Blowing the cobwebs off the blog after a long time !!!! Not many readers lurking around anymore but even after closing my follow on blog http://www.nowthefunbegins.blogspot.com/ back in the spring my time in hospital isn't ever far from my mind. I have had a couple of lovely emails from ladies who found themselves in hospital with the same condition that I had and have read my story and been in touch.
I have been back to NGH a couple of times to see my eye consultant and I have on both occasions walked past Robert Watson ward 'for old times sake' and those doors to the ward still make me have a massive lump in my throat - such emotional times this time last year........Since November I have been re-reading my hospital stay blog each day and as I have read each day from 2010 on the same day a year later in 2011 its brought some really funny, sad and happy memories for me. I am so glad I wrote it because without it I would have forgotton so much already.
As I write this its the early hours of Christmas Eve 2011 and I am wide awake. I really should be asleep as its been a busy month and Alex will be awake in a couple of hours. We celebrated his first birthday on Thursday - the year has flown by so quickly its unreal. Seems like only yesterday when he was born.
We had a brilliant summer - Center Parcs, Take That concert (obviously Alex stayed at home - too young), Christening day on 3rd July which we had a great party afterwards for family and friends, spent the whole 6 weeks school holidays at home with DD &Alex going on day trips and picnics with friends, Alex's first trip on an aeroplane for our holiday to Menorca aged 8 months - he loved it. I returned to work in October 3 days a week ( I was an emotional wreck leaving him at first) and I am now enjoying being back in the land of recruitment. We sat in the garden in the paddling pool, BBQ for lunch on the 1st October - very strange weather. And of course as I turned 40 in January (Alex was just 4 weeks old) have had to celebrate that too - had two separate weekends away with some of my oldest girlfriends. DH was brilliant and looked after both children to allow me to go away.
Finally stopped breastfeeding in July and started yoga again in August (my stomach muscles will never be the same again after 2 C-sections). Managed to lose all of my baby weight before I went back to work but in the New Year I really must do some proper exercise (famous last words).........
But for me this month has been the best. As I missed so much last year, I have enjoyed every moment of the build up to Christmas. We must have seen at least 4 different Santa's (!), been to Cadbury World for DD's birthday, saw her in her nativity play at school, taken her to her school disco (complete with blow dried hair, handbag and lipgloss), celebrated her 6th birthday. Alex is so easy going and goes along with everything - he loves all the sparkly lights. We put up the decorations first weekend of December and have at least 8 sets of lights up so its very festive. Me and DH must have clocked up at least 5 hours of wrapping presents - 2 birthdays and Christmas. And of course made it to my work Christmas party. Last year could only look at the pictures on facebook from my bed. And of course have been addicted to the X-factor (even DH watched with me this year). I am so easily pleased now - just simple stuff like sharing a bottle of wine with a friend at the pub, watching a good film on the sofa with DH, baking cakes in the kitchen with DD - there's nothing like a long stay in hospital to make you appreciate whats important. Of course I have done my fair share of rushing around, making to-do lists and get a stress-head on every now again but who doesn't???
I sent all my Christmas cards early this year and I did include one to Robert Watson ward with a little letter and photos with an update on Alex's progress over the year. The ladies there will be on my Christmas list forever now !!!!!
Every now again I get a little memory from my time in hospital. I started a new bottle of shower cream the other week and didn't even realise it was the same brand as the bottle I was using back then. The smell of it just sent me back to the communal showers and the plastic glove I wore over the dreaded ventflon (shudder). We unpacked the Christmas decs and there was the mini Christmas tree and DD's drawing of a bear I had on my bedside locker in the box (lump in throat). I got my DS game out to play with and found on it countless photos of my bed/bump/BP monitor/my own legs in hospital stockings/visitors/my holdall aka 'the wardrobe' (could I have been that bored?). I so wish I had taken photos of the staff on RW too although most off them are still there in my memory as clear as it was yesterday. Sadly even a year later the Alan Sugar book remains unfinished (not enough hours in the day)
You have probably gathered by now that its not the early hours of Christmas Eve anymore - I had to get back in bed so its now the 29th December as I write.............
I had a lovely Christmas card back from Paula and the team on the 23rd which was a great surprise. On Christmas Eve I went with my little family to the crib service at church in the village which was just perfect and we had friends back to the house afterwards and we indulged in a few glasses of wine. DD was so excited - scattering reindeer food on the lawn and leaving out sherry for Santa. And Christmas Day was spent in our very noisy house opening pressies, cooking, eating and drinking (not necessarily in that order) Alex loved it, was quite confused with all the strange activity.............What a difference a year makes. I hope the Mayor of Northampton didn't miss me bawling in her arms this year !!!!
So there you go, there's my update done. What a year its been and you know what, I wouldn't change a thing - its been exhausting, emotional, uplfting, sad and funny. But here I am a year on and so happy - 5.5 weeks was nothing really when you look back. And the reason I was there was because of my little baby boy who has just turned one............I have my DH, DD (a little star) and my gorgeous son. I am a very lucky lady.
Wishing you a wonderful happy new year xxxx
Thursday, 29 December 2011
Wednesday, 5 January 2011
A short dedication to end on.
