from John Radcliffe at Oxford but who knows how long with the traffic? And I feel more apprehensive.......how serious a patient am I that they need to have platelets as well as blood???? Why wasnt this sorted before? I feel tense. At 12.30pm they come to tell us that we may be cancelled that day. I am devastated and a little angry. So much mental preparation has gone into this day for me.
At 2pm another Doctor comes to say we are going ahead......in 10 mins. Thank God. The platelets have arrived. We walk to the theatre, DH is in scrubs but can't come in as its a GA. We kiss goodbye and the doors closes. Lump in my throat but I don't cry. I am helped up onto the table.
Now having told my Dad later what comes next I said I wouldnt write this in my blog but I feel I need to include it. Its important for me add it. The following 30 mins or so after entering theatre were pretty scary, some of the most apprehensive moments of my life. Theres about 12 staff in there - Consultants, Doctor, SHO, Anaesatist, midwife, obstetrician, paedatritions x2 plus others. They put 2 Ventflons in me - thats okay I am used to those. Then an arterial line in my left wrist (not sure why but it hurts). Then it fails and goes into spasm ( Thank God I have my eyes closed but I feel a warm gush onto my hands) They get one in my right wrist but it takes a while. I have my legs in stirrups and drips put in, then my belly is painted with yellow antiseptic. One lady is holding my hand and comforting me, but my head is elsewhere, I breathe deep and picture an Antiguan beach, the field at the back of my house. Anything but this. Then the worst part is that each member of the team stands around me in a circle and they introduce each other to the team, stating their name, job title and what risk they have with each aspect of my care. I think without humour that its like the icebreaker on a training course. Each risk factor is stuff I dont want to hear: Bleeding, platelets, group and save, tranfusion, baby resusitation, haemorraging etc etc. I start to cry, its horrible to hear and I wonder whether I might survive this. Sounds dramatic but that just the thought I had in my head.
The mask goes on my face and I pray for the anaesthetic to work quickly. I am told that in a moment I will feel it and like I have drunk a Gin and Tonic. Please make it a double and make it now. I feel woozy.................then I am gone.
After I finished writing on Tuesday last week I had a suprise visit from DD and DH which was lovely. Couldnt believe this would be my last night in this bed. Watched some TV in the day room and went to bed. Praying for no snow tomorrow so all can go ahead as planned.
Wednesday 22nd:
Looked out of my window at 5.30am to see it absolutely chucking it down with snow. There hadnt been much here. Until now of course. Text DH to make sure he could set off asap. He was due to leave at 7am to get here for 7.30am but mum got to our house earlier to be with DD so he could set off.
He arrives at 7am safe and sound. I have had an early shower, nil by mouth so just wait. H wishes me luck. We have exchanged mobile numbers to keep in touch. Midwife on duty wishes me luck and then 2 people in scrubs collect me and DH to go down to Labour Ward. All my stuff is pushed on a wheelchair to a bed where I will end up in HDU after theatre.
I have a real sense of going holiday - thats sounds wrong cos its clearly not a holiday but its that air of expectation and the waiting being over.
Its very quiet in Labour Ward, and me & DH are shown to a bed where we wait. We are told we are second into theatre. Then we wait and chat and feel excited that this day is here at long last. But then we wait and wait some more. The snow is terrible outside and they decide to only have one theatre open - staff are stuck everywhere en route.
A consultant comes at 11am at explained they are delaying me because although they have cross-matched blood for me, they dont have platelets and in case of extreme emergency they have to have them for me. They are being sent from John Radcliffe at Oxford but who knows how long with the traffic? And I feel more apprehensive.......how serious a patient am I that they need to have platelets as well as blood???? Why wasnt this sorted before? I feel tense. At 12.30pm they come to tell us that we may be cancelled that day. I am devastated and a little angry. So much mental preparation has gone into this day for me.
At 2pm another Doctor comes to say we are going ahead......in 10 mins. Thank God. The platelets have arrived. We walk to the theatre, DH is in scrubs but can't come in as its a GA. We kiss goodbye and the doors closes. Lump in my throat but I don't cry. I am helped up onto the table.
Now having told my Dad later what comes next I said I wouldnt write this in my blog but I feel I need to include it. Its important for me add it. The following 30 mins or so after entering theatre were pretty scary, some of the most apprehensive moments of my life. Theres about 12 staff in there - Consultants, Doctor, SHO, Anaesatist, midwife, obstetrician, paedatritions x2 plus others. They put 2 Ventflons in me - thats okay I am used to those. Then an arterial line in my left wrist (not sure why but it hurts). Then it fails and goes into spasm ( Thank God I have my eyes closed but I feel a warm gush onto my hands) They get one in my right wrist but it takes a while. I have my legs in stirrups and drips put in, then my belly is painted with yellow antiseptic. One lady is holding my hand and comforting me, but my head is elsewhere, I breathe deep and picture an Antiguan beach, the field at the back of my house. Anything but this. Then the worst part is that each member of the team stands around me in a circle and they introduce each other to the team, stating their name, job title and what risk they have with each aspect of my care. I think without humour that its like the icebreaker on a training course. Each risk factor is stuff I dont want to hear: Bleeding, platelets, group and save, tranfusion, baby resusitation, haemorraging etc etc. I start to cry, its horrible to hear and I wonder whether I might survive this. Sounds dramatic but that just the thought I had in my head.
The mask goes on my face and I pray for the anaesthetic to work quickly. I am told that in a moment I will feel it and like I have drunk a Gin and Tonic. Please make it a double and make it now. I feel woozy.................then I am gone.
Tuesday, 21 December 2010
Last day.......almost the end of this journey before the new one starts.......
So here we are. My last full day. I feel very strange. I have had some lovely texts, emails and calls from friends/family wishing me luck for tomorrow. I keep thinking someone will come and say they have made a mistake and I have to stay longer. Midwives and catering staff all come and see me excited for me that its tomorrow. Have to pack all of my bits later today so that it will all get moved with me. Chances are that I will be back on this ward afterwards but not in this room.
Me and H (roomie) chat from when we get up. We are both fast asleep at 6.30am when the lights go on and the midwifes spring into action with pills, BP checks and the usual. Bit dazed but we chat whilst waiting for breakfast. I havent even had to read, watch tv or brain train, makes a nice change.
Eat breakfast 5 weeks of weetabix and 2 slices of brown bread, butter and jam. Will I eat this when I get home? No probably not. Havent had a bacon buttie for ages!!!
Go on the monitor, baby is active. Have shower and then lunch........
I am now typing almost in real time as obviously tomorrow will have other things going on! Had a nap after lunch. DH rings me and over the phone I tell him where to find christmas pressies that he needs to wrap. DD is with her nanny so he can get a few bits done. He texts me later to say everything is wrapped.
Over the last couple of weeks I have painstakingly been putting together a tesco.com order to be delivered tonight to save him the pain of shopping. Due to this slow system have prob spent 4 hours doing it. Well they rang yesterday to say due to the snow they cannot deliver but we could collect from store. So we agree to do that. DH went there this morning only to be told it wasnt ready and would have to come back this afternoon. Every little helps my a**e. So he text me half an hour ago to say he was back there but they have lost the order and he was in the cafe having a free coffee while they try to locate it. I remember an episode of the Good Life from my childhood when Margo is distraught because her Christmas is being delivered in a van but doesnt turn up.......For Gods sake it cant be that hard . he says he will give it 10 more mins before telling them to stick it and he will have to find time to go to sainsburys. I try my hardest to send tescos some love but struggle so I send it to DH instead.
My phone buzzes.......I HAVE THE SHOPPING............yay !
So then.......nothing much left for me to say. All my little personal things are packed. Seem to have acculated a lot of stuff while I have been here but now its all neatly packed, ready to be moved to my next location. Will say goodbye to my hospital holiday apartment at about 7.30am tomorrow morning with a tear in my eye. Its been an experience and I have enjoyed sharing it via this blog.
Thank you for reading and all the messages of support along the way.
I'll be back when I can to let you know how it goes.....
With much Love
Helen x
Me and H (roomie) chat from when we get up. We are both fast asleep at 6.30am when the lights go on and the midwifes spring into action with pills, BP checks and the usual. Bit dazed but we chat whilst waiting for breakfast. I havent even had to read, watch tv or brain train, makes a nice change.
Eat breakfast 5 weeks of weetabix and 2 slices of brown bread, butter and jam. Will I eat this when I get home? No probably not. Havent had a bacon buttie for ages!!!
Go on the monitor, baby is active. Have shower and then lunch........
I am now typing almost in real time as obviously tomorrow will have other things going on! Had a nap after lunch. DH rings me and over the phone I tell him where to find christmas pressies that he needs to wrap. DD is with her nanny so he can get a few bits done. He texts me later to say everything is wrapped.