I would like to dedicate my story to my Darling Husband and Daughter who coped so amazingly well while I wasn't at home. And to thank my Mum for her help with everything - looking after DD, cooking meals and helping out with house stuff. She actually doesn't know this blog exists yet, she worries too much and I didn't want her fretting about me whilst in hospital. I'll print it off and show her one day soon.
And all of the staff on Robert Watson ward at Northampton General Hospital. Thank you for making my stay a good one. What could have been unbearable was actually restful, amusing, yes emotional at times but you made me feel welcome, safe and 'part of the family'
The midwives were great - Paula, Helen, Emma x 2, Rebecca, Ola, Winnie. Yvonne, Sue and Gail to name a few plus student Laura (loved the apprentice chats) and the Pink Ladies - Mary, Sarah and too many others to name. Not forgetting Wendy, Alba. Boy With Nice Manners and all of the other domestic staff including the weekend breakfast lady whose name I never asked.
And of course the staff in theatre on the 22nd Dec and my consultant Mr Davies and his registrar Mohammed who didnt mind my tears when I was upset.
Thank you all so much.
Logging off now, thanks for everything x
Find out what happens next at http://www.nowthefunbegins.blogspot.com/
And all of the staff on Robert Watson ward at Northampton General Hospital. Thank you for making my stay a good one. What could have been unbearable was actually restful, amusing, yes emotional at times but you made me feel welcome, safe and 'part of the family'
The midwives were great - Paula, Helen, Emma x 2, Rebecca, Ola, Winnie. Yvonne, Sue and Gail to name a few plus student Laura (loved the apprentice chats) and the Pink Ladies - Mary, Sarah and too many others to name. Not forgetting Wendy, Alba. Boy With Nice Manners and all of the other domestic staff including the weekend breakfast lady whose name I never asked.
And of course the staff in theatre on the 22nd Dec and my consultant Mr Davies and his registrar Mohammed who didnt mind my tears when I was upset.
Thank you all so much.
Logging off now, thanks for everything x
Find out what happens next at http://www.nowthefunbegins.blogspot.com/
Going home for Christmas. Christmas Day part 2............
Sue comes into my room as soon as the Doctor has left - she is smiling and happy for me. She says she can get my prescription stuff sorted out within the the hour for my from the ward stock - obviously the hospital pharmacy is closed today. She says its will be strange around here without me there....such a lovely person.
I feed Alex and then start gathering my things. I empty the bathroom and my bedside locker and put things back into my holdall - aka 'the wardrobe'. I have the door of my room open. Theres a few dads and young children visiting their mummies. A lot of them cry as they are taken home again, Christmas Eve or Christmas Day babies born so are staying on the ward. I think myself lucky that I am at least going to spend part of Christmas at home and DH doesnt have to bring DD in for yet another visit.
DH arrives at 1pm. He has the car seat with him. I feel like I might burst with excitement at the sight of that car seat. Yes I know its only a car seat but I have lost count of how many Dads I have seen turning up with car seats over the weeks I have been here. Because that means baby is going home. Most new mums only ever stay 2 or 3 days - And whilst in room 10 have heard many cheery "Thank you very much, bye !" as the new parents have walked out of the ward back into normal life. Today its our turn.
Sue comes in with my discharge papers and drugs. I am already tearful again. Alex is now in his fleecy suit and tucked up safe in his car seat and I scan the room over and over again making sure nothing has been left behind. Dh takes the big holdall to the car. I am left in the room in my outdoor clothes and Alex in the car seat. He comes back and we walk to the midwifes office. I try not to cry but its impossible. I say thank you to Sue and before I know it I am sobbing. Thank you doesn't seem enough really. Sarah is making up beds and I say goodbye to her too. A sidewards glance to room 10 as I go, home for such a long time. I actually feel a liitle nervous of leaving.
We walk back down the corridor to the exit. This exit is where I have spent so many occasions saying goodbye to visitors but particularly where I have hugged and kissed DD after our short visits and she is taken home again leaving me with a lump in my throat as I see her little face disappear around the corner. We go through the door, DH and Alex ahead of me. I can't help look back at the door as we walk away, I half expect someone to come out and tell me theres been a mistake, I can't go. But of course they don't. I am sobbing, its all too much. Up along the corridor and out into the car park, the cold air hits me. Its Christmas Day of course and deserted, our car is the only one in the car park.
I sit in the back with Alex and sit with tears pouring down my face as we drive away from the hospital. I can't talk to DH without crying and he says to calm down, but I tell him not to worry, its all good stuff, happy tears.
When we approach our village its just looks like the best thing I have ever seen. All snowy and lovely and well, its just home. DD is still at mums so we just settle in. Alex is sleeping - welcome home little boy.
The Christmas tree and chaos of presents everywhere just looks perfect to me. Even if the Christmas tree was decorated mainly by DD and its pretty messy. Looks like the best tree I have ever seen.
DH goes to collect her and she comes running in, all excited and very happy to see me. Mum and Mike come for a short time, they have followed in the car with DD's presents from their house. I sit on the sofa having a cup of tea surrounded by my family, a little spaced out but very very happy.
I walk up the stairs for the first time and look at the new bathroom......gorgeous.
Later DD has her bath and I go up and sit with her on our bed while she dries off. Our bed feels different, all soft and luxurious and well, like our bed. But after sleeping in my single hospital bed under blankets for a few weeks its bound to feel different. I get to read her a story at bed time, something I have missed so much and we look at the huge icicles hanging from her window. Have never seen icicles in the 8 years we have lived her. Its amazing what you notice when you really look at what surrounds you. This experience has taught me to value whats important and not get caught up in silly details.