Over the last couple of weeks I have painstakingly been putting together a tesco.com order to be delivered tonight to save him the pain of shopping. Due to this slow system have prob spent 4 hours doing it. Well they rang yesterday to say due to the snow they cannot deliver but we could collect from store. So we agree to do that. DH went there this morning only to be told it wasnt ready and would have to come back this afternoon. Every little helps my a**e. So he text me half an hour ago to say he was back there but they have lost the order and he was in the cafe having a free coffee while they try to locate it. I remember an episode of the Good Life from my childhood when Margo is distraught because her Christmas is being delivered in a van but doesnt turn up.......For Gods sake it cant be that hard . he says he will give it 10 more mins before telling them to stick it and he will have to find time to go to sainsburys. I try my hardest to send tescos some love but struggle so I send it to DH instead.
My phone buzzes.......I HAVE THE SHOPPING............yay !
So then.......nothing much left for me to say. All my little personal things are packed. Seem to have acculated a lot of stuff while I have been here but now its all neatly packed, ready to be moved to my next location. Will say goodbye to my hospital holiday apartment at about 7.30am tomorrow morning with a tear in my eye. Its been an experience and I have enjoyed sharing it via this blog.
Thank you for reading and all the messages of support along the way.
I'll be back when I can to let you know how it goes.....
With much Love
Helen x
Monday Monday...........
Despite feeling a bit miserable yesteday and a few tears this morning I get a grip back on myself. Only 2 days to go........
We dont have a good nights sleep in here. Posh bird is up most of the night monitoring blood sugar levels and and I get a bit of high blood pressure so am monitored hourly as I complain of chest pain. Turns out its just indigestion after all ( blame the chicken curry I had at lunchtime) but a bit of a worry and I feel like crap in the morning from lack of sleep. The doc comes round to speak to her and although she is only 34 weeks, they tell her baby will be delivered today as its dangerous for her to have dipping blood sugar levels. So she is gone by early afternoon.
At lunchtime DH and DD come which is lovely - its not visiting time for her so we go off the ward to the hospital restuarant for lunch. Paula doesnt want me to walk that far though so I have to go in the wheelchair......very amusing as the steering isnt the best and DH pushes me whilst DD charges ahead in front. We have a nice lunch and DD is on top form. We tehn go to the hospital shop and we buy her a balloon which she wacks everyone with on the way back to the ward. We go back in and I sneak her to the dayroom for a few mins while DH goes to my room to pick up up dirty stuff and drop off clean things. They proabably wont come tomorrow so I have a cuddle with her as wont see her wednesday - she will come in on thursday to see me and the baby.
Go backto my room and find a new roomie. She is very normal, chatty and here because of bleeding. At last a decent one. We chat for a bit but then I have a nap for a couple of hours.
When I wake up her hubby is just leaving so we end up chatting for the rest of the afternoon. She has had a tough time and I really feel for her. She spent 10 weeks here last year after her waters went at 22 weeks. So then she had her baby at 32 weeks but he died shortly after being born due to poor lung development. Breaks my heart to think of 10 weeks in here and then to go home without her baby at the end. She is very open about it and very level headed. I admire her strength. She is now 22 weeks again and her waters are fine but wont stop bleeding - low lying placenta like me. Understandably she cant stand it in here and wants to go but she cant because of the bleeding. She also has a child at home same age as DD so we talk about them.
We have a bit of drama about 9pm and she is doubled over in pain and says she is having a heavy bleed. She doesnt want to bother the midwives as they are having handover !! She wont ring her bell so I tell her to get on the bed and I go flying into the midwives office to get help. She is taken to labour ward in a wheelchair and I say my prayers for her and her baby.
I go to sleep at 10pm as am shattered and I hear some vague movement and chatting at about 11/12. Think she has come back. I get up for a wee at 3am and I see her in bed and she is awake. She tells me her baby is fine, no more pain. Thank goodness.
Go back to sleep...........
We dont have a good nights sleep in here. Posh bird is up most of the night monitoring blood sugar levels and and I get a bit of high blood pressure so am monitored hourly as I complain of chest pain. Turns out its just indigestion after all ( blame the chicken curry I had at lunchtime) but a bit of a worry and I feel like crap in the morning from lack of sleep. The doc comes round to speak to her and although she is only 34 weeks, they tell her baby will be delivered today as its dangerous for her to have dipping blood sugar levels. So she is gone by early afternoon.
At lunchtime DH and DD come which is lovely - its not visiting time for her so we go off the ward to the hospital restuarant for lunch. Paula doesnt want me to walk that far though so I have to go in the wheelchair......very amusing as the steering isnt the best and DH pushes me whilst DD charges ahead in front. We have a nice lunch and DD is on top form. We tehn go to the hospital shop and we buy her a balloon which she wacks everyone with on the way back to the ward. We go back in and I sneak her to the dayroom for a few mins while DH goes to my room to pick up up dirty stuff and drop off clean things. They proabably wont come tomorrow so I have a cuddle with her as wont see her wednesday - she will come in on thursday to see me and the baby.
Go backto my room and find a new roomie. She is very normal, chatty and here because of bleeding. At last a decent one. We chat for a bit but then I have a nap for a couple of hours.
When I wake up her hubby is just leaving so we end up chatting for the rest of the afternoon. She has had a tough time and I really feel for her. She spent 10 weeks here last year after her waters went at 22 weeks. So then she had her baby at 32 weeks but he died shortly after being born due to poor lung development. Breaks my heart to think of 10 weeks in here and then to go home without her baby at the end. She is very open about it and very level headed. I admire her strength. She is now 22 weeks again and her waters are fine but wont stop bleeding - low lying placenta like me. Understandably she cant stand it in here and wants to go but she cant because of the bleeding. She also has a child at home same age as DD so we talk about them.
We have a bit of drama about 9pm and she is doubled over in pain and says she is having a heavy bleed. She doesnt want to bother the midwives as they are having handover !! She wont ring her bell so I tell her to get on the bed and I go flying into the midwives office to get help. She is taken to labour ward in a wheelchair and I say my prayers for her and her baby.
I go to sleep at 10pm as am shattered and I hear some vague movement and chatting at about 11/12. Think she has come back. I get up for a wee at 3am and I see her in bed and she is awake. She tells me her baby is fine, no more pain. Thank goodness.
Go back to sleep...........
Monday, 20 December 2010
Sunday.....yawn.
Sundays are boring around here. Dont know why they are more boring than other days, they just are.
Crap nights sleep, I wake up lots in the night. Posh Bird also wakes up a few times - we have little chats here and there but not much but thanks to the curtain room divider and my flapping ears I work out she is here becuase she is diabetic and keeps having hypos made worse by her pregnancy. She was in HDU - high dependancy unit for 4 days until Thursday and then got readmitted saturday night. That must be scary. She is 34 weeks.No wonder she is huffing and puffing.
My BP is sort of steady but has the odd moment. Dont have a shower until after lunch - montitoring is late today cos the ward is very busy again. No visitors today cos of the snow. I get a few phone calls though which helps pass the time. I think I am at my boredom threshold, have had enough of playing this game and I want to go home now.
Feel a bit woe is me, but I just have to dig deep and get through the next few days. I eat my tea - corned beef sandwich, spicy wedges, soup and salad. The last freddo frog bites the dust.
Havent seen DD since Friday but hopefully if the roads are okay then DH will bring her in tomorrow (Monday) Bloody snow - if I see once more weather report think I might have to scream AAAAAGGGGHHHHHHH.
Get my PJs on and watch the Apprentice - love it. Well done Stella. I could do with a swig of Urban, or Prism for that matter.
Tomorrows another day and then its only 2 more sleeps. YIPPEEEEEEEEE........
Crap nights sleep, I wake up lots in the night. Posh Bird also wakes up a few times - we have little chats here and there but not much but thanks to the curtain room divider and my flapping ears I work out she is here becuase she is diabetic and keeps having hypos made worse by her pregnancy. She was in HDU - high dependancy unit for 4 days until Thursday and then got readmitted saturday night. That must be scary. She is 34 weeks.No wonder she is huffing and puffing.
My BP is sort of steady but has the odd moment. Dont have a shower until after lunch - montitoring is late today cos the ward is very busy again. No visitors today cos of the snow. I get a few phone calls though which helps pass the time. I think I am at my boredom threshold, have had enough of playing this game and I want to go home now.
Feel a bit woe is me, but I just have to dig deep and get through the next few days. I eat my tea - corned beef sandwich, spicy wedges, soup and salad. The last freddo frog bites the dust.
Havent seen DD since Friday but hopefully if the roads are okay then DH will bring her in tomorrow (Monday) Bloody snow - if I see once more weather report think I might have to scream AAAAAGGGGHHHHHHH.
Get my PJs on and watch the Apprentice - love it. Well done Stella. I could do with a swig of Urban, or Prism for that matter.
Tomorrows another day and then its only 2 more sleeps. YIPPEEEEEEEEE........
Sunday, 19 December 2010
Saturday 18th Dec....wot no X Factor?
Yesterday woke up at the crack of dawn but I think I wrote that already.
Had all the usual obs done. Baby is still jumping around like a crazy thing inside me so thats good. He is in complete oblivion to the trouble he is causing no doubt. Just hope its not too much of a shock for him when he is whipped out of me on Wednesday.