Before bed I am in the kitchen and catch sight of the diary on the work top. We always have had this diary to jot down what we are going to eat for the week just to make life easier really for food shopping etc. Its open at the week it all happened. The entry for Thursday 18th November - ' Lamb chops and veggies'. The Lamb chops we never ate. The night I was admitted for my hospital stay, frozen in time, nothing written in it after that date. I smile to myself, more silly tears pouring now as I stare at the page. Thank God its now the 25th December and not the 18th November.
I am home now, safe with my husband, daughter and baby son. I survived and am here to tell the tale.
Thank you for reading, everyone.
With Love,
Helen xxxx
I feed Alex and then start gathering my things. I empty the bathroom and my bedside locker and put things back into my holdall - aka 'the wardrobe'. I have the door of my room open. Theres a few dads and young children visiting their mummies. A lot of them cry as they are taken home again, Christmas Eve or Christmas Day babies born so are staying on the ward. I think myself lucky that I am at least going to spend part of Christmas at home and DH doesnt have to bring DD in for yet another visit.
DH arrives at 1pm. He has the car seat with him. I feel like I might burst with excitement at the sight of that car seat. Yes I know its only a car seat but I have lost count of how many Dads I have seen turning up with car seats over the weeks I have been here. Because that means baby is going home. Most new mums only ever stay 2 or 3 days - And whilst in room 10 have heard many cheery "Thank you very much, bye !" as the new parents have walked out of the ward back into normal life. Today its our turn.
Sue comes in with my discharge papers and drugs. I am already tearful again. Alex is now in his fleecy suit and tucked up safe in his car seat and I scan the room over and over again making sure nothing has been left behind. Dh takes the big holdall to the car. I am left in the room in my outdoor clothes and Alex in the car seat. He comes back and we walk to the midwifes office. I try not to cry but its impossible. I say thank you to Sue and before I know it I am sobbing. Thank you doesn't seem enough really. Sarah is making up beds and I say goodbye to her too. A sidewards glance to room 10 as I go, home for such a long time. I actually feel a liitle nervous of leaving.
We walk back down the corridor to the exit. This exit is where I have spent so many occasions saying goodbye to visitors but particularly where I have hugged and kissed DD after our short visits and she is taken home again leaving me with a lump in my throat as I see her little face disappear around the corner. We go through the door, DH and Alex ahead of me. I can't help look back at the door as we walk away, I half expect someone to come out and tell me theres been a mistake, I can't go. But of course they don't. I am sobbing, its all too much. Up along the corridor and out into the car park, the cold air hits me. Its Christmas Day of course and deserted, our car is the only one in the car park.
I sit in the back with Alex and sit with tears pouring down my face as we drive away from the hospital. I can't talk to DH without crying and he says to calm down, but I tell him not to worry, its all good stuff, happy tears.
When we approach our village its just looks like the best thing I have ever seen. All snowy and lovely and well, its just home. DD is still at mums so we just settle in. Alex is sleeping - welcome home little boy.
The Christmas tree and chaos of presents everywhere just looks perfect to me. Even if the Christmas tree was decorated mainly by DD and its pretty messy. Looks like the best tree I have ever seen.
DH goes to collect her and she comes running in, all excited and very happy to see me. Mum and Mike come for a short time, they have followed in the car with DD's presents from their house. I sit on the sofa having a cup of tea surrounded by my family, a little spaced out but very very happy.
I walk up the stairs for the first time and look at the new bathroom......gorgeous.
Later DD has her bath and I go up and sit with her on our bed while she dries off. Our bed feels different, all soft and luxurious and well, like our bed. But after sleeping in my single hospital bed under blankets for a few weeks its bound to feel different. I get to read her a story at bed time, something I have missed so much and we look at the huge icicles hanging from her window. Have never seen icicles in the 8 years we have lived her. Its amazing what you notice when you really look at what surrounds you. This experience has taught me to value whats important and not get caught up in silly details.
Before bed I am in the kitchen and catch sight of the diary on the work top. We always have had this diary to jot down what we are going to eat for the week just to make life easier really for food shopping etc. Its open at the week it all happened. The entry for Thursday 18th November - ' Lamb chops and veggies'. The Lamb chops we never ate. The night I was admitted for my hospital stay, frozen in time, nothing written in it after that date. I smile to myself, more silly tears pouring now as I stare at the page. Thank God its now the 25th December and not the 18th November.
I am home now, safe with my husband, daughter and baby son. I survived and am here to tell the tale.
Thank you for reading, everyone.
With Love,
Helen xxxx
Sunday, 2 January 2011
Its Christmas Day.........part1.
At about 6am Paula comes back and my BP is down slightly again thank Goodness. I am feeding Alex and she gives me a big cuddle and wishes me Happy Christmas. She gives me a little poinsetta plant and a mince pie. It sits on my table and I think its a nice gesture. I dont have any presents although DH offered to bring some in for me but I dont want any until I get home. If I am honest I couldnt care less about presents this year they just dont seem important at all. My best present was already delivered on Wednesday and the only other thing I want is to get home to my DD and DH.
The other thing to note about today is that its 'DAY 3' This is the 3rd day after having a baby when the baby blues turn up. Great, thats all I need. Its Christmas Day, I am in hospital for the 38th day on the trot without my family so why not chuck in a load of postnatal hormonal crying to add to the fun. And I dont wait long for it to kick in either.
DH rings to wish me a happy christmas and I somehow keep a grip on myself while I talk to DD briefly and can hear her shrieking in delight at her pressies. Thank God she isnt too affected by my not being there is all I can hang onto. I doze off again after this call as I have been up in the night feeding Alex. When I wake up there is a plastice cup of Bucks Fizz on my bedside table. I am guessing Paula left it for me when she went off shift. I feel sad that I wasnt awake when she left. She has been amazing throughout the whole of my stay.
Its a Saturday so Breakfast Wendy is not on duty. She told me yesterday that in the 20 years or so she has worked at the hospital she has only ever had 3 Christmas Days off and as this year Christmas day and Boxing day fall on Sat/Sun she gets the 2 days off. She was so excited to be spending her Christmas with her family. I think of her as the weekend lady serves my breakfast. What amazing dedication some of the staff have here. That makes me feel tearful and I have a moment with my weetabix. I can't face the bucks fizz, After abstaining from alcohol since April it somehow seems wrong to start again with lukewarm bucks fizz from a plastic cup. Turns out it is my gift bucks fizz which was shared out this morning in the office. Bless them.
I had been told a couple of weeks back that the Mayor of Northampton always visits the hospital wards on Christmas Day morning. I had forgotton about this until now. I am in my room having another little cry about something probably not worth crying over and I hear weekend breakfast lady say 'oh hello there....let me take you to room 7 first !' Jesus, its only the bloody Mayor and I think her husband, both kitted out in the full Mayor gear, gold chains and everything. And they are in my room, I am wearing a cardie over my attractive nightshirt and no doubt look bloody terrible. She is a lovely lady and says Happy Christmas. And I remember my manners and shake both of their hands before bursting into tears. So I am stood there unable to speak with the Mayor giving me a big cuddle while I sob out of control. Turns out she used to be a midwife and is now a health visitor so is familiar with hormonal ladies. I look back now and smile - what a priceless scene. She was so lovely and told me to get it all out - best not to bottle it up.
Alex sleeps on unaware - I will tell him this when he is older.
Another of my favourite pink ladies comes to see me - Sarah. She says its time to weigh Alex. I hold my breathe while he is stripped for the scales. Please God let him not have lost too much weight..........my prayers have been answered, he is fit to go home, only lost a couple of ounces. The Paedatrician was happy with all his checks yesterday so he is free to go. Lets just hope his Mummy is too......
After the weigh in we give him a bath too and wash his hair. I cry through this too - just because someone had come into the nursery to have a look at him and wish me happy christmas. They make the fatal error of asking how my DD is this morning. God, so I just sob through his first bath, Sarah is lovely and just pats me on the back. I bet shes seen it all before.
Lovely midwife Sue is back on duty this morning and she promises me the moment a doctor is on the ward, I will be first to be seen. I have a wander down the corridor just for something to do and go to my old room 10 - where I spent most of my time life before Alex. Someone else in there now and that time seems to have gone, forgotton. I am in a different place now, the waiting for him to be born bit seems to have vanished into nowhere. Wierd.
At 12, Christmas Lunch is served in my room. It looks pretty decent actually - the full works. There is a cracker on the side of the tray. Nice touch but who will I pull it with? I feel the tears coming again so I shut my door and eat my lunch whilst staring out of the window. I feel pretty sorry for myself. I am halfway through and theres a knock at the door - Oh God, someone else to see me crying. Its a Doctor. He comes in and sees me crying and asks if I am okay. Everything spills out of me - I just want to go home, please, please I am begging. He takes his time. He asks how I feel, how is baby, do I have a headache, flashing lights, sore stomach????? No, no, no to all of these questions. He smiles and says quietly - you can go home then. Thank you, Thank you, I want to kiss him. He will discharge me, and go and talk to the midwife to get my papers sorted and give me my take home drugs. I cannot tell you how I feel, absolutely over the moon. I am actually going to walk out of here today.
I phone DH.......he and DD are having lunch at my mums. He will be here within the hour. I start to pack and get dressed. This is just the best news ever, and for the first time today, I am grinning ear to ear.
The other thing to note about today is that its 'DAY 3' This is the 3rd day after having a baby when the baby blues turn up. Great, thats all I need. Its Christmas Day, I am in hospital for the 38th day on the trot without my family so why not chuck in a load of postnatal hormonal crying to add to the fun. And I dont wait long for it to kick in either.
DH rings to wish me a happy christmas and I somehow keep a grip on myself while I talk to DD briefly and can hear her shrieking in delight at her pressies. Thank God she isnt too affected by my not being there is all I can hang onto. I doze off again after this call as I have been up in the night feeding Alex. When I wake up there is a plastice cup of Bucks Fizz on my bedside table. I am guessing Paula left it for me when she went off shift. I feel sad that I wasnt awake when she left. She has been amazing throughout the whole of my stay.