Slightly upsetting news today when a doc came round to see if I was all ready and just dropped into the conversation the fact that I will be having a general anaesetic. What? I thought it would be a spinal block. A spinal means that I am awake throughout with DH at my side and you get to see the baby the moment it comes out. This is what happened when DD was born. But with a general, DH is waiting outside and I am obviously out of it - the baby is checked over, weighed and given to DH. Its a combination of drugs they give me and I would be awake within 10-15 mins with baby put right at my side, ready for skin to skin and feeding. Apparently the GA is much better than in the past and shouldnt leave me groggy too much. But even so, not what I was expecting at all. Luckily a midwife is with me at the time but the doc hanging about twittering on and I just want her to go so I can digest it. I feel myself welling up and biting my lip but no, I cannot help the tears.
My safety is priority once baby is whipped out and if I have a heavy bleed, vital mins could be wasted while they give me a GA so I understand the logic. The op is consultant led with more people than usual in theatre becuase the placenta is where they need to cut. So I have to go with it and the doc says when they are prepared they can control it all which when I think about it more makes sense. And actually how frightening for me and DH to witness these problems first hand in theatre and be left with bad memories rather than good ones. So there you go.
Anyway on a more upbeat note......DH visits this afternoon. Its snowing outside so we cancel date night so he can get home in the light and he comes in the day instead. Its actually stopped snowing here by the time he gets here and nothing much was coming down n the village when he left.
He comes complete with full hedge trimming tools and cream and we get down to business in one of the bathrooms. Not our most romantic moment but very very funny. I am now ready for wednesday virtually fuzz free. As I type I still havent dared get my pocket mirror out for a look, probably for the best. When we come out of the bathroom we are laughing and he says "well thats you sorted out down there, Love" just as a girl comes out of the bedroom opposite. Her face was a picture - love it.
He stays for a while - tell him about the GA this but in his normal grounded way he is not fazed and says we must go with what they say.
He has bought the baby bag with him too - its getting close now. Then my mum rings who is at our house looking after DD - wanting to know if he is on his way back yet? When I say no she says OMG - tell him to leave now. The snow is bucketing down and 4 inches already in an hour. Mike had rung to say he was stuck at the bottom of a hill coming from work and 4x4 cars were struggling in the lanes. There is no easy way into our village - its slidy lanes all the way. So he goes and thankfully half an hour later he is home and rings me. Within 5 mins of leaving here without a flake he drives straight into a blizzard - he just about got up the worst hill but said was skidding all over the place and it was pretty hairy (but fun) he said. The village is in total whiteout. Mike has also just got back too.
It has got quite cold on the ward and the midwifes are checking temps in rooms and the radiators dont seem to be working very well so a portable one is brought to my room.
A new roomie arrives about 6pm. She looks quite normal, obviously not happy to be in here but okay. Not remotely chavvy - looks rather elegant actually so I call her posh bird. By bedtime though I have renamed her huffing puffing posh bird cos thats all she does. I suggest she pulls the curtain for privacy if she would like to - most people do this at first, I would too but she declines but then doesnt speak either. Its a bit strained so I pull the curtain as I have to get my pjs on anyway. She gets into a strappy nightdress and gets into bed. Now I know know how cold it can be at night in here. I have 5 blankets on my bed plus my red wool blanket from home. I also wear long pjs and nightshirt over the top - not attractive but warm. I know she is onto a loser for a warm nights sleep there.........
I watch the strictly final whilst reading the paper in bed - its not x factor but hey ho. Struggle to keep my eyes open beyond 10, have my jab and go to sleep.
3 more sleeps after this one.......
Had all the usual obs done. Baby is still jumping around like a crazy thing inside me so thats good. He is in complete oblivion to the trouble he is causing no doubt. Just hope its not too much of a shock for him when he is whipped out of me on Wednesday.
Slightly upsetting news today when a doc came round to see if I was all ready and just dropped into the conversation the fact that I will be having a general anaesetic. What? I thought it would be a spinal block. A spinal means that I am awake throughout with DH at my side and you get to see the baby the moment it comes out. This is what happened when DD was born. But with a general, DH is waiting outside and I am obviously out of it - the baby is checked over, weighed and given to DH. Its a combination of drugs they give me and I would be awake within 10-15 mins with baby put right at my side, ready for skin to skin and feeding. Apparently the GA is much better than in the past and shouldnt leave me groggy too much. But even so, not what I was expecting at all. Luckily a midwife is with me at the time but the doc hanging about twittering on and I just want her to go so I can digest it. I feel myself welling up and biting my lip but no, I cannot help the tears.
My safety is priority once baby is whipped out and if I have a heavy bleed, vital mins could be wasted while they give me a GA so I understand the logic. The op is consultant led with more people than usual in theatre becuase the placenta is where they need to cut. So I have to go with it and the doc says when they are prepared they can control it all which when I think about it more makes sense. And actually how frightening for me and DH to witness these problems first hand in theatre and be left with bad memories rather than good ones. So there you go.
Anyway on a more upbeat note......DH visits this afternoon. Its snowing outside so we cancel date night so he can get home in the light and he comes in the day instead. Its actually stopped snowing here by the time he gets here and nothing much was coming down n the village when he left.
He comes complete with full hedge trimming tools and cream and we get down to business in one of the bathrooms. Not our most romantic moment but very very funny. I am now ready for wednesday virtually fuzz free. As I type I still havent dared get my pocket mirror out for a look, probably for the best. When we come out of the bathroom we are laughing and he says "well thats you sorted out down there, Love" just as a girl comes out of the bedroom opposite. Her face was a picture - love it.
He stays for a while - tell him about the GA this but in his normal grounded way he is not fazed and says we must go with what they say.
He has bought the baby bag with him too - its getting close now. Then my mum rings who is at our house looking after DD - wanting to know if he is on his way back yet? When I say no she says OMG - tell him to leave now. The snow is bucketing down and 4 inches already in an hour. Mike had rung to say he was stuck at the bottom of a hill coming from work and 4x4 cars were struggling in the lanes. There is no easy way into our village - its slidy lanes all the way. So he goes and thankfully half an hour later he is home and rings me. Within 5 mins of leaving here without a flake he drives straight into a blizzard - he just about got up the worst hill but said was skidding all over the place and it was pretty hairy (but fun) he said. The village is in total whiteout. Mike has also just got back too.
It has got quite cold on the ward and the midwifes are checking temps in rooms and the radiators dont seem to be working very well so a portable one is brought to my room.
A new roomie arrives about 6pm. She looks quite normal, obviously not happy to be in here but okay. Not remotely chavvy - looks rather elegant actually so I call her posh bird. By bedtime though I have renamed her huffing puffing posh bird cos thats all she does. I suggest she pulls the curtain for privacy if she would like to - most people do this at first, I would too but she declines but then doesnt speak either. Its a bit strained so I pull the curtain as I have to get my pjs on anyway. She gets into a strappy nightdress and gets into bed. Now I know know how cold it can be at night in here. I have 5 blankets on my bed plus my red wool blanket from home. I also wear long pjs and nightshirt over the top - not attractive but warm. I know she is onto a loser for a warm nights sleep there.........
I watch the strictly final whilst reading the paper in bed - its not x factor but hey ho. Struggle to keep my eyes open beyond 10, have my jab and go to sleep.
3 more sleeps after this one.......
Saturday, 18 December 2010
On the home straight...........
As I type this its Saturday am and for some reason have been awake since 5am. its my 5th weekend in hospital and hopefully my last. A week today its Christmas Day. 4 more days until baby is born and I am praying for a straight forward C-Section to get him out and that we are both well enough to go home on Christmas Eve. I have already prepared myself for the fact that I may not get out on Christmas Eve though and may still be here a day or 2 afterwards. This will be hard but better to be fit and well than go home too soon. DH will have to do the ritual of carrot, mince pie and sherry for DD and have presents etc. Mum is doing the xmas dinner so they will have to eat together and then they will join me here in the afternoon.
Send me your positive thoughts and love because I really will need them if that is the case.
Anyway, less of the what ifs, Whatever happens we will cope. I wont be on my own - I will have my son with me and some of my favourite staff are here xmas day.
Yesterday morning my nice room-mate has a raging headache and throws up before breakfast. Her BP is through the roof and I know whats coming - induction. The doc comes round and says - I think we will induce you. See, I am getting good at this diagnosis lark. She is not taken to labour ward til the afternoon though as apparently they have a rush on.
I trot off to the eye clinic and my eyes are behaving themselves for now. More black humour between me and the consultant.......and the junior in the room observing looks quite perplexed, talk of pelvic floors, bleeding and baby stuff probably doesnt come up in the normal eye consultations she observes. People are wierd - before I go in, I sit in the waiting room and this old dear just stares at me - I am dressed obviously but in slippers and with bandaged ventlon sticking out of arm and hospital name tag. I stare back but she wins. I want to say "want a photo, love? I dont though and actually as I now type this, I am thinking praps she couldnt actually see me that well - It is an eye clinic after all.