Its a Saturday so Breakfast Wendy is not on duty. She told me yesterday that in the 20 years or so she has worked at the hospital she has only ever had 3 Christmas Days off and as this year Christmas day and Boxing day fall on Sat/Sun she gets the 2 days off. She was so excited to be spending her Christmas with her family. I think of her as the weekend lady serves my breakfast. What amazing dedication some of the staff have here. That makes me feel tearful and I have a moment with my weetabix. I can't face the bucks fizz, After abstaining from alcohol since April it somehow seems wrong to start again with lukewarm bucks fizz from a plastic cup. Turns out it is my gift bucks fizz which was shared out this morning in the office. Bless them.
I had been told a couple of weeks back that the Mayor of Northampton always visits the hospital wards on Christmas Day morning. I had forgotton about this until now. I am in my room having another little cry about something probably not worth crying over and I hear weekend breakfast lady say 'oh hello there....let me take you to room 7 first !' Jesus, its only the bloody Mayor and I think her husband, both kitted out in the full Mayor gear, gold chains and everything. And they are in my room, I am wearing a cardie over my attractive nightshirt and no doubt look bloody terrible. She is a lovely lady and says Happy Christmas. And I remember my manners and shake both of their hands before bursting into tears. So I am stood there unable to speak with the Mayor giving me a big cuddle while I sob out of control. Turns out she used to be a midwife and is now a health visitor so is familiar with hormonal ladies. I look back now and smile - what a priceless scene. She was so lovely and told me to get it all out - best not to bottle it up.
Alex sleeps on unaware - I will tell him this when he is older.
Another of my favourite pink ladies comes to see me - Sarah. She says its time to weigh Alex. I hold my breathe while he is stripped for the scales. Please God let him not have lost too much weight..........my prayers have been answered, he is fit to go home, only lost a couple of ounces. The Paedatrician was happy with all his checks yesterday so he is free to go. Lets just hope his Mummy is too......
After the weigh in we give him a bath too and wash his hair. I cry through this too - just because someone had come into the nursery to have a look at him and wish me happy christmas. They make the fatal error of asking how my DD is this morning. God, so I just sob through his first bath, Sarah is lovely and just pats me on the back. I bet shes seen it all before.
Lovely midwife Sue is back on duty this morning and she promises me the moment a doctor is on the ward, I will be first to be seen. I have a wander down the corridor just for something to do and go to my old room 10 - where I spent most of my time life before Alex. Someone else in there now and that time seems to have gone, forgotton. I am in a different place now, the waiting for him to be born bit seems to have vanished into nowhere. Wierd.
At 12, Christmas Lunch is served in my room. It looks pretty decent actually - the full works. There is a cracker on the side of the tray. Nice touch but who will I pull it with? I feel the tears coming again so I shut my door and eat my lunch whilst staring out of the window. I feel pretty sorry for myself. I am halfway through and theres a knock at the door - Oh God, someone else to see me crying. Its a Doctor. He comes in and sees me crying and asks if I am okay. Everything spills out of me - I just want to go home, please, please I am begging. He takes his time. He asks how I feel, how is baby, do I have a headache, flashing lights, sore stomach????? No, no, no to all of these questions. He smiles and says quietly - you can go home then. Thank you, Thank you, I want to kiss him. He will discharge me, and go and talk to the midwife to get my papers sorted and give me my take home drugs. I cannot tell you how I feel, absolutely over the moon. I am actually going to walk out of here today.
I phone DH.......he and DD are having lunch at my mums. He will be here within the hour. I start to pack and get dressed. This is just the best news ever, and for the first time today, I am grinning ear to ear.
T'was the night before Christmas........
So its Christmas Eve. This isnt a place I expected to be if you had asked me a few months ago. Its a bleak view from the window. Suprisingly busy outside with lots of comings and goings at the hospital.
Thank God the extreme pain has subsided today and I manage on a cocktail of paracetamol and ibroprufen. I also venture out of my room to walk down to the midwifes office every now and again. Have my shower which is much more pleasant than yesterdays experience, when I was in agony.
Feeling very homesick today, I feel ready to go and get on with being normal again. I had specifically said to DH that I want today to be as normal as possible for DD. I want her to go to the family church service and to leave out the mince pie and sherry for Santa. As much as I want to see her I dont want her doing the hospital thing today of all days.
I'm not on my own - I have my new roomie with me after all - he is cute, very small and not remotely chavvy even if he does keep strange hours he definately does not eat curry. I dont get bored of looking at him.
Strangely I dont see a doctor today and there are 2 midwives on duty on the morning shift that I haven't seen before which is wierd as I pretty much know everyone who works on this ward.
DH comes to visit while DD is at church with Nanny & Grandad. I try not to picture the scene at the village church at 3pm. Its too much to think about as I love going each year, really means the start of Christmas for me. Its only a short visit anyway as I want him to get back home. I cant help myself but cry when he leaves. I should be at home really.
There is talk of me not going home if Alex has lost too much weight - so I make sure I tank him up with both my milk which there isn't a lot of and the formula. I speak to one of the midwives on duty to try to establish what time the doc will do their rounds in the morning to do discharges - they can't tell me.
Another favourite midwife - Sue comes on in the afternoon - thank goodness a familiar face. She has a look at my wound for me - its not an attractive pose with me on the bed flat on my back and my huge paper pants on full view directly opposite the door for anyone to see. Thankfully the door is closed but its nearly 4pm and I pray that Boy With Nice Manners isnt hovering to refill my water jug. She says it looks fine anyway - healing nicely.
Whilst a couple of days ago I was happy to stay, I now have this urgent need to get out and home. At her bedtime I talk to DD on the phone and tell her to make she gets straight to sleep so Santa will come to leave her her pressies. I distract myself with what I hope will be my last evening watching TV in here. Ironically the best Christmas Eve TV has to offer is 'one born every minute' - live from the maternity wards of Southampton Hospital. I loved this programme when it was on months ago but now to be honest I am done with the whole Labour thing. I've had my fill of it.
Later I say goodnight to DH on the phone. The ward seems a little quiet, probably about 12 ladies I guess. Paula is on duty that night, she comes to see me after report at 9pm. I give her a goody bag of biscuits & bucks fizz plus a Thank You card to share in the office.
My BP is on the up again - bloody hell that is all I need. I am not on the BP tablets anymore - they stopped them after I had Alexander as it seemed to be stable. Thats another thing that might stop me going home. Can't bear that thought as I have already told DD I will see her at home tomorrow. Oh God, should I have said anything??? I dont sleep well at all - and when they do obs on me at 2am my BP is through the roof. When I ask if it will stop me going home they are very evasive - Paula wont commit and they cannot just start me on the BP tablets again without a doc saying to do so. Its all too much and I sit sobbing on the bed with Winnie another familiar midwife. Haven't I been here long enough??? I try to get some rest and Alexander keeps me company as I feed him through the night. I pray that tomorrow I get discharged. I dont want to do it but I seriously think about discharging myself anyway.
Thank God the extreme pain has subsided today and I manage on a cocktail of paracetamol and ibroprufen. I also venture out of my room to walk down to the midwifes office every now and again. Have my shower which is much more pleasant than yesterdays experience, when I was in agony.
Feeling very homesick today, I feel ready to go and get on with being normal again. I had specifically said to DH that I want today to be as normal as possible for DD. I want her to go to the family church service and to leave out the mince pie and sherry for Santa. As much as I want to see her I dont want her doing the hospital thing today of all days.
I'm not on my own - I have my new roomie with me after all - he is cute, very small and not remotely chavvy even if he does keep strange hours he definately does not eat curry. I dont get bored of looking at him.
Strangely I dont see a doctor today and there are 2 midwives on duty on the morning shift that I haven't seen before which is wierd as I pretty much know everyone who works on this ward.
DH comes to visit while DD is at church with Nanny & Grandad. I try not to picture the scene at the village church at 3pm. Its too much to think about as I love going each year, really means the start of Christmas for me. Its only a short visit anyway as I want him to get back home. I cant help myself but cry when he leaves. I should be at home really.
There is talk of me not going home if Alex has lost too much weight - so I make sure I tank him up with both my milk which there isn't a lot of and the formula. I speak to one of the midwives on duty to try to establish what time the doc will do their rounds in the morning to do discharges - they can't tell me.
Another favourite midwife - Sue comes on in the afternoon - thank goodness a familiar face. She has a look at my wound for me - its not an attractive pose with me on the bed flat on my back and my huge paper pants on full view directly opposite the door for anyone to see. Thankfully the door is closed but its nearly 4pm and I pray that Boy With Nice Manners isnt hovering to refill my water jug. She says it looks fine anyway - healing nicely.
Whilst a couple of days ago I was happy to stay, I now have this urgent need to get out and home. At her bedtime I talk to DD on the phone and tell her to make she gets straight to sleep so Santa will come to leave her her pressies. I distract myself with what I hope will be my last evening watching TV in here. Ironically the best Christmas Eve TV has to offer is 'one born every minute' - live from the maternity wards of Southampton Hospital. I loved this programme when it was on months ago but now to be honest I am done with the whole Labour thing. I've had my fill of it.
Later I say goodnight to DH on the phone. The ward seems a little quiet, probably about 12 ladies I guess. Paula is on duty that night, she comes to see me after report at 9pm. I give her a goody bag of biscuits & bucks fizz plus a Thank You card to share in the office.
My BP is on the up again - bloody hell that is all I need. I am not on the BP tablets anymore - they stopped them after I had Alexander as it seemed to be stable. Thats another thing that might stop me going home. Can't bear that thought as I have already told DD I will see her at home tomorrow. Oh God, should I have said anything??? I dont sleep well at all - and when they do obs on me at 2am my BP is through the roof. When I ask if it will stop me going home they are very evasive - Paula wont commit and they cannot just start me on the BP tablets again without a doc saying to do so. Its all too much and I sit sobbing on the bed with Winnie another familiar midwife. Haven't I been here long enough??? I try to get some rest and Alexander keeps me company as I feed him through the night. I pray that tomorrow I get discharged. I dont want to do it but I seriously think about discharging myself anyway.
Friday, 31 December 2010
Room upgrade..........Thursday 23rd
Paula (fave midwife/ward manager) is on duty this morning and she comes to see me straight away. She is pleased to meet this little baby at last. its lovely to see her too - 'on the other side'.
My catheter is taken out and I am free to leave my bed to go for a wee. I have to fill 3 bedpans and declare them for inspection before my bladder is deemed normal and functioning. This isnt difficult as I am making up for lost time drinking gallons of iced water and tea, still thirsty from the nil by mouth rules of the day before.