See the ward manager today - aka favourite midwife. We have a chat for a bit - she says my bump is massive, bigger than a few days ago when she saw me. I ask her about shaving down below........I have no shame in here so fast forward if you are of sensitive nature. I havent seen my lady bits in a while as I have a huge bump in the way. But for the op, obviously need to be free of foliage other wise he will spend the first 5 mins with a hedge trimmer. Paula says they are happy to shave me before hand but that that is a step too far. I will have to rope in the services of DH. I tell him to bring in the bikini line hair remover from home. Date night will be interesting as its the only time he is here without DD. So - chinese takeaway followed by lady gardening - cant wait !
Lovely visit with him, DD and mum. She is over the bug and is back to herself and its a good visit. The floor fitters came today and I see pics of the gorgeous new bathroom floor - black with silver glitter- love it.
BP has come down thanks to the pills - get in bed, nothing on TV really but do watch a bit of Graham Norton before sleep - v funny.
Another day done.
Send me your positive thoughts and love because I really will need them if that is the case.
Anyway, less of the what ifs, Whatever happens we will cope. I wont be on my own - I will have my son with me and some of my favourite staff are here xmas day.
Yesterday morning my nice room-mate has a raging headache and throws up before breakfast. Her BP is through the roof and I know whats coming - induction. The doc comes round and says - I think we will induce you. See, I am getting good at this diagnosis lark. She is not taken to labour ward til the afternoon though as apparently they have a rush on.
I trot off to the eye clinic and my eyes are behaving themselves for now. More black humour between me and the consultant.......and the junior in the room observing looks quite perplexed, talk of pelvic floors, bleeding and baby stuff probably doesnt come up in the normal eye consultations she observes. People are wierd - before I go in, I sit in the waiting room and this old dear just stares at me - I am dressed obviously but in slippers and with bandaged ventlon sticking out of arm and hospital name tag. I stare back but she wins. I want to say "want a photo, love? I dont though and actually as I now type this, I am thinking praps she couldnt actually see me that well - It is an eye clinic after all.
See the ward manager today - aka favourite midwife. We have a chat for a bit - she says my bump is massive, bigger than a few days ago when she saw me. I ask her about shaving down below........I have no shame in here so fast forward if you are of sensitive nature. I havent seen my lady bits in a while as I have a huge bump in the way. But for the op, obviously need to be free of foliage other wise he will spend the first 5 mins with a hedge trimmer. Paula says they are happy to shave me before hand but that that is a step too far. I will have to rope in the services of DH. I tell him to bring in the bikini line hair remover from home. Date night will be interesting as its the only time he is here without DD. So - chinese takeaway followed by lady gardening - cant wait !
Lovely visit with him, DD and mum. She is over the bug and is back to herself and its a good visit. The floor fitters came today and I see pics of the gorgeous new bathroom floor - black with silver glitter- love it.
BP has come down thanks to the pills - get in bed, nothing on TV really but do watch a bit of Graham Norton before sleep - v funny.
Another day done.
Friday, 17 December 2010
Thursday 16th Dec.....
In the early hours I get up for a wee and happen to glance at my phone on the side. There are 2 text messages from DH saying that DD is up with some kind of stomach bug. My heart sinks at the thought of her being sick without me to look after her. DH is okay but obviously on his own looking after her and washing vomit covered sheets etc. We exhange a few texts during the night. its a low point for me. Luckily by late morning she is feeling better - DH goes to work as its his last day before taking a month off on hols/paternity leave and has a few things to get finished and mum comes round to look afer her. Schools out for her now til after xmas as they wont let her back within 48 hours of sickness. Feel better myself by lunchtime as I get a text from mum saying she has eaten soup. Phew.
The dreaded ventflon in put in again today. Thankfully a nice doc who appears to know his stuff but even so all the veins in my hands are pretty much knackered, this one goes in my forearm. Ouch. It bruises within minutes and I keep catching it as its on the underside of my arm.
I got a new room-mate yesterday. She seems okay at first but she is happy to keep herself to herself which is fine. Her other half is a tad irritating though. He is a chav through and through - head to foot in finest adidas but worse he has a really bad cold and he is either coughing or snorting snot into the back of his throat. This is one of my pet hates. GET A BLOODY TISSUE AND BLOW YOUR NOSE I wanted to shout after several hours of his snorting. After the usual moaning to go home every hour she is let out about 6ish. Phew. My friend B is visiting at the time and she has been reading the blog so knows how I feel about roomies and when we hear the doc saying she can go home me & B silently shout YES behind the curtains......
My registrar comes by to say that as my BP has been up and down for the last couple of days but today has been high, they are starting me on a low dose of medication to keep it at a safe level. Oh well, might as well get the full range of medical services while I am here.
Mind you only 2 hours passes by before the next one is shipped in. This girl is very nice and we chat a lot before bedtime. She has pre eclampsia and is monitored every 4 hours. Dont think she will be here long though as she is 39 weeks so I bet she will be induced in the morning. Nice to have a normal person who actually likes a chat.
Speak to my DD before she goes to bed and seems much chirpier. DH has the bathroom floor fitters in tomorrow am so is working late in the bathroom to get things done - putting the towel radiator back on the wall etc etc. He sits down about 9.30pm.
I watch a bit of TV before lights out at 11pm........
The dreaded ventflon in put in again today. Thankfully a nice doc who appears to know his stuff but even so all the veins in my hands are pretty much knackered, this one goes in my forearm. Ouch. It bruises within minutes and I keep catching it as its on the underside of my arm.
I got a new room-mate yesterday. She seems okay at first but she is happy to keep herself to herself which is fine. Her other half is a tad irritating though. He is a chav through and through - head to foot in finest adidas but worse he has a really bad cold and he is either coughing or snorting snot into the back of his throat. This is one of my pet hates. GET A BLOODY TISSUE AND BLOW YOUR NOSE I wanted to shout after several hours of his snorting. After the usual moaning to go home every hour she is let out about 6ish. Phew. My friend B is visiting at the time and she has been reading the blog so knows how I feel about roomies and when we hear the doc saying she can go home me & B silently shout YES behind the curtains......
My registrar comes by to say that as my BP has been up and down for the last couple of days but today has been high, they are starting me on a low dose of medication to keep it at a safe level. Oh well, might as well get the full range of medical services while I am here.
Mind you only 2 hours passes by before the next one is shipped in. This girl is very nice and we chat a lot before bedtime. She has pre eclampsia and is monitored every 4 hours. Dont think she will be here long though as she is 39 weeks so I bet she will be induced in the morning. Nice to have a normal person who actually likes a chat.
Speak to my DD before she goes to bed and seems much chirpier. DH has the bathroom floor fitters in tomorrow am so is working late in the bathroom to get things done - putting the towel radiator back on the wall etc etc. He sits down about 9.30pm.
I watch a bit of TV before lights out at 11pm........
Thursday, 16 December 2010
Wed 15th.......
Well at least I have some important stuff out of the way now. DDs birthday has come and gone, Nativity play is done and I have survived.
The ward suddenly gets busy again and more people have come and gone. I am the only lifer here for now, have seen a couple of faces in one of the other 4 bedders that have been here a few days but I dont attempt to go in and strike up conversation - sorry for being a total snob but they look like chavvy unwashed types and stink of fags when I pass them. They need licences to breed if you ask me. Do they not know there are free showers here?
My blood pressure is a bit up and down so am being monitored more but they dont seem too worried at the moment - probably hormonal they say cos there is no protein in wee which means possible pre-eclampsia.
Yesterdays blog post takes me ages so I eat my lunch in my pjs and then have a shower after. Getting bored of showering wearing one plastic glove to cover up the ventflon in my hand and wearing the skanky shower flip flops. I am gonna burn them when I get out of here. I have 4 classy footwear items with me - the shower flip flops, slippers (also to be burnt when I leave ) Hot pink birkenstocks mules which look cool in the summer with tanned legs but not so hot with navy blue surgical stocking (think German holiday maker) and finally outdoor shoes which rarely get used for obvious reason - just some ballerina type flats.
My "wardrobe" is a large holdall kept under the sink which has all my day wear, underwear etc in and DH refills it with clean stuff and takes away dirty stuff from my laundry basket - otherwise know as a brown shopper bag next to the holdall. I am collecting an impressive number of books which have been given to me but I will probably not read as I am still only halfway through the Alan Sugar. Brain age peaked at 24 but now has gone up to a very poor 45 - the word memory one is a killer.
DH, DD and my mum come in the evening but DD is feisty and tired, its been a busy week for her. She livens up towards the end of the visit as there is a christmas musical box of some kind by the ward tree and she finds the volume control, turns it up full wack and twirls around like a drug crazed ballerina dancing out of control. They go home a bit early but then I get some more visitors which is lovely - DHs aunty, cousin and her daughter. We sit in the day room cos its a max of 2 adults per visit but they dont leave untilhalf hour after visiting time and its a lovely catch up. We swap Christmas pressies and look forward to seeing each other after xmas.
I watch the Apprentice semi final and its laugh out loud stuff - the interview stage. Baggs the brand finally gets his marching orders - Lord Sugar tells him he is full of shit and fires him. I could have told him that weeks ago!
The usual clexane jab and ventflon flush. Except the thing wont flush which means its is now useless and that means tomorrow I have to have a new one........great. Lets hope the vein butcher aint on duty. I would rather do it myself with a rusty knitting needle and a splash of white spirits.
The ward suddenly gets busy again and more people have come and gone. I am the only lifer here for now, have seen a couple of faces in one of the other 4 bedders that have been here a few days but I dont attempt to go in and strike up conversation - sorry for being a total snob but they look like chavvy unwashed types and stink of fags when I pass them. They need licences to breed if you ask me. Do they not know there are free showers here?
My blood pressure is a bit up and down so am being monitored more but they dont seem too worried at the moment - probably hormonal they say cos there is no protein in wee which means possible pre-eclampsia.
Yesterdays blog post takes me ages so I eat my lunch in my pjs and then have a shower after. Getting bored of showering wearing one plastic glove to cover up the ventflon in my hand and wearing the skanky shower flip flops. I am gonna burn them when I get out of here. I have 4 classy footwear items with me - the shower flip flops, slippers (also to be burnt when I leave ) Hot pink birkenstocks mules which look cool in the summer with tanned legs but not so hot with navy blue surgical stocking (think German holiday maker) and finally outdoor shoes which rarely get used for obvious reason - just some ballerina type flats.
My "wardrobe" is a large holdall kept under the sink which has all my day wear, underwear etc in and DH refills it with clean stuff and takes away dirty stuff from my laundry basket - otherwise know as a brown shopper bag next to the holdall. I am collecting an impressive number of books which have been given to me but I will probably not read as I am still only halfway through the Alan Sugar. Brain age peaked at 24 but now has gone up to a very poor 45 - the word memory one is a killer.
DH, DD and my mum come in the evening but DD is feisty and tired, its been a busy week for her. She livens up towards the end of the visit as there is a christmas musical box of some kind by the ward tree and she finds the volume control, turns it up full wack and twirls around like a drug crazed ballerina dancing out of control. They go home a bit early but then I get some more visitors which is lovely - DHs aunty, cousin and her daughter. We sit in the day room cos its a max of 2 adults per visit but they dont leave untilhalf hour after visiting time and its a lovely catch up. We swap Christmas pressies and look forward to seeing each other after xmas.
I watch the Apprentice semi final and its laugh out loud stuff - the interview stage. Baggs the brand finally gets his marching orders - Lord Sugar tells him he is full of shit and fires him. I could have told him that weeks ago!
The usual clexane jab and ventflon flush. Except the thing wont flush which means its is now useless and that means tomorrow I have to have a new one........great. Lets hope the vein butcher aint on duty. I would rather do it myself with a rusty knitting needle and a splash of white spirits.
Wednesday, 15 December 2010
Stepping back on the rollercoaster....
Bit more history for you here.............
After having DD we had one Frostie left in the freezer at the fertility clinic. This is industry lingo for frozen embryo. The odds areent great with just one but we felt that we must give it a try - everytime I drove anywhere near the clinic I would always think that it was DDs sis or bro "in the freezer". I had a strong urge for another child - DH wasnt bothered - he felt that we had everything we needed - nice little family.
We did the transfer early 2008 - much less hassle this time, no injections to do or egg collection etc -just a few hormones and a bit of monitoring and a bargain at approx £1000. Then the 2week wait. Anyway it didnt work for us so that was the end of the road really. Spending 4-5k on a fresh cycle of IVF is bad enough when you dont have a child but when you already have a little family - spending that kind of money with no guarantees is something else altogether. We love our holidays and imagine where we could go with that kind of money. But then you think - how priceless is a new baby? Over the course of 2008/2009 I learnt to live with the fact that she would be the only one. DH was sure he was happy to leave it, we didnt have any savings left anyway and I was not gonna rock the boat of the very comfortable life/happy marriage etc that we are lucky to have.
My maternal longing never really went away but sometimes in life you have to accept and be thankful for what you do have rather than what you dont. Especially since the crappy year of 2004 and the counselling that came with it - My way of thinking had been re-trained by the great counseller that I had - to ditch negative thoughts as quickly as they enter your head, to send loving thoughts out to those that are aggressive or that you feel resentment for and live in the now rather than fret about whats around the corner. I know this sounds a bit fluffy and way out for most people but it works for me. If everyone sent a few positive thoughts out to people or situations that were irritating rather than negative ones we would all be feeling happier I know. I will leave it there for fear of brainwashing you with my thoughts except for one little example that happened a couple of months back.......
I was driving home from the dentist and it was a foggy day. I was coming down the country lanes back into the village and for the last couple of miles a car was following me quite closely up my behind but I didnt give it much thought until I pulled up outside a shop in the village and this car pulls up in the road next to me with a couple in their fifties shouting at me to open my window. Eh? So I open the window and the bloke and his wife start ranting about how I was dangerous without my fog lights on and didnt I know that a silver car in the fog is invisible, blah blah blah. They have obviously been working each other up following me ready to rave at me. Now I am no angel and like a good swear myself but never at the expense of someones feelings. The old pre-2004 me would probably have stuck my fingers up at them and said piss off you tossers before letting the situation eat me up for a few hours after driving away. The new me apologises and sends a bit of love to the angry couple (obviously just in my head - not by blowing kisses , that would just piss them off). The bloke is a bit stunned but still tells me I am a shit driver and once again I apologise but point out there really is no need to swear at me. Now you can guarantee this 5 minute incident would have been their topic of conversation in their house for the rest of the day, you could just tell. But for me, I sent them a few positive thoughts, let go of it and was forgotton as soon as I got in the house.
Resentment does no-one any favours in the long term.
anyway where was i?
Oh yes. October 2009 and we get some good news that DHs endowment policy from his old house bought in the eighties is worth more than we thought so decide to cash it in. That house is long gone so its bonus money really. We talk of a fab holiday for next year, getting new double glazing etc etc. One morning DH steps out of the shower and says "hey we could always use that money for a couple of goes at IVF" - it comes out of his mouth as casually as if he is asking me what I want for breakfast. Oh my God, my head is spinning with it. I thought he didnt want to, I had almost put the thought to bed. Anyway after many conversations and soul searching we do go for it and start the process again by booking an appt at the clinic, getting all the blood tests done etc.
You cant ever predict the exact timings of starting a cycle becuase it depends on where you are at with your menstrual cycle, but I have 6 weeks off work planned in Feb/March 2010 thanks to a fully paid sabbatical by my generous employers. We have already planned a once in a lifetime trip to Antigua during that 6 weeks and there is no way we are giving that up so the rough plan is to start the drugs about 3/4 days after we get back if my period comes as predicted. That should also allow me enough time to get back to work without too much disruption. That all goes tits up when for some reason my period comes earlier in Jan and Feb than expected which means I would have to start hormone injections 4 days before we are due to fly home. But its either that or delay it another month which we just do not want to do. So I get the drugs ordered and a letter from the clinic to clear customs with the needles and drugs and off we go.
In hindsight it was perfect timing, we were both busy with work, life, stressing about the IVF again, would it be a waste of money etc. And then the 3 of us step off that plane into the caribbean and we chilled big time. It is perfect. DD loves it, the people and beaches are amazing. Me and DH get pleasantly fluffy on the all inc rum punch, I have spa treatments, we snorkel and go to deserted islands on boat trips. By the time it was the first injection day I was virtually horizontal. I popped back to the suite, did the jab then went to the bar and ordered a marguerita. In 2004 we were so anxious life centred around that daily injection.
The cycle went smoothly and on 23rd April a bit of me and a bit of DH were put together by by a special doctor and on the 26th April two little embryos were put back and I entered into my 5th 2week wait. Given that we had 3 goes for it to work last time and I was now 39 we werent necessarily expecting a miracle this time. But about 9 days into the 2ww I was feeling sick, light headed and and could smell a bin from 10 miles away. By the time test day came around we just knew. TWO lines on the test appeared. We were so so lucky.
We had the early scan done on 1st June which showed one little heartbeat flickering away, and our 20 week scan showed we were having this much wanted little boy.
I wont believe it til I am holding him in my arms but that day is almost here now and I just cannot wait for this journey to be over and to go home safely with our new little one.
Thanks for reading x
After having DD we had one Frostie left in the freezer at the fertility clinic. This is industry lingo for frozen embryo. The odds areent great with just one but we felt that we must give it a try - everytime I drove anywhere near the clinic I would always think that it was DDs sis or bro "in the freezer". I had a strong urge for another child - DH wasnt bothered - he felt that we had everything we needed - nice little family.