I have my breakfast - breakfast Wendy is on duty and its good to see her too. Loving the familiarity of my 'friends' on the ward and they are loving seeing Alex in a cot instead of a huge bump in me!
Paula and a couple of pink ladies come back (HCA's) and she says, c'mon, we are moving you. I am moved to room 7........and wait for it....its a single ensuite room. Oh the luxury is just too exciting for words. I have my OWN bathroom after 5 weeks of communal showers and loo's. It has a towel rail ! and a big window and lots of space. Not sure if I would have got this anyway but suspect its a reward for good behaviour.......
Still no milk has come in for Alex but he is feeding okay on the colostrum at first. The pain kicks in for me and I am limping like an old lady......sitting up from lying down is near impossible and on more than one occasion I find myself lying on my back like a stranded tortoise legs and arms unable to go anywhere. Can't reach the call bell either so I have to inch my way to the edge of the bed and roll ever so slowly over. I am also now the beholder of house brick size sanitary towels so glamour has long gone out of the window. Fortunately though as I did not have to push this baby out, I dont walk like I have lost my horse but just like I have had my stomach muscles cut. Oh yes, thats what did happen!
I get some relief at 2pm on the drugs round and I take all the drugs on offer - hardcore liquid morphine helps the pain.
I am so excited about visiting time at 5pm. DH had already been first thing to see us both for an hour or so but then had to get back to collect DD from her sleepover at nannys. At 5pm DD comes to meet her baby brother for the first time. Mum comes too. It is a sight that I never thought I would see - my daughter AND my son having a cuddle. She is delighted with him and keeps kissing him and says " I am your big sister Alex and I love you I think" The years of sadness and longing for a baby and then later wanting another are gone. I am cured, its over , its now finished business. I can lay it to rest and we can get on with being a little family.
I feel very lucky.
The registrar comes to see me - he is happy with BP, baby seems okay so possibly could go home tomorrow (Christmas Eve) but I am not sure I am ready, still feel so much pain and I want to get Alex feeding well. I feel torn as I want to go home for Christmas so much but lets see what happens tomorrow.
I have a succession of visitors from the 'inside' to meet baby Alex - as each shift comes on duty I get midwives and pink ladies coming to say hello to see how I have got on.
I get a text from H - my last roomie asking how I got on, she went home yesterday on strict orders of resting.
I also meet posh bird in the corridor. She is still here - her baby in SCBU , not really poorly but struggling to feed. She thinks she will be here for a while yet.
After hours of trying in the early hours I have to give in and give him more formula as the milk hasnt come in yet but before each feed he has about 5 mins from me first before I top him up. He seems to be able to do boob and bottle withought any problem so I dont worry too much.
Time for sleep........Christmas Eve tomorrow.
My catheter is taken out and I am free to leave my bed to go for a wee. I have to fill 3 bedpans and declare them for inspection before my bladder is deemed normal and functioning. This isnt difficult as I am making up for lost time drinking gallons of iced water and tea, still thirsty from the nil by mouth rules of the day before.
I have my breakfast - breakfast Wendy is on duty and its good to see her too. Loving the familiarity of my 'friends' on the ward and they are loving seeing Alex in a cot instead of a huge bump in me!
Paula and a couple of pink ladies come back (HCA's) and she says, c'mon, we are moving you. I am moved to room 7........and wait for it....its a single ensuite room. Oh the luxury is just too exciting for words. I have my OWN bathroom after 5 weeks of communal showers and loo's. It has a towel rail ! and a big window and lots of space. Not sure if I would have got this anyway but suspect its a reward for good behaviour.......
Still no milk has come in for Alex but he is feeding okay on the colostrum at first. The pain kicks in for me and I am limping like an old lady......sitting up from lying down is near impossible and on more than one occasion I find myself lying on my back like a stranded tortoise legs and arms unable to go anywhere. Can't reach the call bell either so I have to inch my way to the edge of the bed and roll ever so slowly over. I am also now the beholder of house brick size sanitary towels so glamour has long gone out of the window. Fortunately though as I did not have to push this baby out, I dont walk like I have lost my horse but just like I have had my stomach muscles cut. Oh yes, thats what did happen!
I get some relief at 2pm on the drugs round and I take all the drugs on offer - hardcore liquid morphine helps the pain.
I am so excited about visiting time at 5pm. DH had already been first thing to see us both for an hour or so but then had to get back to collect DD from her sleepover at nannys. At 5pm DD comes to meet her baby brother for the first time. Mum comes too. It is a sight that I never thought I would see - my daughter AND my son having a cuddle. She is delighted with him and keeps kissing him and says " I am your big sister Alex and I love you I think" The years of sadness and longing for a baby and then later wanting another are gone. I am cured, its over , its now finished business. I can lay it to rest and we can get on with being a little family.
I feel very lucky.
The registrar comes to see me - he is happy with BP, baby seems okay so possibly could go home tomorrow (Christmas Eve) but I am not sure I am ready, still feel so much pain and I want to get Alex feeding well. I feel torn as I want to go home for Christmas so much but lets see what happens tomorrow.
I have a succession of visitors from the 'inside' to meet baby Alex - as each shift comes on duty I get midwives and pink ladies coming to say hello to see how I have got on.
I get a text from H - my last roomie asking how I got on, she went home yesterday on strict orders of resting.