We did the transfer early 2008 - much less hassle this time, no injections to do or egg collection etc -just a few hormones and a bit of monitoring and a bargain at approx £1000. Then the 2week wait. Anyway it didnt work for us so that was the end of the road really. Spending 4-5k on a fresh cycle of IVF is bad enough when you dont have a child but when you already have a little family - spending that kind of money with no guarantees is something else altogether. We love our holidays and imagine where we could go with that kind of money. But then you think - how priceless is a new baby? Over the course of 2008/2009 I learnt to live with the fact that she would be the only one. DH was sure he was happy to leave it, we didnt have any savings left anyway and I was not gonna rock the boat of the very comfortable life/happy marriage etc that we are lucky to have.
My maternal longing never really went away but sometimes in life you have to accept and be thankful for what you do have rather than what you dont. Especially since the crappy year of 2004 and the counselling that came with it - My way of thinking had been re-trained by the great counseller that I had - to ditch negative thoughts as quickly as they enter your head, to send loving thoughts out to those that are aggressive or that you feel resentment for and live in the now rather than fret about whats around the corner. I know this sounds a bit fluffy and way out for most people but it works for me. If everyone sent a few positive thoughts out to people or situations that were irritating rather than negative ones we would all be feeling happier I know. I will leave it there for fear of brainwashing you with my thoughts except for one little example that happened a couple of months back.......
I was driving home from the dentist and it was a foggy day. I was coming down the country lanes back into the village and for the last couple of miles a car was following me quite closely up my behind but I didnt give it much thought until I pulled up outside a shop in the village and this car pulls up in the road next to me with a couple in their fifties shouting at me to open my window. Eh? So I open the window and the bloke and his wife start ranting about how I was dangerous without my fog lights on and didnt I know that a silver car in the fog is invisible, blah blah blah. They have obviously been working each other up following me ready to rave at me. Now I am no angel and like a good swear myself but never at the expense of someones feelings. The old pre-2004 me would probably have stuck my fingers up at them and said piss off you tossers before letting the situation eat me up for a few hours after driving away. The new me apologises and sends a bit of love to the angry couple (obviously just in my head - not by blowing kisses , that would just piss them off). The bloke is a bit stunned but still tells me I am a shit driver and once again I apologise but point out there really is no need to swear at me. Now you can guarantee this 5 minute incident would have been their topic of conversation in their house for the rest of the day, you could just tell. But for me, I sent them a few positive thoughts, let go of it and was forgotton as soon as I got in the house.
Resentment does no-one any favours in the long term.
anyway where was i?
Oh yes. October 2009 and we get some good news that DHs endowment policy from his old house bought in the eighties is worth more than we thought so decide to cash it in. That house is long gone so its bonus money really. We talk of a fab holiday for next year, getting new double glazing etc etc. One morning DH steps out of the shower and says "hey we could always use that money for a couple of goes at IVF" - it comes out of his mouth as casually as if he is asking me what I want for breakfast. Oh my God, my head is spinning with it. I thought he didnt want to, I had almost put the thought to bed. Anyway after many conversations and soul searching we do go for it and start the process again by booking an appt at the clinic, getting all the blood tests done etc.
You cant ever predict the exact timings of starting a cycle becuase it depends on where you are at with your menstrual cycle, but I have 6 weeks off work planned in Feb/March 2010 thanks to a fully paid sabbatical by my generous employers. We have already planned a once in a lifetime trip to Antigua during that 6 weeks and there is no way we are giving that up so the rough plan is to start the drugs about 3/4 days after we get back if my period comes as predicted. That should also allow me enough time to get back to work without too much disruption. That all goes tits up when for some reason my period comes earlier in Jan and Feb than expected which means I would have to start hormone injections 4 days before we are due to fly home. But its either that or delay it another month which we just do not want to do. So I get the drugs ordered and a letter from the clinic to clear customs with the needles and drugs and off we go.
In hindsight it was perfect timing, we were both busy with work, life, stressing about the IVF again, would it be a waste of money etc. And then the 3 of us step off that plane into the caribbean and we chilled big time. It is perfect. DD loves it, the people and beaches are amazing. Me and DH get pleasantly fluffy on the all inc rum punch, I have spa treatments, we snorkel and go to deserted islands on boat trips. By the time it was the first injection day I was virtually horizontal. I popped back to the suite, did the jab then went to the bar and ordered a marguerita. In 2004 we were so anxious life centred around that daily injection.
The cycle went smoothly and on 23rd April a bit of me and a bit of DH were put together by by a special doctor and on the 26th April two little embryos were put back and I entered into my 5th 2week wait. Given that we had 3 goes for it to work last time and I was now 39 we werent necessarily expecting a miracle this time. But about 9 days into the 2ww I was feeling sick, light headed and and could smell a bin from 10 miles away. By the time test day came around we just knew. TWO lines on the test appeared. We were so so lucky.
We had the early scan done on 1st June which showed one little heartbeat flickering away, and our 20 week scan showed we were having this much wanted little boy.
I wont believe it til I am holding him in my arms but that day is almost here now and I just cannot wait for this journey to be over and to go home safely with our new little one.
Thanks for reading x
Tues 14th Dec - little girls birthday.
How wierd that I wake up in the early hours - just 5 mins before my DD was born at 2.55am 5 years ago today. And only a few metres away from where she was born too. I feel okay really, Read a bit of Alan Sugar, eat a few rich tea biscs and off I go back to the land of nod.
The blood woman comes and takes another sample for iron levels and cross matching.
DH textx me a pic of her opening her pressie - Barbies beach house and the massive smile on her face (plus the sight of my lounge in the background) make me have a few tears wishing I was there but it didnt last long.
Blood woman comes back just to check my personal details on the sample are right before sending to the lab whilst I am having a cry so I look like a bit of a fool. She was lovely but didnt know what to say - she just "does blood, not tears"
Breakfast Wendy is on her holidays this week so another girl does it - she is sweet but she doesnt do mug washing so I burn a few calories going to and from kitchen washing it up. This makes me sound like a right lazy so and so but there really is not much opportunity for exercise in here. We could do with Mr Motivator or Mad Lizzie ( if you are under 30 you will not know what I am talking about here) in doing a morning workout.
I am a slob today and dont have my shower until after lunch. I am letting myself go.........no the main reason is that I dont go on the baby ecg until late morning so I end up stuck on the bed in my pjs wired up to the monitor and eat my lunch from a tray over the bed like a proper sick person. Baby is obviously very excited at the prospect of fishcakes, mash and green beans and goes wild leaping around - looks like the scene in Alien just before that thing bursts out of Sigourney Weavers belly. Now that would be worth using my emergency buzzer for. Blood and gunk dripping down the walls mixed with fishcake and nhs banana mousse.
Talking of food, I have now completed the full 3 week cycle of menus and tomorrow start again with week 1. Think i must have pretty much everything on offer by now. I order tomorrows lunch - turkey roast dinner, might as well get into the festive spirit even if there is no wine on offer. I have not had a drop of alcohol since middle of april and have to say am looking forward to a glass of something sparkly in the not too distant future.........my liver has been very pleased with my period of abstinence I am sure.
Feel very excited as visiting time gets closer and get all the pressies I have been hiding out all over the bed. DD and DH arrive and she is very excited ripping off paper. We have a mini cake that mum has sent and she is covered in chocolate icing , wearing a necklace as a headband and taking photos of everything with her new camera. Such a funny sight - the staff are quite taken with her. DH later uploads her photos to facebook so I can see and they are very poor - she has a lot to learn yet - we have a close up of a blood pressure monitor, staff notice board and some christmas tree baubles. And a cute one of her face when she is using it back to front. Not the birthday I would have chosen for her but
i dont think she was in the least bit affected by it.
Have a quiet night in and go to sleep about 10.........
The blood woman comes and takes another sample for iron levels and cross matching.
DH textx me a pic of her opening her pressie - Barbies beach house and the massive smile on her face (plus the sight of my lounge in the background) make me have a few tears wishing I was there but it didnt last long.
Blood woman comes back just to check my personal details on the sample are right before sending to the lab whilst I am having a cry so I look like a bit of a fool. She was lovely but didnt know what to say - she just "does blood, not tears"
Breakfast Wendy is on her holidays this week so another girl does it - she is sweet but she doesnt do mug washing so I burn a few calories going to and from kitchen washing it up. This makes me sound like a right lazy so and so but there really is not much opportunity for exercise in here. We could do with Mr Motivator or Mad Lizzie ( if you are under 30 you will not know what I am talking about here) in doing a morning workout.
I am a slob today and dont have my shower until after lunch. I am letting myself go.........no the main reason is that I dont go on the baby ecg until late morning so I end up stuck on the bed in my pjs wired up to the monitor and eat my lunch from a tray over the bed like a proper sick person. Baby is obviously very excited at the prospect of fishcakes, mash and green beans and goes wild leaping around - looks like the scene in Alien just before that thing bursts out of Sigourney Weavers belly. Now that would be worth using my emergency buzzer for. Blood and gunk dripping down the walls mixed with fishcake and nhs banana mousse.
Talking of food, I have now completed the full 3 week cycle of menus and tomorrow start again with week 1. Think i must have pretty much everything on offer by now. I order tomorrows lunch - turkey roast dinner, might as well get into the festive spirit even if there is no wine on offer. I have not had a drop of alcohol since middle of april and have to say am looking forward to a glass of something sparkly in the not too distant future.........my liver has been very pleased with my period of abstinence I am sure.
Feel very excited as visiting time gets closer and get all the pressies I have been hiding out all over the bed. DD and DH arrive and she is very excited ripping off paper. We have a mini cake that mum has sent and she is covered in chocolate icing , wearing a necklace as a headband and taking photos of everything with her new camera. Such a funny sight - the staff are quite taken with her. DH later uploads her photos to facebook so I can see and they are very poor - she has a lot to learn yet - we have a close up of a blood pressure monitor, staff notice board and some christmas tree baubles. And a cute one of her face when she is using it back to front. Not the birthday I would have chosen for her but
i dont think she was in the least bit affected by it.
Have a quiet night in and go to sleep about 10.........
Tuesday, 14 December 2010
Monday again.........13th Dec
As I type this on tuesday its 26/8. Not long to go now.
Today my BP okay still and no protein in wee so thats a relief. DD is in her nativity play this afternoon but I try not to think about it too much. I do have a crazy notion of getting a taxi and just sitting at the back with a scarf over my head in disguise. Silly. I would actually be let out if I wanted to - I have been out of here on a couple of visits before. But I know my hormones would be out of control when I saw her in her angel costume and I would be bawling like a baby. Not to mention upsetting and confusing DD. And letting the other mums see me looking like crap of course. Oh and the fact that I might have a bleed all over the place and have to dial 999. There you go, talked myself out of the daft idea after all..
DH rings to tell me the school caterers have cocked up her meal order ( outsourced to caterers by the school) and there is no booking for her lunch. She of course doesnt starve - they find her a spare meal but its highly irritating
Then he rings again later after the play to say the after school club have had some kind of breakdown in communication with her booking and when they see her with her coat on and DH is seen near the door (actually because he has been watching the nativty) They think she is going home with him but actually he has to get back to work. So its confusing for the poor little thing and she gets upset. Luckily DH spots her upset and instead she goes home to my mum thankfully. All a bit distressing for me to hear while I am stuck here but doesnt stop me calling the play leader and giving him a tongue lashing over the phone. he is mortified about the mix up and very apologetic. I know she was never going to be left on her own, the teacher would never let her leave the school but still a bit upsetting anyway. So I ring my mum ay our house and DD is actually fine - distracted by multiple episodes of Tom and Jerry. She doesnt even want to say hello tome so clearly has not been too distressed.
On the ward its still quiet and the staff are getting the xmas decorations out so now the place has fairy lights and a christmas tree to brighten things up a bit. My favourite midwife - well actually she is the ward manager comes to see me for a chat. I hadnt seen her for a few days so was thinking she had gone to do a stint on labour ward. Glad to see her.
She talks to me about next week (yes NEXT week) - Csection day and its feels more real. We talk about my supplies of stuff - delights such as big pants, house brick sanitary pads, nipple cream, loose nightshirts etc and of course babies bag - clothes, blanket, hats, nappies and whether we have it all ready. I know it sounds silly to say it but there is actually going to be a baby after all of this........you forget that sometimes when you are just trying to get through each day.
Hopefully I will come back to this ward with my baby, there is another maternity ward here but of course this one has become a second home now - she says she will try to see if I can come back here afterwards.
In the evening Dad and WSM come for a visit which is nice - they have come on the train from the midlands which is more relaxing and less hassle than driving. They bring pressies for DDs birthday tomorrow and some bits for me.
I also had a room-mate for a few hours but she gets transferred to another room before bedtime, praps it was something I said? No loss to me anyway as early indications showed she wasnt up for a chat and had moaning tendencies, plus was another yapper on the phone far too loud. God I sound very intolerant dont I ?
End the day with a bit of TV and a clexane jab in the bum. Night night x
Today my BP okay still and no protein in wee so thats a relief. DD is in her nativity play this afternoon but I try not to think about it too much. I do have a crazy notion of getting a taxi and just sitting at the back with a scarf over my head in disguise. Silly. I would actually be let out if I wanted to - I have been out of here on a couple of visits before. But I know my hormones would be out of control when I saw her in her angel costume and I would be bawling like a baby. Not to mention upsetting and confusing DD. And letting the other mums see me looking like crap of course. Oh and the fact that I might have a bleed all over the place and have to dial 999. There you go, talked myself out of the daft idea after all..
DH rings to tell me the school caterers have cocked up her meal order ( outsourced to caterers by the school) and there is no booking for her lunch. She of course doesnt starve - they find her a spare meal but its highly irritating
Then he rings again later after the play to say the after school club have had some kind of breakdown in communication with her booking and when they see her with her coat on and DH is seen near the door (actually because he has been watching the nativty) They think she is going home with him but actually he has to get back to work. So its confusing for the poor little thing and she gets upset. Luckily DH spots her upset and instead she goes home to my mum thankfully. All a bit distressing for me to hear while I am stuck here but doesnt stop me calling the play leader and giving him a tongue lashing over the phone. he is mortified about the mix up and very apologetic. I know she was never going to be left on her own, the teacher would never let her leave the school but still a bit upsetting anyway. So I ring my mum ay our house and DD is actually fine - distracted by multiple episodes of Tom and Jerry. She doesnt even want to say hello tome so clearly has not been too distressed.
On the ward its still quiet and the staff are getting the xmas decorations out so now the place has fairy lights and a christmas tree to brighten things up a bit. My favourite midwife - well actually she is the ward manager comes to see me for a chat. I hadnt seen her for a few days so was thinking she had gone to do a stint on labour ward. Glad to see her.
She talks to me about next week (yes NEXT week) - Csection day and its feels more real. We talk about my supplies of stuff - delights such as big pants, house brick sanitary pads, nipple cream, loose nightshirts etc and of course babies bag - clothes, blanket, hats, nappies and whether we have it all ready. I know it sounds silly to say it but there is actually going to be a baby after all of this........you forget that sometimes when you are just trying to get through each day.
Hopefully I will come back to this ward with my baby, there is another maternity ward here but of course this one has become a second home now - she says she will try to see if I can come back here afterwards.
In the evening Dad and WSM come for a visit which is nice - they have come on the train from the midlands which is more relaxing and less hassle than driving. They bring pressies for DDs birthday tomorrow and some bits for me.
I also had a room-mate for a few hours but she gets transferred to another room before bedtime, praps it was something I said? No loss to me anyway as early indications showed she wasnt up for a chat and had moaning tendencies, plus was another yapper on the phone far too loud. God I sound very intolerant dont I ?
End the day with a bit of TV and a clexane jab in the bum. Night night x
Monday, 13 December 2010
DDs birthday party day - sun 12th
Wake up early - about 5 and just cannot get back to sleep. Am thinking about DDs party today and just hope it all goes well. I dont think she will miss me too much as its at Gullivers land splash zone and its all catered for - 12 of her friends going so I expect her to be too busy bossing everyone about and having fun. I doze off again until about 8am and then have breakfast. Then I cry into my weetabix. I dont know where these tears come from really, as I thought I was okay but I just cry from nowhere. Damn, I had almost managed a week too. Of well, better out than in. DH phones while I am tearful and he obviously feels a bit helpless - he says there is no way I can come to the party. I know this, I dont want to go its took risky and too far from the hospital.
Anyway I am fine after a while and they do my obs. Bit of protein in the wee this am and my BP is very high - about 150/95. The 95 bit is the worry. So they put me on 4 hourly BP checks. Lovely, lets chuck in a bit of pre-eclampsia to go with the previa while I am here.
They also take out the ventflon - this is number 5 since I have been here and its been in 6 days so has become blocked and sore around the bit where the needle goes in. Midwives dont replace these- a doc or SHO has to do it. Its a hateful procedure - for some reason my veins in my hands are quite deep which makes it harder to do. And what they mean when they say "here comes a sharp scratch" is brace yourself girl cos this is gonna bloody hurt. Something nice to look forward to later when they put a new one in.
The 4 hour BP checks fortunately come to nothing - by late evening the BP has settled to normal again. Phew.
I get a photo text commentary from DH at the party and everyone has arrived and DD has a ball. Have lunch at 12 - Lamb Rogan Josh which I know I will pay for later with indigestion but is a necessary evil as am starting to get a bit constipated (TMI sorry). Piles is not on my Christmas wishlist.