I also meet posh bird in the corridor. She is still here - her baby in SCBU , not really poorly but struggling to feed. She thinks she will be here for a while yet.
After hours of trying in the early hours I have to give in and give him more formula as the milk hasnt come in yet but before each feed he has about 5 mins from me first before I top him up. He seems to be able to do boob and bottle withought any problem so I dont worry too much.
Time for sleep........Christmas Eve tomorrow.
Wednesday, 29 December 2010
Wednesday 22nd DEC - part 2. Welcome to the World, Alexander William
The first thing I see is DH holding our baby boy. I remember feeling amazingly happy and smiling up at them both. Another immediate thought that came to mind is "Thank God I made it". I feel no pain. DH later told me I was talking a load of gibberish - just an after effect of the GA. We already had decided on his name, months earlier. Alexander just becuase we like it and can shorten it to Alex and William was my Grandads name even though he prefered to be known as Arthur and also after DH's Uncle Bill who we lost to Cancer.
Apparently they made the first incision at 3.21pm and he was born 3 mins later at 3.24pm
After a short time in recovery we go to HDU where the three of us spent the next few hours. I have fond memories of this time, felt so relaxed and relieved that everything went well. I lost only a minimal amount of blood - 600mls which is normal for a Standard C-Section. So all those precautions put in place werent needed. I will be eternally grateful for the skill of the Consultant and the staff in theatre that day.
Cannot help but stare at the little boy, he is so cute and perfect and blissfully unaware of the weeks leading to his birth - and so he should be. He had a formula feed when he was first born, DH gave this to him and I do try to feed him myself in HDU but theres no milk yet.
I get given a jug of iced water which DH lets me have with a straw and it tastes like the best drink I have ever had. I had been nil by mouth since midnight the night before and have never known thirst like it. I also get toast and jam which is just perfect. BP is taken by a machine every 15 mins, seems okay. I have a catheter in so least dont worry about having to go for a wee.
Alexander is in the bed with me for cuddles. He looks like his big sister did when she was first born. He pulls some funny faces and he just seems so small. Actually for 36weeks +6 days he is a good size at 7lbs 1oz.
I have access to a morphine trigger shot but I dont use it. I cant feel any pain at all. I get a lovely wash and freshen up and get to brush my teeth helped by a lovely maternity nurse and get my own nightshirt on which feels lovely. At about 10pm they decide I can be transferred back to the ward. A porter comes to take me in a wheelchair - I am able to edge over the side of the bed and sit up with help slowly. I dont feel dizzy or anything which is great. A midwife pushes Alex in his cot, DH carries my bag and off we go to the ward. I am taken back to the same one thank goodness but am put in a 4 bedded room with other mums and newborns. I am so happy, I just cannot believe I am here with my baby after all these weeks.
Its about 11.15pm when DH goes home for some much needed sleep.
I dont sleep much that night. Me and baby have skin to skin contact to bring his temp up a little bit as he is a little bit cool. Its lovely - his little head is poking out of the top of my night shirt and we stare at each other, his eyes blinking up at me. I doze off in the early hours and so does he. His temp reaches the right level and he sleeps in his cot next to me.
Welcome to the world Alexander.
Apparently they made the first incision at 3.21pm and he was born 3 mins later at 3.24pm
After a short time in recovery we go to HDU where the three of us spent the next few hours. I have fond memories of this time, felt so relaxed and relieved that everything went well. I lost only a minimal amount of blood - 600mls which is normal for a Standard C-Section. So all those precautions put in place werent needed. I will be eternally grateful for the skill of the Consultant and the staff in theatre that day.
Cannot help but stare at the little boy, he is so cute and perfect and blissfully unaware of the weeks leading to his birth - and so he should be. He had a formula feed when he was first born, DH gave this to him and I do try to feed him myself in HDU but theres no milk yet.
I get given a jug of iced water which DH lets me have with a straw and it tastes like the best drink I have ever had. I had been nil by mouth since midnight the night before and have never known thirst like it. I also get toast and jam which is just perfect. BP is taken by a machine every 15 mins, seems okay. I have a catheter in so least dont worry about having to go for a wee.
Alexander is in the bed with me for cuddles. He looks like his big sister did when she was first born. He pulls some funny faces and he just seems so small. Actually for 36weeks +6 days he is a good size at 7lbs 1oz.
I have access to a morphine trigger shot but I dont use it. I cant feel any pain at all. I get a lovely wash and freshen up and get to brush my teeth helped by a lovely maternity nurse and get my own nightshirt on which feels lovely. At about 10pm they decide I can be transferred back to the ward. A porter comes to take me in a wheelchair - I am able to edge over the side of the bed and sit up with help slowly. I dont feel dizzy or anything which is great. A midwife pushes Alex in his cot, DH carries my bag and off we go to the ward. I am taken back to the same one thank goodness but am put in a 4 bedded room with other mums and newborns. I am so happy, I just cannot believe I am here with my baby after all these weeks.
Its about 11.15pm when DH goes home for some much needed sleep.
I dont sleep much that night. Me and baby have skin to skin contact to bring his temp up a little bit as he is a little bit cool. Its lovely - his little head is poking out of the top of my night shirt and we stare at each other, his eyes blinking up at me. I doze off in the early hours and so does he. His temp reaches the right level and he sleeps in his cot next to me.
Welcome to the world Alexander.
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