Its so quiet on the ward - only about 7 ladies here - 22 beds is the capacity. But that isgood for me as I ask the m/w nicely and they agree for DH and DD to come and see me at 3pm - 2 hours ahead of normal visiting hours. We have a lovely visit and I get to hear aout the party, she opens a few pressies and we much birthday cake. DH is visibly knackered and relieved that its out of the way, one less important thing on his list to get done. The bathroom is coming along but still lots to do. Mike is tiling at home so the bath can be used soon. They go at about 4.30pm
Then comes the ventflon experience. OMG, terrible. Some ham fisted doc, not sure what grade he is but he butchers my left hand with 2 failed goes - I really cannot look when they do it so thankfully do not see the extent of the cock up but when I look later my hand is covered in blood. To be fair he is very apologetic but I really dont want him to have a 3rd go. He phones his boss who sends an anaesatist to do it as they are obviously more experienced. Thank God he does it first time in my right hand. Still hurts though and the tube thing that inserts into the vein is down far enough to be at the edge of my wrist joint which now has rendered my wrist immobile. Both hands throb for the rest of the evening.
Surrender to TV - the actual x factor final is on..........Matt wins it, shame - I was rooting for the boy band. Take That are on - totally gorgeous. Have tickets for Aston Villa to see them next year.....yay thats something great to look forward to.
I go and make myself a cup of tea - Midwives say I am one of the family now so help myself and I eat cheese and bics in bed eat too many kitkats dipped in the tea. Small things keep me happy.
Watch Dirty Dancing which is one of my all time favourite films - I will never get bored of it. Its up there with Ferris Buellers Day Off and Blazing Saddles. RIP Patrick Swayze......nobody puts baby in a corner.............
Anyway I am fine after a while and they do my obs. Bit of protein in the wee this am and my BP is very high - about 150/95. The 95 bit is the worry. So they put me on 4 hourly BP checks. Lovely, lets chuck in a bit of pre-eclampsia to go with the previa while I am here.
They also take out the ventflon - this is number 5 since I have been here and its been in 6 days so has become blocked and sore around the bit where the needle goes in. Midwives dont replace these- a doc or SHO has to do it. Its a hateful procedure - for some reason my veins in my hands are quite deep which makes it harder to do. And what they mean when they say "here comes a sharp scratch" is brace yourself girl cos this is gonna bloody hurt. Something nice to look forward to later when they put a new one in.
The 4 hour BP checks fortunately come to nothing - by late evening the BP has settled to normal again. Phew.
I get a photo text commentary from DH at the party and everyone has arrived and DD has a ball. Have lunch at 12 - Lamb Rogan Josh which I know I will pay for later with indigestion but is a necessary evil as am starting to get a bit constipated (TMI sorry). Piles is not on my Christmas wishlist.
Its so quiet on the ward - only about 7 ladies here - 22 beds is the capacity. But that isgood for me as I ask the m/w nicely and they agree for DH and DD to come and see me at 3pm - 2 hours ahead of normal visiting hours. We have a lovely visit and I get to hear aout the party, she opens a few pressies and we much birthday cake. DH is visibly knackered and relieved that its out of the way, one less important thing on his list to get done. The bathroom is coming along but still lots to do. Mike is tiling at home so the bath can be used soon. They go at about 4.30pm
Then comes the ventflon experience. OMG, terrible. Some ham fisted doc, not sure what grade he is but he butchers my left hand with 2 failed goes - I really cannot look when they do it so thankfully do not see the extent of the cock up but when I look later my hand is covered in blood. To be fair he is very apologetic but I really dont want him to have a 3rd go. He phones his boss who sends an anaesatist to do it as they are obviously more experienced. Thank God he does it first time in my right hand. Still hurts though and the tube thing that inserts into the vein is down far enough to be at the edge of my wrist joint which now has rendered my wrist immobile. Both hands throb for the rest of the evening.
Surrender to TV - the actual x factor final is on..........Matt wins it, shame - I was rooting for the boy band. Take That are on - totally gorgeous. Have tickets for Aston Villa to see them next year.....yay thats something great to look forward to.
I go and make myself a cup of tea - Midwives say I am one of the family now so help myself and I eat cheese and bics in bed eat too many kitkats dipped in the tea. Small things keep me happy.
Watch Dirty Dancing which is one of my all time favourite films - I will never get bored of it. Its up there with Ferris Buellers Day Off and Blazing Saddles. RIP Patrick Swayze......nobody puts baby in a corner.............
Sunday, 12 December 2010
Saturday 11th Dec
Wow, I have 2 followers of my blog.........Well actually I know theres a lot more of you out there reading. If you are reading then add on as a follower. Its not in the least bit stalkerish I promise and I think you might get some kind of alert when I add a new post. And it will make me feel like I am less of a saddo sitting here typing with the dodgy keyboard for 1-2 hours per day.
Its a funny day today (peculiar not ha ha). I imagine the madness that is going on outside of this hospital - town is only 10 mins walk away and I imagine that its mayhem being the last but one weekend until Christmas. I think of normal life at home - DH is with DD getting new tyres for the car, a boring yet normal activity. probably about 10% of the population are agonising over what to wear for their christmas do tonight. And many others are probably stressing over christmas family arrangements and how perfect the table arrangements/food/drink need to be for christmas lunch. None of this stuff is really important. I have always been in control of pretty much everything but in here I have had to accept that whilst I can organise some stuff, most things are out of my control. I have always chosen my DDs outfit each day and laid it out for her. Mainly for fear of DH choosing something that doesnt match or her leaving the house looking like a gypsy child. Silly really.......he has managed so well for the last 3.5 weeks without me making outfit choices hasnt he?
So when I get out of here lets hope I can maintain a bit more of a relaxed attitude.......family and friends around me are the most important thins, I will really try not to sweat the small stuff.
Breakfast Wendy doesnt work weekends and normally another lady works weekends but there is no sign of her today and instead its Young Boy With Nice Manners. He normally works afternoons and he looks very young, at first I thought he was on work experience but hes been here all the time I have. He always knocks my door which is open anyway and then asks if he can come in even when the curtains are open. He obviously has been brought up well but is a bit nervy at times, not suprising considering some of the sights he must see in here. He has a few extra hours this weekend he tells me when I ask.
DH comes this lunchtime with fish and chips for lunch. Yum. Still no roomie so we happily eat ourselves stupid, I havent had chips for a long time and they are lush. He is about £380 lighter after having to get 4 new tyres for his car.....lets hope it passes the MOT on Tuesday. My cars MOT ran out while Ive been in here too but he sorted that last week. Just another 2 things he has had to do along with everything else going on........he is ready for DDs party tomorrow and we discuss the very exciting shopping list that will be delivered by tesco.com a couple of days before I get out of hospital. I write the list and itll take me about 2 hours to do it on this very slow system in here but at least he wont have to battle around a supermarket to get chistmas food when joe public and his dog are filling their trolleys like the shops are going to be closed for months after christmas.
Treat myself to a nap in the afternoon and then watch the x factor final......also manage to stay awake for half of Bridget Jones - the edge of reason which is v funny but give in to sleep at 11pm.
As I type this Sun am - 24 nights down, 10 to go until baby is born.......
Its a funny day today (peculiar not ha ha). I imagine the madness that is going on outside of this hospital - town is only 10 mins walk away and I imagine that its mayhem being the last but one weekend until Christmas. I think of normal life at home - DH is with DD getting new tyres for the car, a boring yet normal activity. probably about 10% of the population are agonising over what to wear for their christmas do tonight. And many others are probably stressing over christmas family arrangements and how perfect the table arrangements/food/drink need to be for christmas lunch. None of this stuff is really important. I have always been in control of pretty much everything but in here I have had to accept that whilst I can organise some stuff, most things are out of my control. I have always chosen my DDs outfit each day and laid it out for her. Mainly for fear of DH choosing something that doesnt match or her leaving the house looking like a gypsy child. Silly really.......he has managed so well for the last 3.5 weeks without me making outfit choices hasnt he?
So when I get out of here lets hope I can maintain a bit more of a relaxed attitude.......family and friends around me are the most important thins, I will really try not to sweat the small stuff.
Breakfast Wendy doesnt work weekends and normally another lady works weekends but there is no sign of her today and instead its Young Boy With Nice Manners. He normally works afternoons and he looks very young, at first I thought he was on work experience but hes been here all the time I have. He always knocks my door which is open anyway and then asks if he can come in even when the curtains are open. He obviously has been brought up well but is a bit nervy at times, not suprising considering some of the sights he must see in here. He has a few extra hours this weekend he tells me when I ask.
DH comes this lunchtime with fish and chips for lunch. Yum. Still no roomie so we happily eat ourselves stupid, I havent had chips for a long time and they are lush. He is about £380 lighter after having to get 4 new tyres for his car.....lets hope it passes the MOT on Tuesday. My cars MOT ran out while Ive been in here too but he sorted that last week. Just another 2 things he has had to do along with everything else going on........he is ready for DDs party tomorrow and we discuss the very exciting shopping list that will be delivered by tesco.com a couple of days before I get out of hospital. I write the list and itll take me about 2 hours to do it on this very slow system in here but at least he wont have to battle around a supermarket to get chistmas food when joe public and his dog are filling their trolleys like the shops are going to be closed for months after christmas.
Treat myself to a nap in the afternoon and then watch the x factor final......also manage to stay awake for half of Bridget Jones - the edge of reason which is v funny but give in to sleep at 11pm.
As I type this Sun am - 24 nights down, 10 to go until baby is born.......
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